Charles Manson To Appear On Dancing With The Stars

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

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In an age where the American public worships celebrities it is no surprise that Olympian Ryan Lochte is appearing on Dancing With The Stars. Lochte gained fame by being caught lying about being robbed at gunpoint at a gas station whose restroom he trashed in the early morning hours during the Rio Olympics.

The latest news on Dancing With The Stars is that Charles Manson, convicted of first-degree murder for directing the deaths of the Tate/LaBianca victims, who is now out on parole, will soon appear on the celebrity crazed program. But, of course Manson is famous, and the Dancing With The Stars show's viewership will soar to watch the psychopath. Sponsors sales should increase and so should network executive's bonuses.

Manson's parole board released him from prison after he became a born again Christian and espoused the virtues of the American capitalistic system.

Numerous letters to the parole board from evangelicals and corporate executives seemed to have swayed the board in releasing Manson. Rev. Billie Joe Bob Smith of the Alabama Deliverance Assembly of God sent a typical letter suggesting that "My lord and savior preaches forgiveness to those who repent of their sins and that is Charles Manson, bless his soul."

John Stumpf, the C.E.O. of Wells Fargo, who was recently eviscerated by Elizabeth Warren at a meeting of the Senate Banking Committee for fleecing customers, wrote a letter praising Manson "For his deep and appreciative understanding of America's free enterprise system of freedom and justice for all."

The CEO's of wall street banks Citigroup and Goldman Sachs sent identical letters which said that, although they had been greatly responsible for the great recession of 2007, they had redeemed themselves by getting huge bonuses and so too had Manson redeemed himself by becoming a proponent of capitalistic private enterprise.

Dancing With The Stars publicist, Danny Bump, said that Manson's fiancée, 27-year-old Afton Elaine Burton, known as Star, will make a guest appearance and dance briefly with the 81-year-old Manson before he waltzes with Boopsie Ballyou, a professional dancer who appears regularly on the celebrity show.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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