Written by Amiko Aventurista

Friday, 9 September 2016

image for Obama Offers Philippine President Duterte Joint Causing International Blow-Up
Obama and Philippines

Leaders of the G-20 met in executive session and adopted an emergency resolution. The resolution called on putting U.S. President Barrack Hossein Obama and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte in time-out after the two traded insults and accusations. On a 17 - 1 vote, leaders of the top 20 economies agreed both men must go to their room without supper. To demonstrate resolve and determination, the G-20 leaders agreed to cut the cable television service as well as remove the mini-bar from their rooms.

How this diplomatic row began is unclear but it appears President Obama may be at fault. "I am completely shocked by the reaction of President Duterte to my offer of friendship. I offered to hit this joint with me, and they guy goes ballistic! No one told me he is an anti-pot fanatic? I blame my staff for not telling me."

Speaking on behalf of the G-20 delegation, Chinese President Xi Jingping, explained the G-20 is a gentlemen's club and both leaders must act respectable. "Leadership means, spying on friends, ordering a hit, invading another country, or using a drone to wipe out a hospital, without dropping the 'F' bomb in public".

South African President Jacob Zuma voted against the resolution, saying "if Obama is out, I will be the only African left at the G-20. Although he is from Kenya and I'm from South Africa, we Africans need to stick together. And, I hate to be alone. Besides, what's a little pre-game trash talk among friends."

The G-20 may permit Obama and Duterte to reclaim their seats at the table provided they promise to not order military action during the remainder of the conference. Secretary of State John Kerry, would not commit to non-violence during the summit, saying "President Duterte started it." Duterte, acting as his own spokesperson said, "I am the Manila Mauler for a reason but if he won't I won't either."

No military action has been reported.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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