Renowned anthropologist Jane Goodall recently noted that Trump's campaign behavior reminds her of chimpanzees "and their dominance rituals."
Males seeking to dominate, according to Ms. Goodall, put on displays such as making a lot of noise, including "stamping, slapping the ground, dragging branches, throwing rocks."
She used the example of a chimpanzee named "Mike" who kicked kerosene cans so boisterously that competitors were intimidated and fled the vicinity.
A Trump campaign spokesperson responded, "Well, Mr. Trump does seek to dominate proceedings with his mouth, that is true. And, clearly, this has done him no harm."
Mr. Trump himself responded: "They complained about my hands, remember that? As too small? And by inference that I was too small in that other area of the male physique? Well, believe me, and I'll say it again, there's no problem there."
Accordingly, as the first presidential debate approaches, Mr. Trump will rely on quick hunching stabs at his opponent, as usual concentrating on style, not substance.
"My mouth, you know," Mr. Trump has said, "will have its way."
But chimpanzees are having none of this comparison of Mr. Trump's behavior with their tribal rituals and manners of selecting leadership.
Spokes-chimp Albert Benevelous, Chair of the WASC Society ("we ain't stupid chimps"), has sought the New York Times for a major announcement.
"Any comparison of Mr. Trump's behavior with our community rituals," Mr. Benevelous stated, "is ludicrous in the extreme. We honor dignity, not self-demonstration."
Other comments included, "We care about real leadership, in which the issue is how to empower and improve the lives of chimpanzees locked into servitude at this time.
"Mr. Trump, on the other hand, is only interested in making a display to put himself at the center of attention."
At this point another chimpanzee, possibly female, joined Mr. Benevelous.
"No male in our community would draw attention to his privates and urge a comparison of power through that organ," she said.
Mr. Benevelous added: "We have more dignity."
However, Mr. Trump would not leave this latest critique of himself standing.
"You know, folks, chimpanzees are not known for brain, whereas I am richly endowed in that region, as in other regions."
The unnamed female companion to Mr. Benevelous immediately shot back, "This clearly means he thinks with the smaller of his two heads, not the larger."
Mr. Trump: "Well, my dear, why don't you just come on up to Trump Tower and we'll see which head is doing the talking?"
She: "I'll bring my kerosene can kicking family with me, if you like, and we can swing around your chandeliers there for your added amusement!"
Mr. Benevelous, however, settled it by chiding the female, who might have been his wife.
"This is exactly what we do not mean by dignity. Good day, Mr. Trump!"