Where are they now? Izal Toilet Paper
Izal medicated toilet tissue? Don't make me laugh. If you don't remember it, you are lucky. This shiny, waterproof, abrasive product was routinely found in workplaces, hospitals, school toilets and public conveniences, probably intending to discou...
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How to talk shit like a professional
Preface: This is another one of those "Jesus Budda self help advice columns". It's essentially shit. Which is good for the purposes of the article. Learning Materials: A human being with a voice box capable of emitting sounds(most likely yourself), a sarcastic tone, a light bulb (for use in darkened areas in which you need to see the person (s) you are about to talk shit to, a bag of drie...
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Turd Hockey Returns
With the Covid-19 crisis easing, sporting organisations are dusting off their clipboards and reacquainting with their whistles. Players of the game Turd Hockey are no exception. The game, played by about 7 people worldwide, has reached a new high…
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Toilet Paper In Demand Because People Are Shitting Themselves Over Coronavirus
A top consumer analyst has said that the reason behind the perceived madness of panic-buying toilet rolls, is that the Coronavirus and its implications have got people shitting themselves. More than they usually shit, that is. Moys Kenwood, 56,...
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Was Brian Jones really at the bottom of a swimming pool?
Sussex - (Mariane Faithfull Mars Bar Mess): Not really. But police have reopened the file on Rolling Stones wildman Brian Jones' 1969 drowning after an underworld tipoff. The guitarist was originally found bobbing up and down in a pool at Crotchf...
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Manchester United's Harry Maguire Victim Of Anonymous Prank After Someone Shits In His Football Boots
An investigation is underway at Old Trafford this evening, after it was found that Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, had become the unwitting victim of a senseless and evil prank, and that some filthy animal had taken a s...
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Old Man Shit Himself On Bus
"Shit happens" literally as California burglar leaves his DNA in the bog!
Belfast Marathon Sprint Finish Ruined As Runner Slips On Dog Shit
Not Enough Votes for Anti-Turd Bill
Cockney Rhyming Slang Mourns Loss Of Singer Eartha Kitt
Song celebrates streets of San Francisco
Nintendo Announce Dr Kawashima's Potty Training
Mr. MyHat2u goes to the lavatory
Big Turd Spotted In Barmston Drain
Raw Sewage Threat to Booming Dubai
Man Recognizes Turd from Family Reunion
New Improved German Laxative: It's Good Shit
Polly Shits Behind The Door
Police in Yorkshire say they have apprehended a suspect in the case of a mysterious turd that was left behind a door at a local factory. Polly - no second name - was arrested last night after confessing to friends that it had been her who had laid...
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Plumbers Find Turtle Heads Clogging Toilet
Something is really polluting the water in Florida. According to Reefer-Rooter plumbers Harry Curler and Ted Touchingcloth, over 50% of the homes they visit to do some type of work or another, they find turtle heads clogging the toilets.
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Stephen Hawking: Whole Lot of Shit Going Down!
Prominent scientist, Stephen Hawking stated today that both Greenpeace and other environmental groups are fighting a losing battle with nature. "There are about 7 billion people on the earth today. Let's say they have one good crap each day. Now I...
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Scat Fetish Attacks on the Increase
In London, further incidents of Happy Scatting have been reported to the police today by both victims and witnesses of this disturbing new craze.
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Man Shits Himself During World Record Fart Attempt
Mr Arnold Trumper was today being comforted by friends and family after a world record farting attempt ended in disaster. Mr Trumper from Dudley in the West Midlands was yesterday attempting to break the record for the world's longest fart. After...
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Bill Cosby Stool Sample Frowned Upon By Prison Doctor
Bill Cosby, the former comedian who is currently serving a prison sentence for sex offences, is in trouble with the authorities again, after providing a stool sample that was 'less than clean'. Cosby, 81, was required to give the sample in accorda...
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Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
Harry and Meghan post adorable photo of Archie's first POO
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have posted an adorable new photograph of baby Archie Harrison's first POOP today - as Meghan, 37, celebrates her first Mother's Day with her son. The adorable single image shows the newborn's SOILED DIAPER or N...
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Man with world's biggest arsehole shits penguin sized turd
A man from the Netherlands was relieved today after battling for 48 hours to crap out a turd the size of an adult King Penguin. Hans Van Flloyd Hasslebank is renowned throughout Holland for having a back passage big enough to take a Eurostar trai...
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Little Wilmer Loses Dog Diarrhea Record To Poozle, A Female Beagle
BILLINGSGATE POST: You have probably heard the phrase, "faster than pizza going through a dog." Well, students from a high school in Denver, Colorado concocted a science project to find out how fast that was; an experiment where they tracked how lo...
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College Student Takes a Dump and Then Makes His Roommates Look at It
Cockland University. Roy Bunders, 20, took a dump so incredibly big last Thursday that he immediately felt the need to show it to his roommates. "I had just eaten at the cafeteria, and I felt the urgent need to go to the restroom," he said.
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San Francisco Names Ambassador to Autonomous Zone
London Breed, the Mayor of San Francisco, announced today that the city will send an ambassador to CHAZ, the “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone” in Seattle. Breed explained that she and the entire city council greatly admire what had been accomplished in...
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Frozen elephant crap divulges elephant stress levels!
Scientists in India are rapidly discovering why elephants can become stressed by analysing their crap, it seems! Now if one has ever chased elephants on a safari, observed the poor creatures chained to their master's logs, being hunted by poachers...
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Man Charged After Shooting Neighbour's Dog
A man has been sentenced to 240 hours community service by Swindon Magistrates Court for shooting a neighbours dog with a pellet-gun, after it repeatedly "defecated itself inside out" on his lawn. "I was going to clear it up of course, but by the...
Read full storyFunny Poo Headlines
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Boehringee Ingelheim to sue Tako Bell over laxative effect
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Man Has A Shit At Friend's Home - Blocks Toilet
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Scientific Study; Does a bear shit in the woods?
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Cruise Ships Like Hospital According to Passengers
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Man Slips and Falls in Mud; Soils Pants
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Hillary Clinton's Gigantic Shit During Commercial Break Disrupts Debate
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Man Has Made Changes To The Way He Wipes His Arse
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The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis
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Australians To Stop Wiping Their Bottoms
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Man Got Up In Middle Of Night With Bout Of Diarrhoea
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Guinness and Heineken really made from Shit and Piss
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Giant Floating Turds to Blame for Beached Dolphins
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Vegemite Removed From Shelves After Man Complains "It Tastes Like Shite!"
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Comic Books: Literacy for the Illiterate
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Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls
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Ode to the little turd who wouldn't be flushed!
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Inmate Throws "Poop Hammer" At Cell Extraction Team
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California Officials to Blow up Oroville Damn!
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Dogwalker Jailed For Failing To Pick Up Dog Shit
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Brad Pitt Has A Shit
