Al Qaeda Roiled By ISIS Envy

Written by janet eve josselyn

Friday, 29 August 2014

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Damn you ISIS for stealing our thunder!

According to the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI), the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIS) has recently surpassed Al Qaeda in social media exposure for their gruesome beheadings and executions. Even terrorist groups pay attention to Twitter and YouTube. As a result, Al Qaeda has ISIS envy.

ISIS used to be known as Al Qaeda in Iraq before it was largely defeated by US troops and allied Sunni militias in the 2006 surge. In 2011, the group rebooted as ISIS and divorced from Al Qaeda in February of 2014. Today, both groups compete for control of Islamist extremist groups in the region.

The increasing media attention on ISIS has shaken Al Qaeda from top to bottom. "We destroyed two really big buildings and something like a thousand people in 2011," whined a spokesman for Al Qaeda. "But ISIS cuts one man's head off and they get all this attention and YouTube video shares. It's just not fair."

According to the media arm of Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP), "ISIS is like that cheap slut who trades sexual favors for attention in high school. They just do what they have to do to get what they want from people who don't have the self-control to say no." AQAP is also quick to point out that unlike Al Qaeda, ISIS members wear ski masks over their faces because they are ugly.

Unfortunately, the ISIS and Al Qaeda sibling rivalry has escalated to the point where both groups have unfriended each other on facebook.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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