Trump Wants His Own Internet

Written by Al N.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

image for Trump Wants His Own Internet
This is the last computer Trump ever used.

Cawker City, Kansas Donald Trump spoke out against the Internet on his latest campaign stop.

"What's the deal with this Internet thing anyways? I don't use it myself, I have everything printed out for me! All I hear is bad things about it. All the bad people seem to use it: Isis, Mexicans, terrorists, Rosie O'Donnell, Muslims, Bill Cosby, Democrats, and every bad person I know is on the Internet!" cried Trump.

"That's why I stay off the Internet. I used to have one of those dial-up connections from AOL but I hated that sound and now if I need the Internet I have one of my staff do it for me," admitted the not-so-tech-savvy Trump.

"That's why I think it will be better if we have our own, private Internet that no one but us can use. Just like in North Korea!" exalted Trump.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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