England Win World Cup Of Smugness!

Written by Jack Allen

Sunday, 15 June 2014


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Only Second?! Fuck off!!

Even with theIr football team facing an early exit from the World Cup, the English are celebrating a comfortable triumph at the World Cup of Smugness.

With England creating more smug bastards per square mile than any other country in the world by over three times their nearest competitor, victory was wrapped up with relative ease. England's Dame Kelly Holmes, Dame Helen Mirren, Ricky Gervais, Adrian Chiles and Matt Bellamy put the country into a comfortable second place within the first round with Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell and David Cameron then catapulting England into first place, and rightly so! Germany closely missed out to Ireland for the second spot, due to smugness from those recently in a coma not being included.

England's level of smugness has risen exponentially over recent times, even though its economy is f****d beyond recognition and its national hobbies have seemingly changed from moaning and drinking to gang rape and playing hide the sausage with minors. However, the level of smugness hasn't risen in all areas as the county of Yorkshire is still playing the 'historical smugness' card, stating things were previously miles better, regardless of the year anyone conversing with a Yorkshireman is referring to.

With this being the clearest victory for a nation at the World Cup of Smugness since Ireland's 2008 victory, spearheaded by Bono's Man of Peace award, a number of countries have already conceded the next tournament. This has resulted in an English spokesman saying, "well, I'm hardly surprised when comparing their track record and ours. They're inferior in every department. Maybe they'll do better at something else, like gardening."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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