Washington D.C. (New York Times) In what is being called an unprecedented trade agreement, U.S. president Donald Trump has struck a deal with China in which the U.S. will ship unemployed U.S. workers to China in exchange for trademarks being granted to businesses associated with the Trump empire.
Trump's affinity for China has been steadily increasing ever since he heard that China "Has a really great strong wall."
White House press secretary Sean Spicer announced the deal during a press conference yesterday. Spicer described the deal as a win-win of very very tremendous value to the United States. Said Spicer, "With a single trade agreement, President Trump has assured a decrease in the U.S. unemployment rate and increased profits for companies bearing his name but which he of course has absolutely no association or financial interest."
The room immediately erupted into loud disarray as Spicer was peppered with questions about how many U.S. workers would be traded to China, how would they be selected, and whether they would ever be allowed to return to the U.S. Spicer's only response to any question about the workers was "We're going to figure that out. I think we may take busses to unemployment parties and pick out the people who look like Democrats."
President Trump has repeatedly asserted that while he has completely removed himself from any control of his businesses, even if he hadn't it doesn't matter because a president can't have a conflict of interest. Trump said "It's against the law to say a president has a conflict of interest. As president, I can't have a conflict of interest because I'm the president. Anyone who doesn't understand that is a weak moron under the influence of the fake media." Trump has also been quoted as saying that he will never use his power as the President of the United States for personal gain, or for that of his family, except if it's a really really huge amazing deal.
Reporters asked Spicer about the fact that China also granted trademarks to Trump's daughter, Ivanka, for her line of clothing and fashion accessories for women. The clothing and accessories are sold under the brand name "Ivanka Trump." Spicer responded by saying that even though Ivanka Trump still owns her clothing business, and is involved in day to day decisions, and personally spoke with the president of China, Xi Jinping, the day before her company was granted the trademarks, she no longer has any association with her business, isn't involved in day to day decision making, and hasn't met the president of China.
Spicer finished the briefing by saying, "You want to know who didn't divest from his businesses? Hitler. He had controlling interests in a ball bearing factory, a company that made huge flags, and a company that made poison gas. Did the Nazi media get their panties all in a bundle about all of that? No, no they didn't."