"They Let Anyone Into the Hancock High School Hall of Fame These Days," Athletic Director Complains

Written by rvler9201

Thursday, 22 September 2016

LEMAY, MO--An outraged John Dupree, Athletic Director for Hancock Senior High School, called reporters into his office Thursday to make known his anger with what he feels is the growing ease to which alumni have been elected to the Hancock High School Hall of Fame.

"It's an embarrassment, frankly, how loose they've become with their standards," The 29-year Hancock veteran told reporters. "The Hall of Fame was supposed to be for the elite of the elite--the true legendary Tigers of Hancock Senior High. Now they'll let just about anybody who lettered for a couple of seasons in."

Coach Dupree revealed that while his dissatisfaction with the selection committee had been building for several years, the announcement that Mark Sandberg, Class of '01, would be enshrined in the Hall next May was "the last straw."

"Not taking anything away from [Sandberg], he had a fine career," Dupree was quick to add. "A solid two-sport standout. But does he deserve to be mentioned alongside Bobby Witchell ['71], Lawrence Peterson ['87], or Scott Rolsom ['95]? Hell no, he doesn't. If you look at his shortstop numbers, he falls well below Eric Kohlenberg ['77]--not exactly the greatest Tigers infielder of all time himself. And as a fullback? Please. If [Sandberg] was so great, why did the Tigers only go 6-9-1 his two years on varsity? I rest my case."

Dupree concluded his remarks by adding that, even in spite of his expulsion for drug use, it was an absolute travesty that Brandon Barrett ['89] had yet to be enshrined.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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