Trump To Get Convoy Of Supertankers For Iraq Oil

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 8 September 2016

image for Trump To Get Convoy Of Supertankers For Iraq Oil

At the debate yesterday, September 7, on MSNBC, Donald Trump said we should take all of the oil out of Iraq and bring it to America. He complained that America spent $3 trillion, we lost thousands and thousands of lives, "And then what happens is, we get nothing." He said this was wrong and that "To the victor belongs the spoils."

Iraq has one of the largest oil reserves in the world so there is plenty of oil to send to the U.S. In spite of the chaos there it pumped 4.5 million barrels last month or 100,000 barrels a day.

Trump said, "We're going to get the very best U.S. engineers, send them to Iraq and we'll pump out 900,000 barrels per day."

"What you do is get of supertankers like the classy Hellespont Alhambra which carries 440,000 tons of crude oil and high energy other ships with the same capacity to take the oil to America's ports. Most of these ships have a foreign registry but don't worry, I'm a negotiator, a tremendous dealmaker, and I'll get them to form an armada of these huge vessels."

"I've dealt with some and they are beautiful people who are my friends. They love me and the feeling is mutual, believe me," said Trump.

"There will be about a 12-mile lineup of these massive ships to get the crude out of Iraq. See these jumbo oil boats are one-quarter of a mile in length, that's why the line up is so extraordinary. This is just so terrific," Said the presidential candidate.

"What we're going to do is make the convoys between the U.S. and Europe during World War II look puny by comparison to the task force I'm proposing," said the candidate.

"We won't get all $3 trillion back that we spent on those Muslims but at least we'll win some of the spoils of war. It's all about winning, "said Mr. Trump.

When moderator Matt Lauer asked Trump what he would do if Iraq objected to being plundered of its main resource, crude oil, Trump said he had a "secret plan" to deal with such a possible eventuality. "If these total losers mess with me they'll got schlonged," said the presidential hopeful.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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