Shares in prison company continue to rise

Saturday, 29 April 2017

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This high security facility has all the amenities of a modern office including a hotbox, titanium windows and a panic room

If you're looking for a good stock to invest in, you could do a lot worse than Alabama State Penitentiary Conglomerates. Since they have expanded their operations beyond their eponymous state, they have seen profits rise by 400% and their workforce is now in the thousands.

In the US, prisoners are allowed to work for a small wage below what would be legal outside. It's not about sewing mail bags any more - they do a diverse variety of jobs from IT support to small scale manufacturing and auto repair. ASPC have a committed workforce - literally - and have harsh incentives to work hard. Just this week three underperforming employees in Arkansas were refused a stay of execution.

One of the secrets of their success is that they cooperate with local police forces to target potential recruits. Skilled people who have a minor criminal record - even traffic offences - are being head-hunted by the prisons.

The good news is that they may soon be expanding into the UK. The British government have agreed that they would like to begin the privatisation of prisons, and ASPC is one of the likely bidders. So buy your shares now.

One person who won't be so happy with the success of the company is founder and former CEO Steve Twatt. After being found guilty of tax fraud and embezzlement, he is now incarcerated in one of his own jails. He still works for the company, but as a professional slopper-outer. Careful you don't drop the soap, Steve!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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