Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

image for Kate Middleton's cocaine dealer uncle is supermarket's Mr Bombastic
Fully dressed here unlike the TV ad where nothing more than a skimpy mankiini covers his beer belly

London - Gary Goldsmith has a new line of work after securing a contract channeling national supermarket's Mr Bombastic.

A series of naff TV ads promoting the price cutting supermarket features the 69 year-old as a savvy pot-bellied gnome outsmarting the opposition.

Advertising executives were so impressed by Goldsmith's chubby cheeks and winsome smile they signed him up to be the new face of the nation's favorite BOGOF store.

Commenting on the unusual choice a PR executive said today their first choice had been another garden gnome lookalike - Rolf Harris - but unfortunately the octogenarian is banged up in prison.

So Gary got the contract and can be seen most evenings on UK commercial channels sporting a gnatspissgreen mankiini and a roguish smile.

Expect sister Carole Middleton to be next to jump on the bandwagon, perhaps promoting cut price suppositories or drain cleaning fluid.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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