Top 10 excuses why the New York Rangers won't win the Stanley Cup

Written by Michael Balton

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

image for Top 10 excuses why the New York Rangers won't win the Stanley Cup
Sharpen your skates. This sport can get slippery.

The New York Rangers weren't expected to earn a spot in this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs. But they surprised the experts by making it to the final round. Unfortunately, their opponent, the Los Angeles Kings, is playing up to expectations, and is about to leave the New York team with no Stanley Cup, and an abundance of excuses. Here are the top 10:

10. Down-tempo National Anthem killed Ranger's momentum.

9. Paid off the wrong referee.

8. There is no "I" in "Rangers."

7. There is a "C" in "Concussion," but that's hard to remember after you've had a few of them.

6. Wanted to keep the goal nets in good shape for fishing this summer.

5. DeBlasio's "green" taxis not allowed to enter Midtown.

4. Can't stand that new carpet smell in Madison Square Garden.

3. No Wi-Fi in the penalty box.

2. Jealous Knicks fans cut the Zamboni's brake lines.

1. Saw something. Shot something. Scored nothing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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