GOP Presidential Candidate Donald Trump announced today his administration will not rest until the entire nation is protected from productive immigrants. His campaign called a press conference to explain that the candidate recently learned some states have a lot of people "who weren't born there."
"Folks, it is my duty to make sure that we stop the spread of immigration. Our great land…I mean the land I intend to make great…because it is not great right now…too many problems by Crooked Hillary. So America is not great. In fact, it's pretty lousy. Thanks to Hillary Clinton's past presidential policies."
At that point a campaign staffer held up poster boards with stick drawings of Florida, New York, New Jersey and Nevada. They all had black lines and red lines.
"You see this red line, folks, this red line shows where we are gonna build a wall around these states. Did you know that we have a lot of people from Mexico in New York? I mean, like a lot. My good friend Chris Christie has a bunch in New Jersey, but his are mostly Italian. We have to keep those immigrants from spoiling the rest of America."
One of his aides pulled on Trump's arm and tried to whisper to him. Trump shook him off. When Trump turned back to his adoring fans and their pitchforks, he smiled gleefully. "You know, my people here are great. They really are. But they think. You know. It's really a problem."
The crowd broke out into a roar. "Build those walls! Build those walls!"
When a reporter asked who would pay for the walls, Trump looked at him with disgust. "The states will pay for it. I can tell you in New York it won't cost much. I build stuff here all the time with immigrants because it's so cheap. Very cheap."
In other news, Texas announced fast food businesses and farmers are facing a severe shortfall of workers willing to work hard for $2.00 per hour. State officials are discussing an effort to recruit people currently sitting in immigration detention cells awaiting hearings.
Someone close to the Governor's office said the recruitment effort will get underway as soon as enough money has been raised to convince lawmakers that the program is an economic development initiative.