There were 134 spoof news stories published in April 2017. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Ivanka Trump Sex Video Goes Viral
Ivanka Trump is making no apologies for a sex video that has recently gone viral on the internet. "Hey", she protested, "my hubby and I are entitled to a romantic getaway just like any other couple, and daddy happens to have a large number of hote...
Read full storyUSA Workers Declare Next Friday ME-FIRST DAY!
They got the idea for this when they recently saw an airliner get passengers off a plane to make room for airline employees who needed transport to a work destination. "Yes," one employee shouted, continuing, "Up with employees, down with the cus...
Read full storySarah Palin Has Brain Reduction Surgery
Being well endowed seems to be a central part of Sarah Palin's image and persona, so many people were surprised when it was announced that she had undergone brain reduction surgery last week. The former Alaska governor had suffered for years with...
Read full storyGiant iceberg off Newfoundland purchased by Scottish whisky giant!
A giant iceberg visiting the southern shore highway off the coast of Newfoundland has been causing great interest and tourists are flocking to the peninsula for a snapshot of the giant. The iceberg, nicknamed, "Titanic" has also caused major inter...
Read full storyHandicapped Man Constantly Mistaken For Teen With Saggy Pants
Dustin Papst of Opa-Loka, Florida, just wants to be treated like anyone else. He says he is constantly given favorable treatment by strangers because of his disability, which he feels is not a disability at all. "I don't even like to talk about it...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly Has Neck Surgery While on "Vacation"
Bill O'Reilly has quickly realized he can't control the unflattering pictures of him the media have published alongside stories of his alleged sexual harassment of colleagues. So, he decided to do the one thing he could do to improve his appearance:...
Read full storySlimmed Down Mama "The Hut" June Donates Extra Chins To Chinese
Looking unrecognizable after weight loss and cosmetic surgery, Mama June has become a hero to an unfortunate few in China after she donated her excess chins for transplant surgeries. The extra skin stayed in China after June's surgery, now Chines...
Read full storyObama And Trump Face Off In Not So Epic Lightsaber Battle
Barrack Obama was knighted by the Jedi council and was enlisted in the fight against Donald Trump. Barrack Obama then proved his mettle by besting President Donald Trump in a mere two minute lightsaber fight. Master Yoda explained the council's de...
Read full storyGov. Bourbon Signs Conceal Carry Law That Allows Children to Carry Without a Permit as Long as They Have a Valid Kindergarten ID Card
BISMARCK, ND--The state legislature of North Dakota today signed into a law a Conceal Carry bill that would allow children to carry a firearm as long as they possessed a valid kindergarten ID card. Gov. Doug Bourbon, eating lunch at his favorite b...
Read full storyBrit fatties overtake German fatties as Nr 2 behind global leaders, US fatties!
Once upon a time German male holidaymakers took the biscuit in showing off their mega-beer-bellied, sausage gorging fatties proudly patrolling the beaches, swimming pools and other near naked holiday places. It seems that ranking has now been take...
Read full storyWhite Police Officer Almost Doesn't Shoot Handcuffed Unarmed Black Man
A Georgia state law enforcement officer was commended for following procedure during a routine traffic stop that nearly turned tragic earlier this week. Deputy Jason Hancock continued police department tradition of shooting unarmed black men, but...
Read full storyCongress Passes Fetal Gun Rights Bill
Amid much controversy the Fetal Universal Gun and Ammo Rights bill (FUGAR) squeaked through the house and is now on it's way to the US Senate. Congressman Evan Jenkins of West Virginia (R-NRA-DNA) touted the bill as a win/win after the historic co...
Read full story"Shark Boy" Baby Rescued And Returned To Shore By Great White
In a made for the movies story, a little boy presumed lost at sea was rescued and deposited on a Monterey beach by a great white shark. Two year old Dahl Kirsch and twelve others were swept off the Presidio Ferry near Oakland, CA, when it was hit...
Read full storyUS state of Ohio drop driving age to 8!
After long consideration and acknowledgement that kids aint kids like they used to be, the US state of Ohio have decided to drop the age of driving to 8! The first boy to take advantage of the new law was an 8 year-old who after feeling pangs of h...
Read full storyGibraltar monkeys refuse to leave rock after Brexit shock!
Monkeys inhabiting the Rock of Gibraltar have come out in solidarity with non-Brexiters by refusing to leave their warm, Mediterranean adopted homeland after Brexit is completed in 2019! They are refusing to leave Europe and certainly do not want to...
Read full storyDentists admit all toothpastes are the same product
The National Dental Association have revealed that all toothpastes are exactly the same paste, just sometimes coloured differently. In a series of revelations, Dentists have said the best advice for having visually clean teeth is not using so call...
Read full storyRise in Spontaneous Human Combustion Fueled by Trump Election
An alarming increase in cases of spontaneous human combustion (SHC) among Americans is reportedly due in large part to anger from the election of Donald Trump and a Republican led Congress. That's according to an explosive study from More On, a Calif...
Read full storyOfficials Speculate on Trump's Refusal to Throw Out the First Pitch of Baseball Season
Washington, DC Many Presidents of the United States felt that throwing out the first ball of the baseball season was one of the highlights of being President. But this was not the case with President Trump, as he refused to throw out the first pit...
Read full storyMexican Gay goes on first date
Just before the holidays, a Mexican Gay named Taco called off a modeling shoot to announce to CBS news that he went on her first date with the man of his dreams. Taco spend a weekend in Las Vegas with football player John Homes who's a tight end f...
Read full storyAirlines Update Choke-hold Policy
Reeling from the recent public relations nightmare faced by United Airlines, the airline industry has publicly touted the update of choke-hold policies as making the skies even friendlier. Linda Hutton of Greeley, Colorado, found out about the ne...
Read full storySatan Shows Up on Wall Street on the Floor of the New York Stock Exchange
New York, NY The Times Financial Editor wrote that he had been observing on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, when he was surprised the see the Prince of Darkness, Satan himself, on the floor making a number of trades. Although most of th...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Likes Older Women
Twilight luminary Robert Pattinson is very rich. He is very rich because he has earned a lot of money. He has earned a lot of money because he has acted in fillums about sexy star-crossed teen vampires which offer those who don't want to use their im...
Read full storyShares in prison company continue to rise
If you're looking for a good stock to invest in, you could do a lot worse than Alabama State Penitentiary Conglomerates. Since they have expanded their operations beyond their eponymous state, they have seen profits rise by 400% and their workforce i...
Read full storyJudges Block Trump's Cinco de Mayo Ban
President Trump's attempt to ban Cinco de Mayo backfired after three separate circuit courts blocked his executive order: Now this year's celebrations promise to be even bigger in defiance of President Trump. After being rebuked by the courts, Tru...
Read full storyUS Industries to Take Over EPA
Now that a dozen or more large US corporations will operate the newly privatized EPA, the future of US industry looks a lot brighter--even as the skies darken from the increased pollution. Scott Pruitt, token head of the EPA, and Monsaton CEO, Nic...
Read full storyDiscount Airline Companies Proliferate
As airline customers around the world rail against lowered standards in the airline industry, it seems we only have ourselves to blame for the mess we're in: Consumers continue to flock to discount airlines that only add to their discontent with the...
Read full storyKen Loach to direct Star Wars film
We just heard that the next Star Wars film will be directed by Ken Loach. We managed to get hold of a sneak peak of 'Star Wars; It's grim on Tatooine'. In a darkened room, the door slides open, making a shushing sound. A hooded figure walks in, his head stooped and sighs. From another room a female voice is heard. "Is that thee our Jeff?" "Aye mother." "Tha't late again; bend ovver t'...
Read full storyHillary Clinton has begun to urinate in public
Little Rocks, Arkansas - Joggers along the Arkansas River Trail have called our news room after many observed Hillary crawling on the trail, stopping frequently to urinate. "It was totally disgusting", reported Mr. Edophilepay, when he phoned in...
Read full storyCubs Forced Out of Wrigley Field Just After Opening Day
In a stunning announcement it has been learned the Chicago Cubs will have to vacate Wrigley Field immediately and will not be able to return to the field for any future home games. Apparently the Cubs owner, Thomas S. Ricketts was not aware of a cla...
Read full storyMonkeys are to be employed as parental guidance officers in India!
The Indian government have decided to introduce new legislation pertaining to bringing up children by employing monkeys in nurseries, nationwide. After discovering a young girl who was raised by primates in the Uttar Pradesh jungle, a la Mowgli wi...
Read full storyWorld Gravity Shortage Drives Demand for Spacesuits
New York … The Earth is running out of gravity, according to an ongoing study by the US Environmental Protection Agency. The researchers found that a lack of the attractive force was directly responsible for the over 60,000 disappearances last year,...
Read full storyTrump Dictatorship Declaration Delayed by Traffic Court Judge in New Mexico
West Cimmaron Bend, N.M. - A traffic court judge in the small remote town of West Cimmaron Bend, New Mexico has placed Donald Trump's Declaration that he is the Supreme Ruler of the United States in limbo, issuing a ruling that the Executive Order b...
Read full storyPopulation unpopular with Targette
Minneapolis, Minnesota ---- As part of its "population control program," discount retailer Targette, which has already equipped its stores with transgender bathrooms, "because," as the company's CEO, Brian C. "Big Bri" Cornhole, explained to star rep...
Read full storyBig Bang Theory Will Kill Off Entire Cast and Start Over in Season Ten
Hollywood, CA In a shocking TV show announcement, CBS's #1 comedy, The Big Bang Theory will have its whole cast die at the end of Season 9, and Season 10 will introduce a whole new group of nerds. "The last show will have Sheldon assuring the whol...
Read full storyReverse Autism Shaming--How Barron Trump Landed a White House Job
Forget the power struggle between Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner. Even Ivanka Trump has little sway with her dad, the POTUS. Those in the know say eleven year old Barron Trump is the real juice behind the throne in the Trump White House. David Cor...
Read full storyTerror at Mickey-D's
A Mickey-D's customer was betrayed by employees who ID'd him and made him wait a little extra time for his order so the food patrol could come and deny him his last meal. He didn't have it his way at Mickey-D's. Jackson went through the so calle...
Read full story"Sudden Death Nursing Home" Opens in Tampa
Tampa, Fl - "Sudden Death Nursing Home" opened today and is admitting new residents. The owner is very excited to promote the first known sports-themed nursing home. Owner Mort Fast tweeted, "We love our new name, not Sunset or October. For...
Read full storyTrail Blazers to Face Central PA Elite 14U in First Round of Consolation Bracket
After a devastating 4-0 Series loss against the Golden State Warriors, the Portland Trail Blazers have shifted focus to their next opponent, the Central PA Elite 14U AAU team. We caught up with Central PA Elite's head coach Mark Hofsass. "I'm fee...
Read full storyRussian embassy robo response brings out additional button options
As reported earlier today by Zero Hedge, in tribute to April 1 and the joke's on you, a new automatic answering service to Russian embassy services offers the following options: "You have reached the Russian embassy, your call is very important t...
Read full storyTrumps "Peace Through War" Policy Wins Nobel War Prize
OSLO. In a surprise press conference in Oslo on April 7, the Nobel War Prize Committee unexpectedly announced that the award for 2017 would not be made in October, as it usually is. Instead, the Committee has unanimously decided that the award should...
Read full storyJulius Caesar's "Shakespeare"
The stage ride from Verona to Venice was slow, dusty, bumpy and tiring, especially for the young, attractive and very pregnant U. of Verona co-ed, Sophia. Her attempts to sleep were frustrated by the ham actor who boarded the stage at some obscure stop and proceeded to regale, he thought, his fellow passengers with soliloquies from epic plays. For nearly sixty minutes, non-stop, he blustered up an...
Read full storyLatest list of celebs, politicians and VIP's who must eat their words in public!
John Cleese swore he would never work for the BEEB again in public and has now accepted a job playing the role of A Fish called Wanda in a new BBC sitcom called "In a Python's Belly!" Like many other public figures before him, Cleese, has joined a...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un invites Noel Coward to inspect his rockets with an army of Mad Dogs and Englishmen!
Feebly attempting to shock the world into believing he inherited Saddam's infamous "Weapons of mass destruction" North Korea Nutter, Kim-Jong Un, invited star English eccentric genius, Noel Coward, along with his army of 'Mad Dogs and Englishmen' to...
Read full storyBad Boys of Politics Release Musical Album
Shocking and awing both political and musical worlds, Kim Jong Un, Boris Johnson, Geert Wilders, and Donald Trump have joined forces to sing songs of love and paeans to their political ideologies. Calling themselves the Bad Hair Boys because Insan...
Read full storyKFC isn't as FLG as it used to be (and ought to be)
DOGPATCH, KY ---- Kentucky Fried Chicken, more commonly known by the initials FLG (for "finger-lickin' good") claims to be a restaurant that "happens to sell fast food," rather than a fast-food franchise. With nearly 20,000 locations, there's probably one near you unless you live in a country other than the United States, although there are one or two FLGs in such third-world hellholes as the Unit...
Read full storyAirlines to play musical chairs
Chicago - Unasty Airline CEO Phat N. Gooney announced to a crowded funeral gathering today that the airline is instituting a "Friendly Sky" way of dealing with overbookings. Instead of knocking out customers, then dragging them down the isle, set...
Read full storyJetset turkey refuses to wear seatbelt during US inland flight!
A turkey that was flown by its owner on an inland US flight has broken the seatbelt law and now will face a financial penalty and eventual life-long ban flying (Can they fly?). The turkey was allocated a window seat but, during the flight, refused to...
Read full storyTrump Has Scientist Waterboarded Until He Says That Global Warming Isn't Real
Science Town, U.S.A. Just as Trump was ready to announce a press conference stating that he had proof that global warming wasn't true, the BBC released a beguiling story. "It seems that Trump kidnapped three of the world's top climatologists and t...
Read full storyTrump planning "Trail of Tears Like None Other"
After admiring the portrait of the 7th president, Andrew Jackson, that he recently installed in the oval office, Donald Trump proceeded to outline plans on getting rid of illegal aliens by a humiliating and heartbreaking redux of Jacksons "Trail of T...
Read full storyFor pro golfer Bob Twat, being cute and inspirational may have to be enough
DULUTH, GA ---- Bob Twat bogeyed two of the last three holes during his play at Friday's PGA Tour Champions' Mitsubishi Electric Classic. "It's disappointing that I actually hit two nice shots on 7 and 9," he said. "Otherwise, I'd be even further...
Read full storyUK Prison pigeons trained to attack drones!
A new combat force of highly trained prison pigeons is to be released around the walls of all UK prisons to combat illegal drones penetrating security because "pigs cannot fly" and prison officers neither! The Pigeon force will attack drones buzzi...
Read full storyPeyton Manning caught in the act
Peyton Manning walked into the bar I was at and took a seat on the stool right next to me. I must admit I was a little bit nervous having a famous athlete sitting so close. Minding my own business and trying not to act like a gushing fan, all of...
Read full storyMountain Dew: "it'll tickle yore innards"
LANSING, MI --- Most of us have drunk a bottle or two of Mountain Dew. As we sipped the frosty green beverage, we probably never worried about it. After 7,200 gallons of the drink's concentrated syrup flooded the internal sewers of a Pepsico bottling...
Read full storyBill Cosby is New Head of the Celebrity Career Killers Club
Hollywood, CA The head of the secret Celebrity Career Killers Club, Michael Richards, announced that Bill Cosby had been voted the latest head. The Celebrity Career Killer Club is reserved for celebrities who have successfully killed otherwise thr...
Read full storyTrump's Plans for North Korea Revealed in Shocking Press Release
Earlier this week, president Donald Trump, in a press release, stated his full plans for North Korea: "mega bigly annihilation." The president at about 8:00 AM stated that the North Koreans "need to be stopped," and clearly stated his strong opini...
Read full storyHas "The Simpletons" Lost Its Way? D'oh!
HOLLYWEIRD, CA ---- The Simpletons is an animated situation comedy created by Matt Groaning for the Crazy-Like-a-Fox Broadcasting Company. The supposedly satirical series focuses on the Simpleton family, Homo, Barge, Barf, Pizza, and Maggot, who live in Stinkfield. Supposedly, the show parodies American culture, the middle class, suburbia, society, television, radio, democracy, capitalism, the...
Read full storyPlastic eating caterpillars replace garbage men!
Scientists have discovered a way to remove all plastic and other garbage from the face of the planet by unleashing a "plastic gorging caterpillar" to do the filthy jobs refuse companies and governments have failed miserably to do. Instead of the g...
Read full storyPollsters Predict Catastrophic UK General Election Defeat For Conservatives
UK polling organisations have today published their predictions for the June 8th UK General Election. They forecast unanimously that the Conservatives will suffer a crushing defeat, losing their majority in parliament. The pollsters have furthe...
Read full story"Out of Office Assistant" Turns on its Employee
Fort Lee, NJ - Kevin Santorelli had no idea he would be fired until the day he returned to work after being on family medical leave. While taking care of his mother, and attending church each day, he turned on his "out of office assistant" email fea...
Read full storyDutch druggist chain, Kruidfart, adopt Adolf Hitler as their new logo!
"Any advertising is good advertising even if it stinks!" Claim Dutch druggist chain, Kruidfart (name changed for legal implications and fear of being gassed), as they implement the infamous saying of Benetton who depicted a blood-smothered newborn ba...
Read full storyAirb&b apartments ideal for a "quickie" claim Ladies of the night!
Global prostitutes who have no desire to work in organised brothels are turning to Internet giant, Airb&b (name changed for legal implications), for offering their clients a cheap "quickie" without strings attached, only tangas if required! La...
Read full storyChinese police crack sperm smuggling ring
Police in China have seized three gallons of sperm in an operation to stop a gang of smugglers. It is the largest ever haul of the expensive fluid, and will surely not be the last in a bizarre underworld industry which is currently booming. Sperm...
Read full storyDACA 'Dreamer' Sues Following Deportation
A young foreign spy who goes by the code name "Dreamer" was deported to Mexico earlier this year after refusing to give federal authorities the true name of his country of origin. He claims he had protected DACA status and has filed a suit against im...
Read full storyNBC launches NSFW News
Rock-and-Roll Center, The Big Apple, Baby ---- Due to a variety of factors, including the Internet and a lack of public trust in the media, television news ratings have plummeted in recent years. "I don't want non their fake news," couch potato Im...
Read full storyScientists Are Quitting Like Crazy
Science Town, US "Why are so many scientists quitting the Science profession and going elsewhere for their occupations?" asked a local TV news reporter. "Well, we figure with Trump in office there aren't going to be a lot of research grants unles...
Read full storyBill Cosby Comes Up With New Trial Demands
Somewhere in Pennsylvania After getting the judge to agree to many of his demands-including moving the trial to a rural area, not allowing 49 of his rape accusers to testify, and prescreening the potential jurors for racial bias, Cosby had a few more...
Read full storyNorth Korea and China Team Up to Hoodwink Trump
Beijing, China Sources have revealed that, minutes after President Trump had finished pledging $4 billion dollars to help China fight North Korea and flew off in his jet, China's premier called Kim Jong-Un, dictator of North Korea. (Translated fro...
Read full storyUnited Airlines CEO vows "never again"
THUG CITY, IL ---- Following what he described as a "thorough review" of his flight crew's use of police to drag Kentucky medical doctor David Tao off an "overbooked" flight to prevent him from tending to his patients the next morning (and to replace...
Read full storyTrump Strikes Historic Trade Agreement: U.S. Will Ship Our Unemployed Workers to China
Washington D.C. (New York Times) In what is being called an unprecedented trade agreement, U.S. president Donald Trump has struck a deal with China in which the U.S. will ship unemployed U.S. workers to China in exchange for trademarks being grante...
Read full storyMan Swallowed By Snake: Pet Gerbil Unable To Save Him
BILLINGSGATE POST: A heartbreaking story from Sulawesi, Indonesia. According to local news reports, the body found inside a 23-foot python turned out to be a 23-year-old man named Akbar who had been reported missing by his wife. Authorities there...
Read full storySloppy Sally responds to readers' questions
Q. Whatever happened to hatpins and pocket pistols? In days past, pussy-pinchers could expect to be pinned to death or given a lethal dose of 'lead poisoning' for the act our President describes so cavalierly. How would we men feel about Nut Grabbing? - Den from Colorado A. Dear Den: Personally, I am opposed to Nut-Grabbing (I believe that it is meant to be hyphenated). Many st...
Read full storyTrump's Fired National Security Adviser General Flynn Says He'll Sing in Exchange for Immunity
Washington, DC The National Security Adviser, General Michael Flynn, who resigned/got fired for offenses including talking to the Russians and for secretly telling his friends that Ivanka's fashion line was put together in sweat shops in Shanghai.
Read full storyBoy Raised by Wolves Returns to Forest
The amazing story of Chad Farelli, the boy raised by wolves in Arizona, took yet another twist when he left his adoptive home in Alamogordo, NM, and went back to live in the wild. As a search was launched, biologist Dr. Fawn Malo expressed concern...
Read full storyHollyweird's Hottest: Chelsea Handler
Aging comedienne Chelsea ("Man") Handler was born to the lovely Rita, meter maid, and Seymour, a used car salesman, while they were living in sin in Livingston, New Joisey. As a child, Handler says she felt like an "impostor." All her high school friends drove a Porsche or a Lamborghini, but she "went to school in a BMW." Her father was a Jew, her mother a Mormon, so, naturally, Handler was rai...
Read full storyRussians remember Ronald Reagan
In the Arctic Circle, the Russians are celebrating Ronald Reagan's legacy as actor and comedian with a new military base, a development that's in part possible because of Regan's contributions to perestroika, a precursor to capitalism. The new Ar...
Read full storyHillary Clinton declared President of the dead
Hell, 66th level down - A spokesman for Mr. Beezle Bub announced today at a crowded press briefing that Hillary Clinton is the official President of the Dead. Ms Clinton garnered the vast majority of the votes cast by dead voters. The plurality o...
Read full storyIndia declares the River Ganges is now a person!
The Indian government have introduced new legislation pertaining to their natural resources and now claim they are "people!" The polluted, River Ganges, is the first one to undergo a transgender operation and government officials have been down to...
Read full storyNorth Korea threatens to nuke Australia
Chubby despot Kim Jong Un has threatened to fire nuclear weapons at Australia, after the Aussie Prime Minister said he would "stand by the US like a mate at a barbie". The North Korean leader may not have missiles that can reach the US, but Australia...
Read full story"Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian
A leading amateur historian has astonished the world of amateur history by claiming that Jesus of Nazareth and his Disciples were Scottish, writes Religion Correspondent, Mary Mag Delaney. Jock McSporran of Lossiemouth, for it is he, made the asto...
Read full storyArsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?
A sad, humble bunch of spineless, blank-firing Gunners led by their French fumbling manager got blown away yesterday by a flock of ravaging Eagles at the Palace last night! Now normally managers would concede honorably to such a defeat but, Messr...
Read full storySatan Issues Report Card of World Leaders
[Associated Press, Washington, D.C. The reclusive being popularly know as Satan, a/k/a Lucifer, Shaitan, etc., etc., gave a rare interview today in which he scored various of the world's leaders.] AP: Mr. Satan, thank . . . SAT: Just "Satan," will do. AP: Well, thank you, Satan, for making time to speak with us. Tell us about your recent report in which you scored some of the world's lead...
Read full storyEagleCam Temporarily Shut Down After Teen Eagle Seen Masturbating
Minneapolis, MN: The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources' "DNR EagleCam Live Stream" was temporarily shut down last night after the video stream showed a male teenage Bald Eagle masturbating. The DNR has been inundated with telephone calls and...
Read full storyAmerican man gets tricked by spies
An American man canceled all of his dates through next month due to upset stomach and the trots that forced him to take a rest, it was announced on Monday. He became sickly after eating a salted fugu fish at an Asian restaurant run by foreign spie...
Read full storyAG Sessions Risks Awakening Stoner Vote
In an attempt to thwart the Republican Reeperbahn in next years elections, liberal activists and Democrats are using the fear of regressive marijuana policies to recruit pot smokers who wouldn't vote otherwise. Portia Nicolya of Rationalize US Mar...
Read full storySpoofomaniac
I've always drunk water EVER so cold And have done since I was 15 months old Afore that, kind Sirs, I'm bound to admit I was keen for a suck of me dear old mam's tit And sometimes, still am. Oh, please, Sirs, I beg you! Don't scold me! Don't chide! From your derision, 'tis true, I have nowhere to hide Don't hate me! Don't slate me! It's a lie! I'm not cheap! (Though it's true I once had...
Read full storyPay and display on M60
A pay and display scheme is to be introduced on the M60, a spokesman said today. "If people are going to spend hours and hours sitting in their stationary cars on prime Manc real estate, it seems obvious to me that they should pay for it." Said 'H...
Read full storyEbdon breaks four minute barrier
The snooker world was rocked today when Peter Ebdon played a shot in under four minutes. It happened at the Heapey Open Snooker Championship. I caught up with him as he walked back to his dressing room, being very careful not to step in the trail...
Read full storyMan buried in EU butter mountain had to eat his way out
Trucker Geoff Road, 47, thought he was a goner when his lorry crashed on a steep slope in southern France. He was transporting part of the EU butter mountain to the Mediterranean to be poured into the sea, when he crashed into a flour truck coming th...
Read full storyWonder drug for dementia comes too late for Jaggedone!
UK scientists have discovered a wonder drug for neurodegenerative brain diseases, including dementia. "Sorry, what's my name?" This drug will give hope to millions of people who tend to forget many things including Jaggedone of Spoof fame. "...
Read full storyArkansas, in a Bid Get into the Guinness Book of World Records, to Execute 8 Men over 10 Days
Little Rock, AR--Besides being known for its high incidence of early death, infant mortality, cardiovascular disease, and obesity, Arkansas may soon break a new record, and possibly get into the 2018 Guinness Book of World Records in the attempt.
Read full storyCanada Wants to Join the European Union
Ottawa, Canada Canadian officials today confirmed that they are reaching out to the European Union in an effort to join. "We think there is probably a big vacancy in the EU what with Brexit and all, aye!" spoke a Canadian official. "Aye, and w...
Read full storyPresident Trump Believed U.S. Was Launching Senator Ted Cruz Into Syria
Washington, D.C. - According to leaked information from an anonymous source inside the White House, President Donald Trump approved yesterday's Tomahawk cruise missile strike against a Syrian airfield because Trump thought the U.S. would be launching...
Read full storyNigerian traffic cops corps searching for bald female recruits!
Long-haired Nigerian females need not apply for jobs in the Traffic Cops Corps, but it seems that the organisation is having desperate problems finding bald female recruits! After a public display of cutting off female dreadlocks, a senior male of...
Read full storyCartouche
Cartouche, ancient Egyptian for "cartoon," is an oval comic strip panel that came into use during ancient Egypt's Fourth Dynasty, under the rule of Pharaoh Sneferu. Most cartouches are displayed horizontally on the stone tablets in which they were engraved. (Paper, other than papyrus, did not exist at the time, because ancient Egyptians were a "primitive society" without sophisticated technolog...
Read full storyItalian trains loaded with rubbish are welcome in Austria!
Italy has a huge waste problem, Austria have none due to the fact Austrians care for their country, Italians generally do not! Many Italians believe once they open plastic packaging and devour the contents, it is then that their responsibility ends,...
Read full storyTrump's Advisory Panel On The Wall
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced the creation of a panel of experts to advise the President on construction of his wall on the southern border of the U.S. "The President is very pleased to announce that the panel will include Publiu...
Read full storyJared Kushner named Secretary of Everything
After almost every other staff member of President Trump's (brief pause to vomit) administration has either royally screwed up or committed outright treason, The Donald's son-in-law has been announced as "Secretary of Everything". "We trust Jare...
Read full storyBicette strike multi-billion deal in China after beards are banned!
The Chinese government has banned men wearing beards in the province of Xinjiang! Also, women wearing veils have been banned too, and the streets are looking pretty empty! However, detecting a superb possibility to expand their global operations,...
Read full storyДорогой Хиллари (Dear Hillary)
Please excuse my bad English. You most probably are wondering why I am writing to you, after what happened. What I did. Is very hard for man like me to admit, but I made mistake. How you say in American, "Vlad backed wrong horse." Or maybe even better, "Vlad have buyer's regret." Would much rather have you in White House than unpredictable red head. You at least are predictable. But I...
Read full storyRachel Maddow: The Secrets of Her Success
NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK ---- Rachel "Meow" Maddow says her qualifications as the hostess of MSNBC's The Rachel "Meow" Maddow Show are her "lesbianism and her liberalism, in that order." A graduate of the University of Oxford (Mississippi), she boasts of her doctorate in politics and says she agrees with almost everything in "the Eisenhower-era Republican platform." When he heard of her statement,...
Read full storyNeighbors Get Restraining Order To Stop Woman From Eating Beans
A family in Higginsbern have successfully obtained a restraining order that prevents their neighbor from eating beans. Inger Clifton said she and her family had complained about a gas smell since moving in to the apartment above Flo Pyroclastopis'...
Read full story