Eugene, Oregon - A University of Oregon program to provide "safe-spaces" for male masturbators started off with good intentions but backfired thanks to a failure of foresight in positioning the safe-space male masturbation room adjacent to a feminist safe space room with a faulty air conditioner.
"We didn't think the male students would actually aim their ejaculates at the feminists," said Assistant Vice-Provost Delbert Schwanz.
The feminist alliance at the University has been complaining "for months" about the air conditioning system to the maintenance department at the University's student union, where the feminist safe space room is located. The alliance alleges that the "patriarchs of the maintenance department" don't take the complaints seriously and constantly ask if "we've checked the on/off switch or tried kicking the thing backwards like 'the Fonz'."
The head of the maintenance department says they have attempted to fix the air conditioner for months but each time they enter the room they are told the place is for "women" only and told also that air conditioners "warm the planet".
A recent editorial in the campus newspaper raised a firestorm of controversy when it commented that "as long as the hysteric neurotics in the feminist - aka lesbian- safe space room can't make up their inherently fickle and feeble minds as to whether they want air conditioning or not, then they need to own responsibility for errant ejaculates flying through their open windows and splattering all over their bean bags from the adjacent beat-off room."
The editorial went on to suggest that by insisting on "keeping their windows open," the women were symbolically "begging for it," saying that the open window represents nothing more than a fully exposed vagina begging for hot, hard cock, on the verge of releasing pulsing ropes of semen across "truly impressive distances."