Man buried in EU butter mountain had to eat his way out

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Friday, 28 April 2017

image for Man buried in EU butter mountain had to eat his way out
The EU pays farmers to produce food - otherwise they would have to kill themselves to make ends meet, like British farmers do

Trucker Geoff Road, 47, thought he was a goner when his lorry crashed on a steep slope in southern France. He was transporting part of the EU butter mountain to the Mediterranean to be poured into the sea, when he crashed into a flour truck coming the other way.

Both vehicles spilled their load onto the highway, and Geoff's cab was buried under a huge glob of it. He was unable to open the door, and as soon as he wound down the window, his truck began to fill up with the doughy mixture. The brave driver was unable to close the window again and knew he had to act fast before he was squashed by the burgeoning giant croissant.

Thankfully, being British, he had a taste for bland food, and a high tolerance for swallowing heavy fats. He began to eat his way upwards through the buttery raw pastry mix, pausing occasionally to defecate.

"It was hard work," he said. "I had to eat non-stop for nearly ten hours. I was swimming through the butter like a knife, using my teeth as a fin."

It is estimated that Mr Road ate as much as 10% of the EU's butter mountain in his escape. Bureaucrats from Brussels have contacted him about taking him on as a full time disposal expert. However, he insisted that he would not want to go through the experience again. "It was like my very own personal Brexit," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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