Assault Weapons Chief Says God Is On His Side

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 30 August 2014

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Commenting on the accidental murder of a nine-year-old girl's assault weapons instructor on a gun range, because of her inability to control her Uzi submachine gun, and thus blowing part of his brains out, Wayne La Pisse of the "Owning Guns Is A God-Given Right" association commented, "oops."

La Pisse gave the same analysis when he remarked on the tragedy, six years ago, when an 8-year-old boy lost control of an Uzi and killed himself at a Massachusetts target practicing range.

In elaborating on today's "oops" remark, La Pisse said that children, as young as seven, have a "God-given right to shoot lethal battlefield weapons on America's gun ranges as long as their instructors have not exceeded their state's legal alcohol intake limits."

"We think it's worth the lives of a few children shooting on the ranges, in order to enable other kids to have fun shooting at targets in preparation to kill the bad guys in successful U.S. military adventures like the War in Iraq. Too, target practice for seven-year-olds, wielding machine guns, prepares them for shooting birds and other small animals when they hunt with their macho, real men dads," said La Pisse.

"This is all a matter of religious values embedded in the fourth amendment to the U.S. Constitution," concluded the head of "Owning Guns Is A God-Given Right" association.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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