There were 250 spoof news stories published in June 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Qatari Shaikh offers Roman Abramovich $3bn for Chelsea Football Club
Doha, Qatar - An oil-rich nabob from the gas state of Qatar has brought a three billion dollar smirk to the Russian mobster's face. Shaikh Mustapha Pee bin Dishdasha, son of the Emir, is even throwing in some spare gas wells, a 50ft ocean-going ya...
Read full storyPediatricians Urge Parents to Read Aloud to Kids, Starting at Birth
"Yippee!" said one bookseller when she heard the news. She continued,"This is our big chance to dump our inventory of kids' books." Giving a thumbs-up sign to an assistant, she said, "Get all the junk onto the selling floor and prepare to sell, sel...
Read full storyBear Lying in a Hammock Offered a Job
He was relaxing and minding his own business when the photo went viral. The bear has told friends he fails to see why it's such an oddity. "What's so interesting about seeing someone relax in a hammock?" he asks. A major hammock maker thought i...
Read full storyChimps Beat a Path to Doors of Law Schools
No monkeying around! Now that they are pressing for the right to sue, a number of chimps have decided to go to law school. One chimp points out, "The proceeds of successful lawsuits should stay within the species. Why should we let bossy humans...
Read full storyPope Fears The Voice's Sr. Cristina May Want His Job
He's a nervous wreck these days, as he thinks unemployment could be looming. Sr. Cristina may want to be Pope, he's told friends, adding, "And she' a triple threat. She sings, she dances, she prays. And one more thing. She's Italian, which is...
Read full storyMan's Hangover 100 Times More Painful Than Wife Giving Birth
A Fort Lauderdale man is claiming that his hangover, a result of a night of excessive drinking, smoking and more drinking is probably a lot more painful than childbirth. Duncan Whitehead, 47, who right now is suffering from an excruciating headach...
Read full storyPrince Philip (Duke Of Edinburgh) Does Not Die In His Sleep For 33,945 Consecutive Night
Prince Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth of England, much to the surprise of his butler, valet and the guy who changes his diapers; woke up this morning and had not died in his sleep. "Every morning for the past two years, we expect to find the P...
Read full storyFuneral Homes Preparing For Baby Boomer Bonanza
Funeral homes and undertakers across the United States are said to be "sitting on a goldmine" as millions of so-called 'Baby Boomers' approach death and their final days on earth. Those Baby Boomers not suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's are a...
Read full storyStores Fill Shelves With Crap In Preparation For Father's Day
Thousands of frantic Walmart, Target and K-Mart employees are busy stocking shelves this evening with useless and utter shit in preparation for Father's Day, as kids around the country begrudgingly delve into their pocket's to buy Dad something he do...
Read full storyPrince Andrew photographed wanking
Prince Andrew has been photographed wanking with the help of his mother, HRH, Queen Elizabeth II. His tentative strokes were captured on Sunday as nephews, princes William and Harry lined up on opposing sides in the Jerudong Trophy at Cirencester...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - The Island is shrinking!
A recent geological survey of the Isle of Wight has come to the worrying conclusion that the island is shrinking at a rate of two millimetres per year. The first survey on the actual size of the island in 1952 revealed it to have an area of 380.56...
Read full story'Chill, brothers!' Obama tells insurgents, sends 300 Colorado marijuana consultants to Baghdad
Washington - Their mission to open dozens of Weed-Cupcake-U-Like pop-up boutiques in downtown Baghdad will cater to Iraqis' notorious congenital cannabis deficiencies, something World Health Organization shrinks are blaming for current sectarian stri...
Read full storyMissing Wallet Found After Frantic Search That Included Swearing At Kids
A South Florida man is celebrating this evening after finding his lost result after an extensive search which included driving to all the stores he had visited that day, kicking his cat, calling his wife "an idiot" and swearing at his children. Du...
Read full storyCalifornia Chrome sold to Roman Abramovich for fifty million bucks
Louisville, Kentucky - The dual Kentucky Derby/Preakness champion will stand at Abramovich's Gazprom Stables dubbed bluegrass country's most famous equine stud. Announcing the reported $50m deal co-owners Steve Coburn and Perry Martin said the awe...
Read full storyIn a Stunning Decision, the Supreme Court Declares Adult Swim Unconstitutional
WASHINGTON, D.C.--In a seven to two decision today, the Supreme Court declared the long-time tradition of adult swim, during which a swimming pool is emptied of anyone under the age of 18 so the adults can swim without interference for ten to fifteen...
Read full storyScience Proves That the Earth Was Destroyed Millions of Years Ago
Scientists announced today that they have discovered light rays emanating from space that show the Earth being destroyed by a meteor swarm 21 million years ago. When asked why we didn't remember or find evidence of such a calamity before, one of...
Read full storyMayo Clinic study: The heartbreak of (Loving Your Own Farts (LYOF) receives $50,000,000 federal grant!
In an early morning press conference today in Rochester, Minnesota, the Mayo Clinic announced the results of its study of LYOF. The study titled: The heartbreak of LYOF (Loving your own farts) and sub-titled: Mankinds infatuation wirh flatulatio...
Read full storyPlanets Stand Still - Steven Hawking Changing O.S. Rebooting In 5 Mins . . . . .Please Wait
Tidal Waves, Earthquakes, Tsunamis and Volcanic Plasma Flows ravaged the earth at 2.00 am. this morning for 1000th of one second as Steven Hawking changed the O.S. of the solar system from Windows to Mac. "The changeover went smoothly with minimum...
Read full storyTybee Island Gets New McDonald's Next Door To Current McDonald's
Tybee Island: McDonald's have announced that it is to open a second McDonald's restaraunt next door to an existing McDonald's in the rather odd little town of Tybee, Tybee Island. "Big Mac lovers just can't stand being far from their favorite McD...
Read full story"People You May Know" Removed From Facebook
It has been scientifically proven that anyone who has added someone after finding them through the 'people you may know' feature on Facebook is a colossal cretin, leading Facebook to delete the feature. Social networking research experts Pew Resea...
Read full storySpy vs. Spy: Poison Shortage Triggers Suicide Crisis
Washington, DC - One of spying's essentials - the cyanide capsule - is in such short supply that a dangerous suicide backlog is developing at the CIA, the NSA, the Secret Service and other federal surveillance agencies. "Anyone assigned to spy fo...
Read full storyDonald Trump Announces Plans to Purchase The Alphabet
New York City, NY - Donald Trump has announced that he intends to buy the English alphabet and expects the deal to close before the end of September. The purchase could have severe consequences for the other candidates in Trump's current bid for the...
Read full storyCat Makes 2000 Mile Journey Home Only To Be Ran Over By Texting Teen
A 3-year-old orange tabby cat who famously crossed the United States on foot to reunite with his family after he was mistakenly left behind by movers has been run over and squashed in what family and friends are calling a 'bloodbath'. Sammy, who i...
Read full storyCovert "Girl Detector" Discovered In Windows Operating Systems
Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation was on the defensive today after an independent software research group released its findings that Microsoft's Windows operating systems contain a hidden 'girl detector.' The existence of the girl detector confi...
Read full story'Jagger Slid Down Cliff Straight Into The Princess Diana Mammorial Fountain' court is told
London - A court heard today how Mick Jagger accidentally ran his toboggan over Cliff Richard in Hyde Park one snowy winter's day before crashing head first into the Princess Diana Fountain. And then blamed his injuries on poor visibility and not...
Read full storyTexas Adopts "Word A Day" Toilet Paper As Official Language Arts Course For High Schools
Austin, TX - The Texas State Board of Education has voted to make "Word A Day" toilet paper the core Language Arts course for Texas public high schools. Some parents have voiced opposition to the change because Word A Day toilet paper is more exp...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie
Hollywood - Nancy Pelosi has agreed to appear in the sequel to the 1985 movie, Brazil. The trippy movie based on George Orwell's book, 1984, is scheduled to be released in late 2015. Pelosi appeared in the original film to play Mrs. Ida Lowry...
Read full storyGood, bad, and ugly elections via White House suds 'n duds laundry operations
Rumor has it that departed White House Press Secretary Jay Carney once compared the job now occupied by Josh Earnest to running a laundromat. Top quality detergent is essential to getting response to issues correct and clean. Recently a good el...
Read full storyPentagon Vows to Invade Cascadia as Soon as They Find it on a Map
The Pentagon and the NSA are in a fury over the growing independence movement in Cascadia. Cascadia which is regarded by many as the Scotland of North America. Cascadia is nestled in the Pacific Northwest from the redwoods of California and north...
Read full storyHow Did a Piano End up in NYC's East River?
it's sitting pretty, right under the Brooklyn Bridge, but nobody knows how it got there. Speculation is rampant though. Here are a few of the rumors: -- Billy Joel, The Piano Man, put it there to create publicity for his next concert. -- The ghost of Liberace is responsible. He's still looking for a candelabra to complete the picture. -- The piano may be the first piece of a huge or...
Read full storyHarrison Ford crushed by defective Millenium Falcon, sues movie studio 'for an arm and a leg'
Pinewood Studios, UK - "At first glance it looked like a bit of attention seeking drama queenery," a Spinewood Studios gaffer said today, "considering he'd just been given the classic thespian good luck greeting of Break A Leg! by fellow actors."...
Read full storyFair Play Dead: Women's Curling Team Fail Drugs Test
Fair play has officially taken its final breath and soiled its pants as the entire Canadian curling team had their Winter Olympics Gold medals revoked this morning, after testing positive for steroid abuse amongst other banned substances. Drug use...
Read full storyNo Definite Answer to the Question "How many times have I told you kids?"
A 10 year research project which followed the lives of 100 families with children has shown that the answer to the question "how many times have I told you kids?" can vary widely. Lead researcher and mathematician Dr. Carl Fractal said he found th...
Read full storyFIFA Conquers Brazil, Establishes Autocratic "FIFdom"
BRASILIA, BRAZIL - According to recent reports, the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) has taken control of key cities in Brazil, toppled the Brazilian government, and changed the name of the South American country to "Goooo...
Read full storyGiving Up Smoking With Lady Penelope And The Thunderbird Team
One time 60 a day cigarette holder wielding Lady Penelope has offered to help Spoof Readers quit smoking. "The entire Thunderbird team was getting through a total of 6000 cigarettes a day in the 1970s" explained Parker, Lady Penelope's bit of rough. "It was a little over the top on the smoking front. The thing was that everything was powered by fireworks - no C.G.I you see, and we all smok...
Read full storyDolphins Fitted With Microphones Swear A Lot
Marine Biologists fitting Dolphins with voice headsets have reported that they all swear profusely. They are apparently very intelligent fish, but use the "F" and "C" words all the time. UnderSeaworld, the Corporate Entertainment giant who though...
Read full storyNATO chief insists 'it was just a quickie' despite Minister's 'We Gave America A Blowjob' quip
Warsaw - The head of NATO said today a Polish foreign minister's fellatio rant about pleasuring America reminds him of a joke he'd read on the internet. Secretary General of the North Atlantic Trick-or-Treaty Organization Anders Fogh Rasmussen l...
Read full storyObama Laughs At American People
President Obama today explained why, over the bitter objections of Senator John McCain (R-AZ), he wanted to ally the U.S. with Iran. "The U.S. instigated a Sunni-Shiite war when George W. Bush invaded Iraq. The U.S. backs the Iraq government of t...
Read full storyToast Of New York burns his Epson Derby bridges, heads for Belmont Invitational instead
New York - A Brti-trained wonder horse named after its eponymous Upper East Side breakfast bar owners is homeward bound for a tilt at this year's $1.25m Belmont Derby Invitational. Toast of New York is now a firm 3/1 favorite for the 5 July 10-fur...
Read full storyVan Gogh's Dr Gachet pops up mysteriously in Picasso's painting The Blue Room
New York - The sudden apparition of Vincent van Gogh's Docteur Gachet in Pablo Picasso's 1901 depiction of The Blue Room has got the art world stumped. The oil on canvas painting shows a shapely naked blonde washing herself in a large blue basin,...
Read full storyBlair's rousing speech - "Once more unto Iraq, dear friends, once more, Cry 'God for Tony, America, and Crude Oil!'
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair urged the British Government to re-invade Iraq yesterday to protect the moderate Shiites against the Sunnis that are threatening to capture the capital Baghdad. He promised the world that terrorist group ISIS has got...
Read full storyPresident Obama Arranges Astonishing Prisoner Exchange
President Obama is on a roll with an all new sensational exchange arrangement. By now it's been well established that missing Teamsters kingpin Jimmy Hoffa was taken by the Taliban after vanishing from the parking lot of a restaurant in suburban Detr...
Read full storyTop 10 excuses why the New York Rangers won't win the Stanley Cup
The New York Rangers weren't expected to earn a spot in this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs. But they surprised the experts by making it to the final round. Unfortunately, their opponent, the Los Angeles Kings, is playing up to expectations, and is abo...
Read full storyGunfight at Open Carry Corral (Or, "A Good Guy with a Gun")
SAN ANTONIA, TX--A gunfight today broke out between the leader of the Open-Carry Movement, Tex "Small Sack" O'Laury, and the CEO of the National Rifle Association, Wayne "Wacko" LaPierre. The gunfight erupted after a spokesperson for the NRA called…
Read full storyMiami Heat Sign Bela Karolyi To Carry LeBron Up And Down Court If Cramps Persist
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON, SOUTH BEACH --The Miami Heat have hired legendary gymnastics coach Bela Karolyi to carry their star LeBron James up and down the court in case his cramping persists in the NBA finals against the San Antonio Spurs. "You can...
Read full storyUS student rescued from giant German vagina sculpture tested for STDs
Tübingen, Germany - (Ass Mess): A 100ft, 32-ton red Veronese marble sculpture of a vagina positioned outside Tübingen University Institute for Microbiology and Virology is being tested for sexually transmitted diseases this week following an inciden...
Read full storySatire website 'conducted secret psychology experiment on users' emoticons' says report
Cyberspace, The Last Affrontiere - The satirical website Farcebook has been accused of conducting a huge secret psychological experiment on its users to see how they respond to cyber crap. Sixty million Farcebook users took part without any perso...
Read full storyWiccan fury at Islamofascists' Isis slur
Los Angeles, California - The World Council of Wicca has issued a 20-kiloton hex against a ragbag of Islamofascist thugs who have highjacked the name of the Mother of Creation for their vile Iraqi insurgency antics. This morning's statement from W...
Read full storyHope Solo, US Women's Soccer Goalie, Can't Stop Slapping Things Down
Seattle - Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be taking her work home with her...
Read full storyObama to Quit Presidency to Follow His Dream
Washington, DC President Barack Obama announced today that he will be resigning the office of President of the United States "as soon as we can locate Vice-President Joe Biden." President Obama said that he would be vacating the Presidency in ord...
Read full storyEgypt's al-Sisi bites Kerry's ear
Egypt's president, Abdel Fatah al-Sisi, is claiming his recent response to Mr. Kerry's ear was inspired by world cup soccer player Luis Suarez, and "couldn't be avoided." After the recent verdict concerning the Al Jazeera journalists, Mr. Kerry, w...
Read full storyScamatology to Provide Each Remaining Member With Own Skyscraper
Clearly Criminal, FL While its membership dwindles, the "church" of Scamatology has been buying up buildings in major cities to use as Scamatology meeting places. This is despite the fact that membership in the cult has been rapidly dwindling as its...
Read full storyGun Club Buys Chinese Knife Companies To Corner Mass Murder Market In Mainland China
The National Gun Club, in a startling move, has bought up several mainland Chinese knife firms to encourage their nationals use of guns rather than knives. China has recently suffered a number of knife attacks at train stations and other public pl...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Reveals She Was Original Member of "The Beverly Hillbillies"
New York City - Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came out of the poor house long enough today, on her current book tour, to confess to the world how hard her life has been. She and former President Clinton were "dead broke." Clinton,...
Read full storyDwyane Wade Complains About No-Call on Free Throw Attempts
Following a devastating 104-87 loss to the San Antonio Spurs in Game 5 of the NBA Finals, Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat pointed to a pivotal moment in the game that allowed the Spurs to hoist the Larry O'Brien trophy. Already trailing by double f...
Read full storyUS sending 500 million down the rathole of Syria to carefully vetted rebels at various sign-up stations directed by Mr. Kerry
President Obama and his State Department are insisting there is no contradiction whatever between supporting Sunni rebels in Syria and fighting them in Iraq. The key safeguard is the "careful vetting." As Mr. Kerry has shown repeatedly, the US...
Read full storyCash ruins unblemished driving record
An 80-year-old driver who accidentally dropped a load of money on to the road has blotted his previously unblemished driving record. Gateshead magistrates heard that Ivor Lodesadosh, owner of the Big Game Casino, was driving to the bank in his jee...
Read full storyLocal Man Cuts Styrofoam Plate With Plastic Fork
A local Springfield man inadvertently cut through his styrofoam plate with a plastic fork yesterday while eating at a church potluck supper. Monty Creosote was in the basement of the First Lutheran Church of Springfield eating during the church's...
Read full story"Illuminati Too Disrespectful" Says President Obama
ST. PAUL, MN - At a Minnesota Town Hall meeting, President Obama spent the afternoon telling everyone how unfair it was for people to blame him in "phony scandals." Although some had been led to believe there would be discussion of local issues,...
Read full storyCatholics put pot into their prayers, over Pope's objections
The Vatican - A secret enclave of Catholic bishops and cardinals has added marijuana smoking to the church's menu of Holy Sacraments. The unprecedented action is expected to boost the popularity of Catholicism while replenishing the church's coffers,...
Read full storyAfter Dismal Sales, Publisher Recommends Other Uses For Hillary Clinton Book
New York City - Publishing giant Simon & Schuster, desperate to find a way to turn a profit on Hillary Clinton's new book "Hard Choices", has come out with other possible uses for the book. The company hopes to entice some who don't intend to rea...
Read full storyGolden Gate Bridge "Suicide Net System" to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe
San Francisco - The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for decades. T...
Read full storyPopeye The Sailorman Admits Using G.M. Spinach to Build Muscle
In a surprising revelation to Piers Morgan on his Detroit radio station, Popeye told Piers that he had used illegal spinach in his cartoon shows. Recent research by the Department of Vegetables has shown that a can of spinach has the nutritional...
Read full storyNation's Homeless Aspire to Become as 'Dead Broke' as Clintons
Atlanta - By now, it's become public knowledge that the Clintons have had a tough life these past twenty years. The struggle they have faced as multimillionaires is well documented and admirable. The ability to "pull oneself up by their bootst...
Read full storyBBC Apologises for 'Welcome To Rio' documentary. Police hunt Cleo Rocos.
London- A spokesman admitted that the broadcaster had "got it seriously wrong" by commissioning hipsters to make its much criticised documentary series 'Welcome To Rio'. Police are understood to be no closer to identifying the whereabouts of the dang...
Read full storyA Dyslexic Pope bans Satin
Pope Francis, it turns out, is slightly dyslexic. During a recent trip to an Australian Haberdashers, he was offered a new set of robes to be run up. "He was very nice," said Dave Grave, owner of Grave Cloth in Perth. "Until I showed him a list of...
Read full storyCIA/NSA to 'automate' the 2016 Presidential Election
Vapor Lock, Virginia - The US government can expect a 100% voter turnout for the 2016 Presidential Election. The reason: Democracy is going digital. America's two surveillance powerhouses - the Central Intelligence Agency and the Nationa...
Read full storyBush and Blair should have nuked Fallujah says ex-First Earth Battalion's General Stubblebine
Fort Huachuca, Arizona - "Too damn busy minding their TV ratings," the Pentagon's former top psychic warfare specialist General Albert Stubblebine III told a specially convened meeting of the Military Intelligence Hall of Fame today. A Hall inaug...
Read full storyJersey Shore's "The Situation" Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon
Middletown, NJ - Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV's classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together. Apparently, the double douchebags cam...
Read full storyWallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence
KANSAS CITY, MO---The NRA, ever vigilant against liberal, extremist groups who want to take away citizens' right to bear arms, now has an enemy's list. In addition to Wallmark Cards, among its many targets are Britney Spears, the YWCA, AARP, B'nai B...
Read full storyThose Not Being Held Captive Say Prisoner Deal Bad Idea; Soldier Should Have Fought His Way Out, Like Chuck Norris
THE HORROR, THE HORROR, OHIO VALLEY -- Some area residents NOT BEING HELD CAPTIVE by The Taliban said the United States made a bad decision in arranging a prisoner exchange to free a U.S. soldier who WAS BEING HELD CAPTIVE by The Taliban. "He shou...
Read full storyPresident Obama Admits to Getting Payday Loans
WASHINGTON, DC - A few days after Vice President Joe Biden one-upped 'dead broke' Hillary Clinton by stating he's 'the poorest man in Congress', President Obama trumped them both by admitting that he visits a local payday loan center at least twice a...
Read full storyObama snubs Putin at Club Mephistopheles but no duel yet
As the world well knows, Mr. Obama has been so annoyed with the President of Russia that Mr. Hollande was forced to host separate dinners. However, both these leaders are fond of Club Mephistopheles, a night club with branches in all major cities,...
Read full storyQueen throws lavish homecoming bash for England football team
London - Football's coming home alright with the announcement that newly knighted Sir Roy Hodgson of Pratts Bottom and his victory team are to be treated to a fab Palace garden party to mark their historic World Cup win (WTF? 'Ed'). Sunday's no ex...
Read full storyChicken Tastes Most Like Chicken Of All Things That Taste Like Chicken
Springdale, AR - Of all the foods across the world that taste like chicken, a study has found that chicken tastes most like chicken. The study was carried out by Tyson Foods, Inc. (NYSE: TSN), the world's second largest producer of not only chick...
Read full storyScientists Discover That Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection Between Their Stash And Murderous Drug Cartels.
Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long denied by the users...
Read full storyEngland win World cup!
After 48 years of misery, upsets, lousy performances and overpaid Rooney, England have just finished first in the World Cup! The news has just seeped through after a donkey ridden by a Himalayan Sherpa, his five children and wife rode into Kathman...
Read full storyLast regrets of the dying split down gender lines
HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College published a study today that shows that elderly men and women have very different regrets weighing on their minds as their dying day draws near. Of the women, 38% regret the fact that they didn't say "I love yo...
Read full storyMovie Review: That New Movie With That Guy From That Other Movie, You Know The One, Was Good.
Some movies which are panned by critics nevertheless are highly successful due to word of mouth praises by people who've seen the movie. They tell their friends and family, who tell their friends, and so on, until the movie is a hit, despite those 'o...
Read full storyTybee DA Collapses After Indian Meal At Army Barracks
Tybee Island District Attorney Ken Suckacock is reported to have collapsed after a heavy drinking session at an army base near Savannah. Suckacok was invited to attend the function at Hunter Army Air Field where he was served Indian cuisine. Ge...
Read full storyCrude will rocket to $150 a barrel as Iranian 'peacekeepers' help Iraq
Washington - Iran's Ayatollahs are offering to pour oil on troubled waters by sending a 100,000-strong pisskeeping farce to neighboring Iraq. A lot of Russian-sourced hardware like ground-to-air missal launchers and photon torpedoes are also thoug...
Read full storyThe Maliki must stay policy in Iraq no contradiction to the Assad must go policy in Syria
White House and State Department officials are claiming no contradictions in a rush to support Mr. Maliki as leader of Iraq. Maliki must definitely stay, according to everyone in Washington with a view on the matter, starting with not-yet-announce...
Read full storyEngland's Great Sacrifice
Speaking exclusively to Spoof's Joe West, England captain Steven Gerrard gave the astonishing news about England's 2-1 defeat by Uruguay. 'We knew if we won the World Cup' he said 'the Government would take all the credit. Their popularity would h...
Read full storyUN: "USA refugee figure passes 150 million for first time"
NEW YORK, NY - UN spokesperson, Lotta Boolsheet, issued a report today stating that the number of US citizens forced to leave their homes has exceeded 150 million for the first time since Jimmy Carter was president. 60 percent the USA's refugees a...
Read full storyWestboro Baptist Church Caught in Plot to Stone Ellen Degeneres
Los Angeles, CA The Westboro Baptist Church, known to be haters of homosexuality to the point of desecrating U.S. veteran's funerals, were caught in a plot by police today. In the line forming outside the Ellen DeGeneres Show, dozens of members of...
Read full storyGibraltar's football successes an inspiration to struggling Spain
T.V. coverage of British football, increasingly popular in the U.S has had a surprise boost with a request from the Spanish National Football Manager to hire Gordon Strachan in the capacity of damage limitation consultant after the Spanish team were...
Read full storyScotland Tells Obama That If They Get Freedom He Knows Where He Can Stick His Nuclear Arsenal
Scotsmen can defend themselves if they gain their "Freedom" in the referendum and no nuclear weapons will be allowed to park in Lochs or they will be clamped or towed away, a famous Scotsman said this morning. The man, who is famous for being fe...
Read full storyIRS Commissioner Gollum Gets Grilled by Congress About His Precious Agency
Washington D.C. - This week has not been kind to Gollum and his "precious" agency, the Internal Revenge Service, as the creature has been on the hot seat having to answer for the mysterious disappearance of Lois Lerner's relevant emails. The g...
Read full storyThe curious case of Obama's blacked-up eyebrows
Washington - White House stylists have been accused of heavy-handed use of the cosmetic eyebrow pencil creating a glaring mismatch with the ever-greying Presidential thatch. Obama's thinning, greying curls have seen aides plead with the Prez to le...
Read full storyGod Announces Resignation on Twitter
Mr Lord God or 'The' Lord God has today announced his intention to step down from his role of being God for an indefinite amount of time. The news broke on God's official Twitter account and it had been expected for a number of weeks. He is due t...
Read full storySWAT Raids Lawn Dart Tournament, Gun Rally Participants Relieved
It was a sunny afternoon of family fun, barbecues and lawn darts in Auburn, Washington. The Cascadian Lawn Darts Association was hosting a local tournament between the Renton Renegades and the Auburn Avengers. Sharing the the park was also local gun...
Read full storyCat-Pie Poster Infuriates Small Town
A "Cat-Pie For Sale" poster has angered the townspeople of Appledore, Kent as it has been positioned directly above a long-standing missing cat poster. The cat allegedly used to make the pie, describes the exact cat that went missing two weeks ago...
Read full storyInterview with Godzilla: He Holds Forth on the Movie, Personal Stuff, and What Happened on Hawaii
Patui-Tui-Twonga, South Pacific -- Following some intensive investigative work, we caught up with Godzilla on a remote island where the resurgent mutant lizard was keeping a low profile, after having been deported from the big island of Hawaii for ca...
Read full storyNorth Korean Leader Fascinated by Beatles
Pyongyang, North Korea Rotund North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been mostly a mystery to western journalists since he took power after the death of his eccentric despotic dad, Kim Jong Il. However new revelations about young Kim will help political...
Read full storyJohnson Away: Boris Caught On Tinder
London's worst kept secret is out as the world now knows that Boris Johnson is a regular user of fuck free-for-all application Tinder. The news ironically broke to groans across the country, with Boris's scheduled appearances being cancelled, as w...
Read full storyJimmy Saville Ate My Hamster - Peers Morgan
General all - purpose monster Jimmy Saville was allegedly so evil that he would regularly eat Peers Morgan's Hamster alive. The famous 1990s red top tabloid headline was thought to be about someone else but it was revealed this morning by sources...
Read full storyIsrael PM announces alliance with Al Qaida and Hezbollah
BEIRUT, LEBANON - Israel Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, announced today that Israel will enter an alliance with Hezbollah and Al Qaida to fight the United States and Iran. The announcement came shortly after US President, Barack Hussein Obama...
Read full storyHospital's Center For Stiffy Research Handling Man's Prolonged Morning Wood
GRANITE PEAK, WHEELING, WV -- An Ohio County man whose morning wood lasts well into the afternoon has prompted the medical community to rethink its definition of the condition. Dr. Fernando Massive, director of Wheeling Hospital's Center for Stiff...
Read full storyCheney Calls Megyn Kelly and Fox News Terrorists
Washington, DCFormer U.S. Vice-President, Dick Cheney, recently appeared with his daughter Liz on the Megyn Kelly show on the Fox News Network. Until Ms. Kelly had the audacity to tell Cheney that he got it all wrong, he expected the questions to be...
Read full storyEngland Win World Cup Of Smugness!
Even with theIr football team facing an early exit from the World Cup, the English are celebrating a comfortable triumph at the World Cup of Smugness. With England creating more smug bastards per square mile than any other country in the world by...
Read full storyParis flea market renamed after Queen
Paris, France - The world famous Marché aux Puces has been renamed after Queen Elizabeth after Parisians compared her 70th D Day Commemoration outfit to a bit of thrift shop tat. This morning President Francois Hollande escorted the octogenarian m...
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