Ken Loach to direct Star Wars film

Written by Aaron David

Sunday, 16 April 2017

We just heard that the next Star Wars film will be directed by Ken Loach. We managed to get hold of a sneak peak of 'Star Wars; It's grim on Tatooine'.

In a darkened room, the door slides open, making a shushing sound. A hooded figure walks in, his head stooped and sighs. From another room a female voice is heard.

"Is that thee our Jeff?"

"Aye mother."

"Tha't late again; bend ovver t' couch while thi Dad gets 'is shiny, silver belt."

"'As t; 'eard owt of our Judd?"

The woman enters the room, wearing a mini-dress made from aluminium foil. "Aye, I 'ave. E's buggered off to t' dark side."


"Aye; Leeds."

"The fuckin' bastard!"

"An' it were 'im wot killed thy kestrel an' all."


Cut to a scene later in the film. Jeff walks into a hall and the door shushes closed behind him. A cloaked figure appears from the opposite end of the hall.

"We meet at last, Judd Clegghandle!"

"It's Judd Clutterbuck now."


"It's my Sith name."


"Come and join me on the dark side; you get a free weekend in Flamingoland just for signing up."

"NEVER! You killed my kestrel."

"No young Jeff; Peter Kaye killed thi kestrel."


Woo! Lots to look forward to in Star Wars episode... Erm, nineteen is it?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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