Written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

image for Vanna White To Run For President Of U.S.
VANNA'S PERSONA ACCORDING TO CRITICS

Vanna White will run to be President of the United States in 2020 a press release put out by her staff revealed today.

She is the longtime co-host of the popular game show, "Wheel of Fortune," a kind of high-class version of the game "hangman." White is actually a kind of silent co-host, since she barely utters a word on the show. Her job is to wildly gesture at prizes the contestants can win and is chief letter-turner on the game board. After she turns the letters she claps. She has been recognized in The Guinness Book of World Records as TV's most frequent clapper, with an average of 720 claps per show and over 28,000 per season.

Ms. White earns $3 million dollars a year for this work, which her critics say an intelligent chimpanzee could do. But because of her good looks, incredible smile, and charm she has become an iconic pop figure. Her net worth has been estimated to be around $50 million. White has her own yarn line called Vanna's Choice.. In the past she has had several businesses that were somewhat successful. She made money be appearing in "some of the worst movies ever made," according to critics. Her finances were also enhanced by such "gigs" as serving as guest timekeeper for WrestleMania IV.

On the show, contestants guess at letters that make up words that become phrases. A month ago one of these phrases was "Running for President of the United States. Vanna told this reporter, "At that moment it dawned on me that I could do that."

She explained that she felt that "If Donald Trump can do it, so can I. We're both entertainers and business people. I should be better at it than he is because I don't have his nastiness and they say I've got a lot of charisma. Too he's had a lot of bankruptcies and business failures and I haven't. His wife did soft porn, I just posed for Playboy because of my fried Hef."

"I don't know if I'll run as a democrat or republican yet. I hardly know anything about politics, the constitution, American history or that sort of thing. Neither does Trump, but that hasn't stopped Donald Trump from getting 40 million Americans to support him."

The game show hostess hired political consultants to plot strategy for her 2020 run for the Presidency. Ms. White said, "The first question I asked them was, 'How can Trump, who everyone says is unqualified to be President have so much support?' They told me that if he hadn't been a great celebrity host on "The Apprentice," he couldn't have run. But they said that I'm a great celebrity and entertainer so I should run."

1 asked Professor Warren Bennis of USC, the author of "The Unreality Industry," what he thought of White's decision to run for president. He replied, "It makes sense, because in America there's this massive infusion of entertainment into every realm of human affairs. TV news is called "infotainment," Trump is the most entertaining politician so he gets the nomination of a major political party, professors have to be entertaining if they want good class enrollment, the pentagon cranks out entertaining video games to recruit kids, and so on."

"I don't see why Vanna White can't win and become commander-in-chief," he stated.

"There's this phenomenon called 'Vannamania.' The campaign can capitalize on that. I wouldn't let her hold press conferences, give interviews, or debate anyone, but she can read from a teleprompter. After all, she knows her letters,"
said the USC professor.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
56 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more