Trump Defends Babies' NRA Rights

Funny story written by Maryellen Hess Cameron

Friday, 2 September 2016

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GOP nominee Donald Trump responded to criticism this morning that his line of baby car seats should not have gun holsters. Trump doubled down on his policy that children have the right to bear arms and his presidency will do whatever is necessary to defend that right. Trump was referring to his joint venture with the NRA to manufacture and sell the Trump Anti-Terrorist Car Seat. Retail market experts describe the product as "flying off the shelves" at gun stores and Wal-Mart. Further research showed that 90% of sales are going to a cluster of survival groups in Montana and Idaho.

Marketing materials for the Anti-Terrorist Car Seat show it is available in blue, pink and camouflage. Consumers can choose from a range of holster styles to fit the firearm of choice. A coupon code is available for free ammo at the time of purchase.

John Wayne, Trump's NRA policy adviser and best friend for this week, said the product is a key piece of the candidate's strategy to increase national security. "We want terrorists to know if they come near us even our kids are ready to fight for their country. That's what it means to be an American. No child gets left behind on the Second Amendment."

The remarks come just one day after a child accidentally shot an innocent bystander from his seat in the family's minivan. When asked for a comment about the incident the father admitted he needs to spend more time on safety training. "To me it's like potty training. You don't take away the potty seat because the kid misses a couple of times. Sooner or later he'll get it right."

For himself Trump seems surprised at the public shock. "My fans support me because I am the only one who knows how to end terrorism. I mean, what terrorist is going to think the baby in the back seat is armed? It's a perfect defense system!"

The Children's Defense Fund repeated its public statements that, contrary to Mr. Trump's claim, it does not advocate for children to be armed.

Dear Readers, this article is entirely a satire on current political events and is based solely on my personal opinions.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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