Handicapped Man Constantly Mistaken For Teen With Saggy Pants

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Friday, 28 April 2017

image for Handicapped Man Constantly Mistaken For Teen With Saggy Pants
Left: Dustin Papst suffers from Puerilis Domesticatus; Right: An artist's sketch shows the typical dysmorphism seen in PD.

Dustin Papst of Opa-Loka, Florida, just wants to be treated like anyone else. He says he is constantly given favorable treatment by strangers because of his disability, which he feels is not a disability at all.

"I don't even like to talk about it, or even name it, because I live a normal life like everyone else, I really don't want any special treatment."

Papst is probably suffering from what is popularly called Homeboy's Disease or sometimes Hito Syndrome, because it's victims look like young men with sagging jeans. The scientific name for the recessive and ancient hereditary disease is Puerilis Domesticatus. First identified by doctors in the days of the Roman Empire, victims of Homeboys Disease typically have very short legs and elongated torsos but are normally proportioned throughout the rest of their bodies.

Now that Opa-Loka, Florida, and surrounding cities have enacted laws against sagging pants, Papst has grown weary of being denied service or being asked to pull up his pants while shopping or dining. He's even been arrested three times after trying to prove to various businesses that he is indeed disabled.

"I have a handicapped ID and a letter from my doctor, people have been OK when I show them that, but the three times when people called the police on me, the cops, they wouldn't listen either and only realized their mistake when they got me to the police station. They still charged me with disturbing the peace one of the times, just for trying to prove I was handicapped. Add to that, my wife and kids are terrified that I'm going to be shot one of these days."

Papst has become a reluctant spokesperson for PD and says he will continue to educate the public.

"The main thing I can say is don't judge a book by it's cover: just because a guy or gal has jeans sagging to their ankles, don't assume they are gangsta thugs or wannabees; They could be handicapped, you don't know, there are many other ailments in addition to Puerilis Domesticatus that can cause the same look."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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