Scotsmen can defend themselves if they gain their "Freedom" in the referendum and no nuclear weapons will be allowed to park in Lochs or they will be clamped or towed away, a famous Scotsman said this morning.
The man, who is famous for being featured on Scots Porridge Oats Boxes and is rumoured to be the favourite to become Scotland's Minister of State for Defense, said:
"Scotland may come to an arrangement so that Obama can park and maintain the subs in a "Stateless" Guatanamo Bay type area near Aberystwith in Wales. The area is uninhabited I think.
"They will have to leave the keys with the Harbor Chief. If we haven't any nuclear missiles we won't be a primary target for nuclear strikes any more."