Ebdon breaks four minute barrier

Written by Aaron David

Monday, 24 April 2017

image for Ebdon breaks four minute barrier
I'm gonna be snookering you tonight.

The snooker world was rocked today when Peter Ebdon played a shot in under four minutes. It happened at the Heapey Open Snooker Championship.

I caught up with him as he walked back to his dressing room, being very careful not to step in the trail of silver slime he leaves behind.

I began by asking how it felt to have achieved his first sub-four minute shot.

Looking quite flushed, he said, "It hasn't quite sunk in yet. I honestly wouldn't have believed it possible. There were reds all over the table in potable positions, so I rolled the white up behind the green, if you'll excuse the pun."

Peter, best known for his light bulb shaped head, then punched the air and yelled "YESSS!" unnecessarily.

Known to many as "the least entertaining player in the world," I questioned Ebdon on his thoughts as to how this reputation may have come about.

"Well, soon after turning pro, I realised I couldn't pot a frigging ball, so I adopted the 'strategic method'; boring my opponents into submission and refusing pots Stevie Wonder wouldn't find easy. It works for me, but I know it doesn't make me popular."

I concluded the interview by saying "You are the most hated player in the game," to which Peter responded: "Thank you."

Peter is a man with a plan, it seems, and he is winning all the way.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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