Spoof Investigations just attended a secret meeting between the presidential candidates and the 49ers Colin Kaepernick in a frank discussion "on America as the greatest nation in recorded history. Ever. Bar none."
A mystery guest was on hand.
The "bar none" in the proposed discussion thesis was added by Ms. Clinton, still feeling the inspiration of her recent speech at The American Legion.
This trio sat in an obscure corner with candles and a variety of drinks.
Saloon security kept an eye on things and customers were alert and cordial, although smatterings of applause did break out here and there on various comments.
Mr. Trump had winced with Hillary's "bar none" and felt he should add something.
"Well, I don't agree we should brag about it, but we can go all the way back into pre-civilization with the Nocs or the Punts (no pun intended, Colin) and there's nothing like it. Tell you what, folks. Yes, we are the greatest nation on earth. However--"
Mr. Kaepernick had said nothing to that point, and then Mr. Trump's "however" was interrupted by a thick strange silence which fell over the proceedings.
Everything at the bar and elsewhere in the club went motionless.
Out of the silence came a strange sound--later some called it a kind of bleating sound, but others said, no, it was more a prolonged intestinal sound, emerging from a nearby males restroom.
Mr. Trump swung around while clientele around the bar did allow a brief--but thunderous--expression of hand clapping and cheering.
Mr. Trump then put in: "I'll buy you another beer, Colin. If you'll say the Pledge of Allegiance with me. Right now."
Mr. Kaepernick pulled a copy of something out of his back pocket and laid it on the table for the others to read.
"This is my pledge," he said.
I pledge allegiance to my own brain and my right to think and express my opinion, without fear of disobedience and non-conformity.
At that very moment a figure detached itself from the bar with something in his hand, and this person turned out to be the mystery guest, Mr. Khizr Khan, of DNC fame.
"I'm sure you remember this document, Mr. Trump," he said, holding out a copy of The Constitution.
Of course right then Hillary adjoined: "The one indispensable document!"
Then these two were off in a corner of the booth while Mr. Kaepernick stood at the bar with his friends.
In the corner Hillary and Donald were arguing--"You like that word dispensable, don't you, Hillary? As with dispensable income?"
"Donald, you can get your hand off my knee right now!"
