There were 239 spoof news stories published in August 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Boobs, Butts, and Beyond! Cellphones Condemn Current Selfie Craze
The cellphones made their feelings known yesterday at a noon demonstration in NYC's Times Square. A mix of tourists and native New Yorkers observed the proceedings. The former were startled, but the latter merely looked resigned. The natives have s...
Read full storyNYC Carriage Horses Start A New Business
The slogan? Buy beautiful blinders! The horses became entrepreneurs when Mayor Bill de Blasio indicated his dislike for the horse-and-carriage trade. Faced with losing their jobs, the NYC horses galloped onto another endeavor. After years of be...
Read full storyTroll Manically 1 Stars As Many Books As She Can Before Embarking On Two Hour Long Masturbation Session
A prolific book reviewer on a popular book review website (and troll cave)has managed to "1 Star" over 500 books she hasn't read before embarking on a marathon session of self abuse. Beth Varicose, 57 - holder of the World Record for having more d...
Read full storyGoodreads Troll Spends Three Months Writing Review
A prolific book reviewer on popular website (and troll cave) 'Goodreads' has finally completed writing her 40,000 word, 1 star review for New York Times bestselling novel "The Gordonston Ladies Dog Walking Club" - calling her review a "masterpiece" b...
Read full storyPresident Obama Rushed to Hospital with Chest Pain
President Barack Obama was rushed to the Walter Reed Army Medical Center with reported shortness of breath and chest pain, after being briefed about the results of a study tracking the progress of the first wave of "DREAMers", or those young people e...
Read full storyEbola Virus Tweets: "Keep Donald Trump Out of Here"
MONROVIA, LIBERIA--An Ebola virus today tweeted: "Heard Donald Trump will visit Africa in a few days. Please don't let this form of vermin in. Keep Donald Trump out of here!" The Ebola virus was apparently responding to rumors that Donald Trump...
Read full storyBook Review - How To Speak French: Learn French Phrases by Henri Lereau
I have to say I am a little disappointed by this book. I spent 6 months studying the French language, going through this book meticulously, I read it chapter by chapter - probably 10 times. After 6 months my french was perfect - in fact I consider myself fluent in the language. It wasn't easy mind you; no - it was hard - but I thought it well worth the effort. Imagine then, to my horror, wh...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly Arrested In Albuquerque for Cross Dressing, Purse Snatching, Shoplifting and Impersonating a Police Officer
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - FOX News talking head Bill O'Reilly was arrested last light in downtown Albuquerque for a number of charges, including Impersonating a Police Officer. "We discovered Mr. O'Reilly in a downtown alley with a sharp long wire. He...
Read full storyFlorida Man Unable To Tell Jimmy Kimmel & Jimmy Fallon Apart
A Florida man was scratching his head in confusion last night after he once again failed to tell Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon apart - at one stage even convincing himself that they were the same person. "I simply do not know which one is which,"...
Read full storyVanilla Ice-cream Back on Top of the Charts With Remake: "ISIS, ISIS BABY"
Miami - Ribert Van Wonkle, AKA Vanilla Ice-cream, is back to bank a little coin to further build his home remodeling company, as well as light up the overseas music charts with a remake of his hit single from the 1990's. Ice-cream, who seems to be...
Read full storyFirst Lady Finishes Assembling WallMart Computer Desk For Barack Obama
In a significant blow to The President Of The United States' ego, Michelle Obama proudly told a meeting of women C.E.Os that she always assembled furniture kits, as her husband had not got any patience and never read the directions. "He is absolutely...
Read full storyCelebrities attack selfish Palestinians for caring more about their lives under siege, than their Hollywood careers
Hollywood celebrities have brought the streets of downtown to a standstill asking for the Palestinians to stop being so self obsessed, stop playing the victim card and let some other less contentious world issue dominant the Tv screens and news agend...
Read full storyTroll Losing Sleep Worrying About Book Lists
A prolific book reviewer on a popular book reviewing website (and troll cave) has began taking ambien and Xanax to help her sleep after spending countless nights wide awake and worrying about how certain books appeared on her "lists" on the troll in...
Read full storyTroll Shocked To Discover Fellow Trolls Are "Ethnics"
A prolific book reviewer on a popular book review website (and troll cave)is reeling in shock after discovering that some of the members of her online review group are not "white" and that several are teenage girls while one is a registered sex offen...
Read full storyShades of 'Ecuador judicial model' as $100m bung to German court ends F1 boss' bribery trial
Munich - Not since bent NYC lawyer Steven Donziger perpetrated the mass bribery of Ecuador's justice department, judges, court officials, etc, in the notorious $19bn Chevron scam has another sovereign state's judicial system been exposed as blatantly...
Read full storyCongress Unmasked As Lizard-People: "It All Makes Sense Now."
Washington D.C.-Earlier this morning, an internal investigation conducted by the NSA revealed that almost all Senators and Congressmen are disguised lizard-people, causing Americans everywhere to smack themselves in the head, exclaim "Oh, duh!" and b...
Read full storyHulk Hogan and Jesse Ventura are Actually Women, Doctor at NASA Discovers
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Hulk Hogan and Jesse Ventura are actually women and are not men at all, and both came kicking and screaming into this world with feminine genitals, a NASA senior medical doctor discovered late last week. NASA, which does inte...
Read full storyHumanitarian Mission or Guerrilla Fighters - Convoy of Cliff Richard Fans Waiting At Portugal Border
Overnight another thousand routemasters arrived in this dusty border town on the Spanish side of the border with Portugal, joining the already 20,000 iconic London buses already gathered over the last few days. Cliff Richard fans behind this contenti...
Read full storyHomoeopathic housing to ease the housing crisis
With insufficient housing in the United Kingdom, homoeopaths have come forward to provide a solution. "Previously we used homoeopathy for medicine," said Paul Seeboh. "But we realised that it applies to a much wider range of disciplines." In me...
Read full storyJustin Bieber spat with orlando bloom intensifies - offers acting lessons
Gossip pages around the world quickly picked up on the news that Justin Bieber had provoked orlando bloom once again, leading Peter Jacskon asking Bieber to leave his buddy alone. Not satisfied that he had made him cry in Ibiza in front of his friend...
Read full storySyFy Channel Announces Sharknado Spin-Off: "Slothicane!"
Boca Raton, FL - TV executives from the SyFy Channel are excited after receiving great ratings for the latest Sharknado offering and have already announced a new project, Slothicane! According to early reports, the plot for Slothicane will fol...
Read full storyMan freezes to death in the iciest of ice bucket challenges
Bronx, N.Y. - Ice bucket challenges have gone viral in the social media circuit. These challenges involve a nomination of friends who will either take the challenge or donate to a charity to fund research to reduce morbidity and mortality caused by A...
Read full storyGene Simmonds to Buy Gaza Strip
Stinking rich hyper-mega-rock-star Gene Simmonds, who made his trillions leading the heavy-metal band CHISZ, announced his plan to bring peace to the Middle East today. "I've just inked a deal to buy the Gaza strip, and am negotiating an offer on...
Read full storyK-Mart Changes Employee Dental Coverage: Limits Number of Teeth Covered
Hoffman Estates, Illinois - K-Mart Corporation has changed the dental insurance it provides to employees to limit the number of teeth covered per individual. K-Mart's previous dental insurance covered all teeth for all paid participants. The new...
Read full storyKanye sues to block remake of Hitchcock's North By Northwest
Hollywood, LA - Plans for a remake of the 1959 classic spy thriller are being challenged in the LA courts on plagiarism grounds. 37 year-old rapper Kanye West and his wife Kim have instructed lawyers to block the iconic Hitchcock movie remake in c...
Read full storyFifty Year Old White Guy With Dreadlocks "Probably A Cunt" Thinks Florida Man
47 year old Fort Lauderdale man, Duncan Whitehead, has made the split second assumption that the fifty year old man (or thereabouts) who he saw walking along South Beach Miami yesterday afternoon is probably a total and utter cunt. Whitehead's ass...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich gets the ice bucket challenge from Fifth Avenue co-op board
New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich has been waterboarded in Manhattan in the latest ice bucket challenge twist. This afternoon a five-strong, $250m Manhattan co-op board poured icy cold water on the Russian's condo plans before drenching...
Read full storyEvolution Confirmed in Lost Bible
JERUSALEM- Archaeologists have discovered a lost book from the Christian New Testament, allegedly confirming the principles of evolution. The work was found in a cave near the city of Jerusalem. Entitled the 'Book of GEROM', (Genetic Evoluti...
Read full storyFacebook made me transgender!
Facebook have been at it again, manipulating people through their 'social experiments', well this time, they have gone to far for one woman from Kendal. "Facebook made me transgender," said Caroline Meechan from Kendal. "I used to be Charles Meech...
Read full storyMissouri Cops Sent to Sesame Street
Sesame Street, USA - Police in Missouri are being told how to get to Sesame Street for career counseling and psychological reprogramming. "Every little boy plays soldier at some time in his development," said Evelyn Puchlens, executive director of...
Read full storyAlex Salmond Promises Scottish Only Music Charts On Independence Free of English Queerness
After a tough week in which critics and supporters both agreed that he hadn't fared well in the first live television debate, Alex Salmond has decided to go for the youth vote, promising that never again will Scotland have to listen to the Top 40 wh...
Read full storyElderly Take Over Virginia Old Folks Home
At 5:56 p.m on August 11, 2014, Christiansberg, Virginia police received a call from inside the Christiansberg Retirement Home. On the other line was a frightened employee who claimed that the entire home was being taken over by riot. I am as sho...
Read full storyFears about 'exploding manhole cover syndrome' outside Ecuador embassy making Julian Assange bonkers
London, UK - A build-up of toxic safe house gases under the Ecuadorian embassy building in Knightsbridge has hit the fugitive from justice hard. WikiLeaks renegade Julian Assange fears his life is in danger from a potential explosion outside his...
Read full storyNFL Commissioner Allegedly Considering Replacing Human Players With Robots
NEW YORK--In an attempt to deal with domestic violence cases which have blackened the reputation of his league, as well as to forestall the further growth of class-action suits pertaining to dementia, concussions and other disorders by National Footb...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Roiled By ISIS Envy
According to the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI), the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIS) has recently surpassed Al Qaeda in social media exposure for their gruesome beheadings and executions. Even terrorist groups pay attention...
Read full storyBruce Jenner, hearing rumors of his alleged sex change, pouts
MALLEABLE MALIBU -- Olympic has-been, athlete Bruce Jenner has become obsessed with wearing women's undergarments, which have led to rumors, allegedly spread by his wife Kris (note the masculine name of his bitter half), that the former track-and-fie...
Read full storyTwitter Birdies Go On Shopping Spree
"Shop till you drop" doesn't apply only to humans. Twitter birdies, bored with their usual endeavors, have taken to shopping. Boy, have they taken to shopping! During the last few weeks, the best stores on Fifth Avenue in NYC have been packe...
Read full storyIce Bucket Challenge spreads
The Ice Bucket Challenge has raised over fifty million dollars for research in ALS Motor Neurone Disease, and spread around the world in a phenomenal way, more than could ever have been envisaged. Because everybody knows at least seven people who've...
Read full storyBear Grylls Breaks Down After Camera Crew Leaves For Five Minutes
Bear Grylls, survival expert, tragically broke down and entered what appears to be a catatonic state on his latest adventure in the Siberian Tundra due to the onset of hypothermia after being left alone by his camera crew for five minutes. The team w...
Read full storyLeBron James Rats Out on Cavaliers, Signs on with Texas Rangers, May Play Hockey with Red Wings this Winter
CLEVELAND, Ohio - LeBron James has reneged on his contract to play NBA basketball for the Cleveland Cavaliers and instead has signed a three-year deal to be a relief pitcher for the Texas Rangers. Not even a month ago, King James signed a two-yea...
Read full storyVacuum Salesman Can't Believe Your Family Isn't Already Fucking Dead
Your Home, USA-Mark Rosen has just entered your home to show you the great suction and cleaning power of his new Shark Rocket cleaning system, and to be honest, he can't believe how you and your family have survived without it. "Its suction power...
Read full storyThis Week's Top 20 Movies
This Weeks Top 20 Hollywood Movies. 1. It's Okay to Murder Dark People. 2. Killing the Innocent is Fun. 3. How to Kill a Thousand People Before You Get The Bad Guy. 4. Teenage Terrorist Nympho on Speed. 5. Terror And Sex Part 12. 6. Terror Stalks The White House at Night. 7. A Blonde Swedish Terrorist with Big Tits in New York... at Night. 8. The Tibetan Monk Terrorist. 9. War on Terriers...
Read full storyFirst Ever Bookmaker Discovered
ROME ITALY Archaeologists in Rome have unearthed the remains of what appears to have been the world's first known bookmaker. They have concluded from examining his sarcophagus remains that the man apparently had leapt to his death very possibly from...
Read full storyThe Holy Trinity to Go Their Separate Ways
HEAVEN--After existing for nearly two millennia as consubstantial roommates, the Holy Trinity--God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit--are splitting up. Theologians thought they had settled the debate of the Holy Trinity more than a...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Attacks Her Pro Palestinian Plastic Surgeon for Making Her Look Like Yassar Arafat - Israel Refuses Her Asylum As West Bank Rejoices
Joan Rivers recent comments seemingly to support Israeli actions, backfired as her Beverly Hills plastic surgeon took revenge. Apparently sick of being associated as Joan Rivers loyal plastic surgeon, he had been subjected to daily protests from anti...
Read full storyEx White House Insider: George W. Bush Proposed Switching From Gold to 'Wood Standard' Among Other 'Startling' Initiatives
Louisville, KY - A former White House aide for George W. Bush said that the president offered a number of proposals in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina that were "rather startling". A high-level discussion within the administration began shortly...
Read full storyTales of Robin Williams surfacing after his death
SAN FRANCISCO, Cal. -- Information on the death of actor/comedian Robin Williams continues to surface and make news days after his apparent suicide shocked the world. The slow stream of information has, however, gone from the sublime to the ridiculou...
Read full storyAssault Weapons Chief Says God Is On His Side
Commenting on the accidental murder of a nine-year-old girl's assault weapons instructor on a gun range, because of her inability to control her Uzi submachine gun, and thus blowing part of his brains out, Wayne La Pisse of the "Owning Guns Is A God-...
Read full storyBuster Himen and the Penetrators Will Be First Concert At New Arena
Bangor - The new Cherry Blossom Arena is hosting its first event this evening when the Indie rock band Buster Himen and the Penetrators blow into town for the first concert of their 69-show tour. The band was formed two years ago and is highly re...
Read full storyPolice now searching random 70's pop singers houses in hope to find evidence of sexual offences
In a bold attempt to clamp down on historic sexual offences against minors or women, the London Metropolitan Police have decided to randomly searched all homes of pop singers and TV presenters from the 1970's, with the aim of finding some evidence of...
Read full storyTerrorist Tornado Causes Injuries at St. Louis Airport
The Terrorist Services Organization (TSA) closed down the St. Louis Lambert Field after a suicide tornado struck the field today. Although no specific terrorist group took immediate responsibility for the attack, managers at the TSA acknowledged t...
Read full storyObama Teed Off Over Beheading: Alonzo Mourning With President
BILLINGSGATE POST: Martha's Vineyard - White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest today responded to critics who suggested that President Obama should not have played golf immediately after giving an emotional speech condemning the ISIS beheading of J...
Read full storyKate Middleton's cocaine dealer uncle is supermarket's Mr Bombastic
London - Gary Goldsmith has a new line of work after securing a contract channeling national supermarket's Mr Bombastic. A series of naff TV ads promoting the price cutting supermarket features the 69 year-old as a savvy pot-bellied gnome outsmar...
Read full storyNew Google Maps app so detailed it will spot those buried bodies in your garden
Google has launched a new satellite into space last week. The Satellite's purpose is to improve the aerial photographs on their Google Maps app. "The detail on the pictures will be incredible" said head of Google Pierre Bustock. "You can see e...
Read full storyMan who gets drunk daily denies that he's an alcoholic
New York, N.Y. - Drew Dow of Roosevelt Island is an ordinary man with an extraordinary ability: his stomach uses excess yeast in his digestive tract to ferment carbs and sugar-dense foods into alcohol. This rare health condition is called auto-brewer...
Read full storyPoland Realizes Only Hot Tourist Spot Is Both German Made And A Concentration Camp
During efforts in modernizing the nation for travelers, Poland just realized that their number one tourist destination is both German made and a concentration camp. The statement came during an announcement from Poland's Ministry of Sport and Tourism...
Read full storyThis Week's Top 20 Chart of Best Selling Records
THIS WEEK'S BEST SELLING RECORDS. Top 20 1. Now I Must Die. Help me... Please! Please! Please! 2. Tomorrow I Must die. Or... the day after. 3 Stop Hurting me. Please... Please... before I kill you. 4. Without You, what is the use of Living? 5. If You Go Away I will die from dope or alcohol, just to Please you. 6. I Can't Live with or Without you. I am a Freemason. 7. If you go Away, so mu...
Read full storyHoward Schultz Joins Hamptons' Kings Of Rubbish In Highway Adoption Sign Scheme
Long Island, New York - It's the ultimate Hamptons must-have, your very own personally sponsored highway hoarding giving directions to...the nearest trash dumpster! And it's got Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz chomping at the bit after a Gracie Lane...
Read full storyMan Sends E-Mails Filled With Anthrax
Tired of all this "Pencil pushing bullshit," Staples accountant William Black, snapped and sent hundreds of e-mails filled with anthrax to his friends, family and co-workers. His vile act sparked mild irritation among the hearts of his annoyances.
Read full storyESPN Suspends All Network Employees for Future Insensitive Remarks
Bristol, CT - Hank Williams Jr., Max Kellerman and Stephen A. Smith are only a few of the recipients of ESPN's rash of suspensions or firings, handed out after each made comments deemed politically incorrect by the sports network. So, as a pre...
Read full storyMan Sues Ex-Girlfriend For Unpaid Sexual Favors
The male community of a small town in Nevada are extremely concerned about a recent lawsuit that has reached the local news. 31 year old Robert Peacock, of Rumsfield, is taking his ex-girlfriend to small claims court with accusations of unpaid sexual...
Read full storyFalklands In Argentinian Government Bonds Rescue
The British Falkland Islands are now the new owners of all Argentina's Government bonds, infrastructure shares, mining and commodity stock after an anticipated IMF approved rescue plan was implemented at 6.00 hrs this morning. The move is expected t...
Read full storyMayo Clinic accused of using fudged data in fart survey!
A press conference was held this morning in Rochester, Minnesota by a large group of the participants in the recent Mayo Clinic survey: The heartbreak of LYOF (Loving your own farts). The group is contending that the survey was not only flawed by the...
Read full storyEnd of The Universe?
Scientists at the Hadron Particle Accelerator outside Geneva, Switzerland are all excited at being given 'permission' to conduct a "ground breaking" particle experiment in the 27 kilometre long tunnel. Lead particles will be accelerated at veloci...
Read full storyRosie and Ellen "Delighted" that Miss Spain is gay
THE REIGN IN, SPAIN -- In the wake of her recent Instagram announcement of her engagement to disk jockey Vanessa Cortes, former Miss Spain, Patricia ("Patty-Cakes") Yurena ("The Urinal") Rodriquez ("Rocky"), has created quite a furor among like-minde...
Read full storyEntire Population of Detroit Gets Inflicted with Mad Cow Disease
DETROIT, Mich. - The entire population of Michigan's largest city, Detroit, has somehow come down with Mad Cow Disease. All 701,475 residents of this hard-luck place were struck with this horrible affliction Friday night, between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m...
Read full storyNorth West Kardashian is to be Married Off to Bobby "Bonzai" Bonacelli This Sunday on Saint Kitts Island
BASSETERRE on SAINT KITTS ISLAND - North West Kardashian/West is to be married off to Bobby "Bonzai" Bonacelli this coming Sunday in a $5 million wedding extravaganza extraordinaire' on the Caribbean Island of Saint Kitts, in the quaint city of Bass...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Denies Scraping Car Paintwork On White House Gates
The first lady has denied scraping the paintwork of her husband's vintage Rolls-Royce on the White House gate while trying to avoid running over a pigeon yesterday. Rumors that she applied eyeliner and nail color to disguise the damaged bodywork,...
Read full storyTrump Warns That American Patient Has Zombie Strain Of Ebola
MANHATTAN -- Donald Trump is insisting the American returned to U.S. soil with the Ebola virus has contracted a mutated zombie strain of the disease that can reanimate the dead, which could lead to Democrats trying to register them to vote, according...
Read full storyNew DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin
ROME--Biblical scholars have long been puzzled by a passage by a man named Baruch, in the apocryphal text of the same name, which reads, "Yeah. I hit on that. She was a nice piece of ass, though a bit of a holy roller for my taste." Although schol...
Read full storyObese Man Uses GPS To Find His Penis
In a medical and technological first, doctors at Bueller University Hospital have implanted a GPS signaling device in the head of the penis of a severely obese man. The surgery was performed earlier this week. The man's name is being withheld in ord...
Read full storyAlmost 39 Million African-Americans Not Shot By Police Last Week
Ferguson, MO - Last week a white police officer in Ferguson, MO, shot and killed Michael Brown, who was an 18 years old black male. The shooting has ignited demonstrations and riots in the city of Ferguson, as well as other locations across the U.S.
Read full storyObummer "bummed" about Ferguson
WHITEWASHINGTON, AC/DC -- In a White House rose garden interview, as he sipped mint juleps and was fanned by "aides," President Barack Obummer lamented the fact that he is "bummed" about the "Ferguson" incident, the shooting of African-American thief...
Read full storyNut-Free Mile High Airways in anaphylactic shock at flight attendant's brazilian
New York - An airline catering to the lucrative Asian eunuch market is being sued by one of its hand-picked staff. Nut-Free Mile High Airways accidentally posted nude pics of 2014 Flight Attendant of the Year winner Willy Hazel on its holiday boo...
Read full storyDan Uggla Released From Giants; Refuses To Wear Adult Sized Jersey
SAN FRANSISCO, Ca: Reports are flooding from inside the San Francisco Giants' Clubhouse regarding the release of their dumpy mid-season pickup, Dan Uggla. Uggla can't seem to find a home after his recent flop in Atlanta, as they released him just a f...
Read full storyFirst Lady Michelle Obama's ongoing food fight to rid American schools of "racist menus"
COMING SOON TO A SCHOOL NEAR YOU - Michelle Obama has banished the pink cookie beloved by millions of red-blooded Americans. According to the First Lady, "the dessert have too many calorie" for children, or, for that matter, the president himself...
Read full storyJackson's Neverland estate a $100m fracking teardown
Los Olivos, California - Executors marketing Michael Jackson's estate have received a $100m bid for Neverland from reclusive Colorado Springs entrepreneur 'Mr F Racking'. Described by Forbes That's Rich! list as a self-made mover 'n' shaker Racki...
Read full storyFinders Weepers - Cops Cuff Criminal Coin Collector
Providence, RI, and Athens, Gr -- Usually, it's a case of finders keepers, losers weepers. Not this time, though. A "prominent collector" in Rhode Island (which, despite its name, is not actually an island) relinquished his claims to ownership...
Read full storyScottish viewers disappointed Salmond didn't use "Braveheart" quotes more in independence TV debate
The first televised debate between Scottish nationalist Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling happened this week. The two debated whether Scotland should leave the United Kingdom, however many Scottish viewers had expressed their disappointment that Sal...
Read full storyMadonna sends one million bottles of Kabbalah Water as Ebola holy cure
New York - Cynics insist it's just a toxic cocktail of surplus aircon coolant and radiator overflow from bleeding her Manhattan condo central heating system. This morning one million litres of Madonna's holy Kabbalah Water was enroute to Ebola-t...
Read full storyLatest fad in body modification: customized nipples
Some folks think nipples are intrinsically sexy. Others think they're just plain gross. Whether one finds nipples appealing or appalling, she (or, for that matter, he) can now do something about it, thanks to Nipped in the Bud. "We customize your...
Read full storyDavid Moyes Man United timeline - What went wrong?
One year on and we take a look back at David Moyes time as manager of Manchester United July 1st - Fails to recognise Wayne Rooney on first day at job. Despite managing him at Everton. Rooney never properly forgives him. July 18th - Moyes sugge...
Read full storyRussian Jetliner Accidentally Shot Down by Louisiana Duck Hunters
An Aeroflot Airbus A330 was accidentally shot down on its approach to New Orleans by an as yet unidentified member of a duck hunting party led by Phil Robinson of "Duck Republic" fame. Said Robinson, also famous for inventing the "Duck Dictator" d...
Read full storyPresident Obama refuses to cut short his holiday over new controversial Taylor Swift music video
President Obama declined to cut his holiday in Jamaica short today due to the controversy surrounding Taylor Swifts new music video. Her video for the pop single "Shake it off" has caused controversy throughout the vlogosphere (real word) due to the...
Read full storyTed Nugent Opens' Kill Any Animal You Want with a Machine Gun' Amusement Park
BUMMED OUT, Texas - The Motor City Moron, who's been popping off for a long time now with impunity, finally has some consequences for being such a loud-mouthed, arrogant, dangerous pig-of-an asshole - and he's been hit just where it hurts the most -...
Read full storyObama Orders Air Force to go on Strike
PERSIAN GULF - On the USS George HW Bush, United States military personnel have gone on general strike. Picket signs were seen as navy airmen locked hands around their aircraft. "1, 2, 3, 4, better pay for better war; 5, 6, 7, 8, management we...
Read full storyHarry Potter Fans Accused Of Porno Inferno
Porn mogul 'Big' Dick Littlejohn has today accused Harry Potter fans of arson after the set of his latest movie Harry Do-Her and the Golden Shower burnt down last night in a huge conflagration in South London. "Those potty fans have had in for me...
Read full storySpanish Boats Cleared Out Of Way Of Navy In Gibraltar Libyan Rescue Operations
Spanish navy and survey vessels were given an ultimatum by U.S. and British Navy Chiefs this morning. They were told to observe International Maritime Law and allow the vessels to pass unhindered through the Straits of Gibraltar. Chief of Navy S...
Read full storyJoan Rivers and the Nodule of Hate
Joan Rivers is reportedly critical after she stopped breathing during vocal chord surgery. An unnamed source revealed that the surgery was intended to 'remove a build up of vitriol'. He went on to say that 'various isms had calcified', effectivel...
Read full storyNew Study Reveals Shocking Tips on How a Wife Can Help Her Husband Get a Raise
This week, The Wall Street Journal [WSJ] reported that to earn a bigger paycheck, "you will need to do more than just a top rate job." According to the WSJ, "an effective strategy for obtaining a raise also requires a top rate performance from your s...
Read full storyPalestinians to Convert to Judaism; Arab-Israeli conflict ends
RAMALLAH, WEST BANK ----- Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas has declared his intention to have all Palestinians convert to Judaism. In a press conference on Wednesday, Abbas decried the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian conflict. "What has seventy ye...
Read full storyChurch of Scamatology Solves Riot and Crime Problems in St. Louis
ST. LOUIS, MO. Church of Scamatology leaders knew they had to act fast when the news of St. Louis riots, due to the shooting death of Michael Brown by law enforcement officials, hit the airwaves. Mustering their Volunteer Minister forces, they swo...
Read full storyLadies Formula One Grand Prix To Be Held in Gibraltar
Bernice Eccles, the diminutive Ladies Formula One boss is adamant that the race will go ahead in Gibraltar on December 1st. Bernice, fresh from victory in a French court case has fought for seven years to hold the race around the cordoned off "Round...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un is Selling His Comic Collection on Craigslist
Pyongyang, North Korea Kim Jong-Un, in an effort to raise some fast cash to finance building some bigger and faster rockets, announced that he will be selling his comic book collection on Craigslist and will be giving an extra good deal to anyone who...
Read full storyObummer makes spectacle of himself
WHITEWASHINGTON, AC/DC -- While fashionistas give the president a hand for condescending to wear a necktie while addressing the world at large, they haven't been as impressed with Barack Obummer's latest selection of clothing color. While admittin...
Read full storyIn Columbia, no nudes is good nudes
BOGATA -- Paola Builes Aristzabal, who won the title of Miss Antioquia by showing off her curvaceous figure, was "shocked" to learn that she has been disqualified as a contestant in the Miss Columbia beauty pageant. Judges stripped the naughty Mis...
Read full storyFerguson Mayor Discusses Pending Swimsuit
Ferguson mayor James Knowles has finally begun discussing with journalists several pending swimsuits he intends to purchase, putting an end to media speculation about his intentions. "There's 22,000 residents in our community," Knowles told report...
Read full storyThe One World Religion Begins
Since Pope John Paul 11 began the foundation work of building a One World Religion, the Jesuits, in obeyance to their current leader Pope Francis have been hard at work. In a significant move to bring Protestant and Catholic churches together it w...
Read full storyChimps Sue Planet of the Apes Makers
Chimps are filing lawsuits against the Planet Of the Apes makers citing unfair portrayals in the film. One of the chimps signed furiously to his human counsel citing that the makers artistic license has been taken too far and these are not real ch...
Read full storyMan spies on neighbours for entertainment after running out of DVD boxsets to watch
Gary Flatters from Northwich admitted on Thursday night to spying on his next door neighbours "The Holt's" family, in a desperate attempt to fill the void for entertainment in his life. "Since I finished watching Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad...
Read full storyScamatology Wins Cult of the Year Award
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN It was announced today the Church of Scamatology has been selected by the International Cult Committee to be the recipient of the coveted Cult of the Year award. In doing so, they beat out the Moonies, Children of God, and over 100...
Read full story