Washington, D.C. - According to leaked information from an anonymous source inside the White House, President Donald Trump approved yesterday's Tomahawk cruise missile strike against a Syrian airfield because Trump thought the U.S. would be launching Senator Ted Cruz.
The White House has thus far failed to release a statement regarding the assertion that Trump didn't understand what he was doing when he approved the strike. A White House spokesperson did say, however, that the Trump administration remains dedicated to wiping out what they call "leakers". Many political pundits view this announcement as yet another attempt by the administration to draw attention away from unfavorable media coverage.
Vice President Mike Pence, when asked about the strike, said he was fully in support once he learned that it had occurred from a report he heard on National Public Radio. Pence said that while he himself had never confused a Tomahawk cruise missile with Senator Cruz, he could imagine certain circumstances in which someone might do that. Pence himself tried to buy Tomahawk cruise missiles off E-Bay when he was Governor of Indiana. He had intended to use them against Planned Parenthood facilities.
Senator Ted Cruz could not be reached for comment.