Russian embassy robo response brings out additional button options

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 1 April 2017

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Your own answering machine robo options available at modest cost

As reported earlier today by Zero Hedge, in tribute to April 1 and the joke's on you, a new automatic answering service to Russian embassy services offers the following options:

"You have reached the Russian embassy, your call is very important to us.

*To arrange a call from a Russian diplomat to your political opponent, press 1.

*To use the services of Russian hackers, press 2.

*To request election interference, press 3 and wait until the next election campaign. Please note that all calls are recorded for quality improvement and training purposes."

In the new hysteria attending today's news and "Russia-gate," this satirical parody of an answering service has led Twitter to additional options:

"For a complete run-down on all the evidence against Russia in the Trump election case, press 4. Be prepared to wait. Delays can be lengthy."

"For guidance to an intelligence agency that will automatically find Russia guilty on any accusation, press 5."

"For a general survey on how to create global mayhem while blaming other countries and insisting all action is self-defense, push 6."

"For your very own dossier on how to defile a hotel using prostitutes, press 7."

"For a one time only golden showers reception offer, press 8."

"Please note: not only is your call monitored, it will be pursued by our intelligence agencies into every nook and cranny of your personal life."

Mr. Putin is reported having spent long midnight hours in coming up with this parody of alternatives for the new answering system at all Russian embassies worldwide.

He was reported smoking various kinds of substances during this work session, and at times cackling maniacally.

US intelligence is taking this new development very seriously, according to the NY Times and The Washington Post, but also in utter calm.

Mr. Comey has said gravely:

"Frankly, we're not surprised. These options on their answering system are entirely consistent and plausible based on what we know the Russians are capable of."

Senators McCain and Graham are in transit to Ukraine where they plan to use the latest evidence of these robo answering machine disclosures to inspire Kiev on further action against Donbass and colleagues.

Hillary Clinton is reported ready to travel with the senators, bearing a petition from her supporters demanding Russia hand back Crimea to Kiev.

The petition is reported to have at least 100 signatures of highly important members of the Democratic Party and The Washington Establishment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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