If Rap Songs Really Told It Like It Is

Funny story written by rfreed

Friday, 4 May 2012

image for If Rap Songs Really Told It Like It Is
Rappin' that crap out!!!!!

They rap on and on, but those 'songs' the rappers spill from their lips and their hips just seem to go in circles that lead nowhere. Isn't it time they finally listened to non-rap brother Aaron Neville and just 'Tell It Like It Is"?

(Rap these refrains to any ol' music that comes into your head.)

I want bling,
bling is everything
I wear bling on my ear
so long as it doesn't make me look queer.
I wear 'em on my hands so
they know that I'm a singer
especially the one they see
when I give 'em the finger.
Someday I suppose
I'll even wear one on my nose.
Every part of my body has bling
even got one on my ding-a-ling
I'll make my livin' as a rap star
who'd ever thought I'd have got this far
I'll do anything to get my bling
the coolest thing is I can't even sing!

I sing my rap
I know its really crap
but its the one kind of work
where you can be a total jerk
Any real stress is done by my agent
I myself don't need any talent.
I sure am glad it pays
It's better than my early days
It is so good I finally got wise
And ain't still out there flippin' french fries.

You know it is all a big joke,
since most who buy rap are the white young folk'
It's all kids from the suburbs
who never knew ghetto curbs.
And the only knives that they know
are those their mommas use on cookie dough.
They pay a lotta bucks for our CD's on the rack
which they think will help to make them black.
They think it really makes them cool
but it really just helps them to be a real fool.
To them the meaning of 'ho'
is what you say to make a horse slow.
I call 'em bitches and I call 'em ho's
which makes 'em mad I do suppose
Maybe that is why I never score
and I'm still a virgin at 24.
I call 'em ho's cause my mom was
and I figure that's all a female does.
That's just fine, just dandy with me
It relieves me of the responsibility
That whenever I'm hangin' with a doll
Of ever bein' more than a Neanderthal.

All through out our history
black folks have been a mystery.
We put up a long and hard fought fight
to get recognition of our civil rights.
And to prove ourselves not an inferior race
we had to put on a more human face
but now with the advent of modern rap
we're gonna fill in the evolutionary gap.
In one generation, in just a blink
we will prove that we're the missing link.
All the progress we've made rap will erase
and ruin the reputation of an entire race.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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