Stores Fill Shelves With Crap In Preparation For Father's Day

Written by D P Whitehead

Thursday, 5 June 2014


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Fort Lauderdale Dad Does Not Want A Mug - Get Me Some Chicken Wings Or A Hand Job

Thousands of frantic Walmart, Target and K-Mart employees are busy stocking shelves this evening with useless and utter shit in preparation for Father's Day, as kids around the country begrudgingly delve into their pocket's to buy Dad something he does not want, does not need and which will either be broken or lost in less than a month.

"We have back-scratchers, nasal hair removing devices, books on cars, books on hunting and books on sport - all lined up for kid's to gift to their old man," said one busy store manager, "and we also have mugs that say "World's Best Dad", key chains that are emblazoned with "#1 Dad" and of course lots and lots of cards. we expect to sell a lot of useless shit this weekend and throughout next week."

Meanwhile Dad's across America are pleading with their kids to get them something useful this year.

One Dad, in Fort Lauderdale, has asked his kids to chip in for a hooker, or a $50 voucher at a titty bar; or both, if the selfish self centered little brats gave a fuck about me that is.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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