Written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 22 September 2016

image for Write In Campaign For President Bigfoot Sweeps The Nation
BOOT THOUGHT TO BELONG TO BIGFOOT

The favorability ratings of the presidential candidates, Clinton and Trump, are at about 30%, so this opens the way for a new candidate. Of course, it is now too late to get on the ballot in any of the 50 states.

But a write in candidate for President Bigfoot unbelievably is sweeping the nation. For some it is a joke, but for others, 32% who "believe in" Bigfoot it is not. Mostly it is a way to protest the current state of political affairs in the U.S.

The confidence of Americans in 14 major institutions is running at about 28%. Confidence in the U.S. government is at 13%, Congress is 11%, Media is below 20%, and politicians are at the same level of trust as road kill.

Bigfoot is polling higher than most major US institutions: media, banks, congress, presidential candidates, and so on. But with an active campaign on his behalf his polling numbers could soar and he could well become the next President Of The United States, according to political scientist Joseph P. Abrams of Harvard.

"I think he would be better than Trump because, from what I've seen his fingers are too big to trigger the devices necessary to start a nuclear war. Too, he isn't as thin-skinned as Trump so he won't activate the nuclear instruments to retaliate against a slight insult from a foreign leader."

The Bigfoot campaign is underway. Already "Bigfoot For President" ads and comments have gone viral all over social media. TV ads are appearing in all fifty states. Contributions for the campaign are now far exceeding money donated to both Clinton and Trump. Disgruntled Bernie Sanders voters, disappointed Cruz, Bush, Perry and Rubio supporters are reportedly the major contributors, although ordinarily non-political citizens are excited by the Bigfoot write in campaign and are making substantial donations.

The political campaign firm of Twist, Contort, and Crumble have devised strategy and are backed by the super rich who are helping to bankroll the Bigfoot For President campaign. The millionaires and billionaires are anonymous donors because of the "Citizens United" Supreme Court decision, which destroyed campaign regulations.

The campaign slogan is "Bigfoot, The Most Popular Primate For The Job." The logo is a giant shoe revealing coarse, thick hair protruding above it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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