God Announces Resignation on Twitter

Funny story written by Matt Brown

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

image for God Announces Resignation on Twitter
A recent backlog of dead people has seen purgatory employees becoming overwhelmed

Mr Lord God or 'The' Lord God has today announced his intention to step down from his role of being God for an indefinite amount of time.

The news broke on God's official Twitter account and it had been expected for a number of weeks. He is due to release a further detailed statement at 18:00 BST.

It was known that there had been a backlog of dead-people arriving into heaven in the last couple of weeks, many of whom did not have the correct documentation and it is believed that God was beginning to feel the strain but many felt he would have been able to cope considering his many years of experience, or he could have at least outsourced a few tasks to hell.

Pals close to God cited the reasons for his resignation stating that 'he didn't want to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of his life'. He added that he was 'tired of being all loving and forgiving and didn't really like people anymore'

Betting for his successor has been suspended with William Hill and Betfred closing the Steve Jobs market. Midday activity saw a lot of money going towards the Stephen Hawking market. Career atheist and God expert Richard Dawkins has thrown his ring into the hat and has reiterated his belief that he always was and always will be God. Some media are pushing for a Fox News led universe but Rupert Murdoch has stated that he 'can't be bloody arsed, I am too rich and too old'.

The Monty Python Flying Circus have entered as outside candidates and it wouldn't be a surprise to see some sort of sketch-based consortium taking up office come next week. It had been rumoured earlier this week that the devil had been offered some form of temporary role as he does have previous experience but those claims were quashed almost as fast as they'd been circulated. Of course it can only be a man and if no suitable successor is found the decision will be put before God's boss, The Gods, on Monday morning.

Whoever the new guy is they will take their role on Sunday where they will walk out into the street and be beamed up directly into heaven. When God has shown him around the office Lord intends to take the time to finish up some last minute paperwork in purgatory before taking a well-earned break in his en suite Universe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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