SWAT Raids Lawn Dart Tournament, Gun Rally Participants Relieved

Funny story written by Kevin Nelson

Saturday, 28 June 2014

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It was a sunny afternoon of family fun, barbecues and lawn darts in Auburn, Washington. The Cascadian Lawn Darts Association was hosting a local tournament between the Renton Renegades and the Auburn Avengers. Sharing the the park was also local gun enthusiast organization called "Second Amendment-Second To None."

On one side of the field were people engaged in a game of lawn darts and on the other people exercising the second amendment rights to bear arms in public. Many of the people had semi-automatic weapons strapped to their backs as well as shot guns. Many were only carrying automatic pistols on their hips.

The peace and calm was ruptured by the storming of three tactical police vehicles that were positioned between the two groups. The police exploded out of the vehicle with a fury and quickly surrounded the lawn dart teams with tactical precision. The police screamed for the lawn dart players to slowing lay down their darts and get on the ground as well as not to move a muscle.

One lawn dart enthusiast later identified as Smitty Maxwell yelled, "You'll have to pry my lawn darts from my cold dead hands, fascists!" as they dragged him away kicking and screaming.

The police rounded up the contraband lawn darts which were banned by an Act of Congress in 1988. A police spokesmen said, "we have quickly naturalized this threat to the public safety and the well-being of the participants of the other people in the park and the people attending the gun rally. There was some concern by the gun rally participants that an errant lawn dart might strike someone and cause an injury or possibly death. The gun rally participants simply did not feel safe so close to people playing lawn darts, which has been a felony since 1988.

Sam Schneider from Tacoma, Washington said," Man, that was just crazy. Thank goodness the police arrived and stopped that lawn dart nonsense. There are kids here and those things are dangerous. It could poke an eye out or something. It's not like a firearm with a safety switch. Sam points to the 25 caliber Smith and Wesson that his toddler is sucking on. Somebody could really get hurt."

Ed Goddard of Seatac, Washington added, "Who the heck do these people think they are putting people in harm's way like that, don't they know lawn darts are illegal and proven to be unsafe? I just didn't feel safe around nut jobs like that" he said as he adjusted the sling on his AK-47.

Local and federal prosecutors are looking into whether more charges will be added and whether there are more practitioners of this scourge on society in the area. If you see people playing lawn darts in your neighborhood, do not approach them directly but call the police promptly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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