A press conference was held this morning in Rochester, Minnesota by a large group of the participants in the recent Mayo Clinic survey: The heartbreak of LYOF (Loving your own farts). The group is contending that the survey was not only flawed by the use of fudged data but that the pill that was developed by the clinic to re-direct the gaseous results of farts was not only flawed but had results that were far beyond fudged.
Each of the participants that took the podium told of the embarrassment and humiliation that they had suffered due to the "little brown pill" that Mayo had developed to re-direct the odor due to flatulence. The Clinic had insisted that the side effects of the pill were minimal and simply re-directed the odor to the areas of the ears, eyes, nose and throat. "The side effects are quite rare," a clinic a Clinic spokesperson had stated.
A angry participant took the podium and said, "Rare my ass! This little pill has damn near ruined my life! I spent an entre day of my life being questioned by Homeland Security in New York City after sneezing in a crowded elevator! Three people were hospitalized and I was almost beaten to death by an angry mob! I kept screaming... "I AM NOT a terrorist!"
Each person that spoke to the assembled media had a tale of embarrassment and even heartbreak due to the Mayo pill and each proclaimed that they, of all people, should know if the data was fudged.
The next to the last speaker told of a broken marriage, a lost job and even being banned for life from riding elevators in his city. He broke down and sobbed as several people near him covered their faces and gasped for air!
The last man to speak was irate and accused the clinic of ruining his life. He shouted, "And if these folks at the great Mayo Clinic think I am going to participate in their newest study: The heartbreak of HMLD (Hating my little dick), they have another think coming! Can you imagine the side effects that new pill will have!? On the other hand," and he gave a wry smile, "a feller could wake up one morning and find out he was Daddy to a future Kentucky Derby winner!!"