Snooki Shows Up Topless To Sign Autographs For Community Service
Quality Entertainment is reporting that a wobbly Snooki, the Jersey Shore star, has showed up to sign autographs for fans for free to serve out part of her sentence for her public intoxication hearing. She signed autographs for three hours as oth...
Read full storyJonas Brothers Celebrate John, Not Ringo!
The Jonas Brothers decided to use YouTube to celebrate and remember the late John Lennon on Lennon's 70th birthday. "Wow. If he were here today he'd look funny", stated Nick Jonas. "I mean, look at all those old farts. I guess Ono would have him a...
Read full storyO'Donnell, Coons Exchange Lists of "Do Not Use" Words
Rather than have tonight's debate between Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell and Democrat Chris Coons deteriorate into back-and-forth name calling, the two candidates have exchanged lists of names to avoid. "The idea came up last night at my...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston & John Mayer Have Another Quickie
It seems that wherever one of these people are performing, the other shows up to "wish them well" and then disappear the next day for their individual careers. "They can't get along with each other for long it seems", claimed a source. "But they s...
Read full storyLast Chilean Miner has to be sent back
As Martin Hernandez Gomez, the last of the Chilean miners to be brought to the surface has been forced back down the rescue hole. Cameras were checked as Gomez came to the surface, and he had left the TV and all the lights on. Gomez had persuad...
Read full storyBravo Chile
How long before one of the miners brought up from the jaws of hell is asked, "Honey, take the garbage to the basement?" Never. From South Africa to Australia to Norway to Japan, the whole world watched and waited wondering if it would work, and...
Read full storyRobert De Niro enters Chilean Mine
Chile, South America: Joyous families greeted the thirty-three men released from a Chilean mine today, but even as they were being freed, the winched cage used to lift them from the darken tomb where they had been trapped for the last two months was...
Read full storyBrett Favre apologizes for inappropriate texts sent to Vikings
MINNEAPOLIS, MN-In a tearful press conference yesterday morning, a contrite Brett Favre apologized for a series of improper text messages sent to Vikings staff informing them that he was in great health and perfectly committed to a playoff run wi...
Read full storyJoran van der Sloot Claims He Should be Rescued Too
Upon getting word while incarnated in a Peruvian prison that one-by-one, the 33 Chilean miners who have been trapped underground since August 5 are now being brought out of the mine, alleged murderer Joran van der Sloot issued a statement through his...
Read full storyEngland set to up the ante following claims of "shit tactics"
He's tried every formation under the Sun. Including those written only in God's dying language, Latin Now Fabio Capello is preparing one last roll of the dice, following his multi-million pound squad's failure to defeat minnows Montenegro. Taking...
Read full storyPopeye lodges claim against supermarket
Lawyers for Popeye The Sailorman have commenced legal action against Tesbury's Supermarkets after it was claimed that their client had suffered a defamation of character when confronted by a display of one of Tesbury's "own brand" products. "I was...
Read full storyTheatre Wall Collapses During Brecht Play
Berlin, Germany: The fourth wall of a Berlin theatre has collapsed during a Brecht play, with many audience members feared injured. At approximately 20:00 local time the fourth wall of the Palais Theatre collapsed dramatically during a performance...
Read full storyBritish Men Unlikely To Embrace Lederhosen Because 'It's All A Bit Gay'
British men over the age of sixteen are expected to openly revolt against an EU directive stipulating that in the interests of European brotherhood, they should demonstrate support for their German counterparts by wearing lederhosen for work and leis...
Read full storyAustralian child carer good to go
A Brisbane child carer, Sheila Box-Jellyfish, who was convicted of assaulting handicapped children in her care, has sensationally won an appeal which allows her to continue working. In separate incidents, she tied one child to a toilet and beat hi...
Read full storyChinese Mother Theresa Arrested
Yue Ying, known as the Mother Theresa of China, was arrested today. Ms Ying is known for her work among the poor in Beijing. According to those acquainted with her, Ms. Ying works tirelessly to feed and clothe the poor, and is one of the most compa...
Read full storyI am the real Laden says Laden- that one is a liar !
I am the real Laden thunder the Laden in a recent video clip sent to this reporter's office a couple of days back. The clipping, the quality of which is not very good shows a middle aged man wearing a heavy turban on his rather thin bony head and wit...
Read full storyThis Laden is not laden, says Laden
The person claiming to be Osama Bin Laden is an imposter according to Mr. Sherbut al Lassi al Osama Bin Laden,who claims to be theoriginal Laden. "This chap is an imposter,no doubt," says Mr. Lassi Laden, "I am descended from the original Arab La...
Read full storyTrapped - the Story of Men Cooped up in a Mine in Chile
Soon to the big screen will be the amazing story of 33 miners who found their true homosexuality trapped together in a mine 700 meters under ground. "It was hard at first to admit to ourselves what we were. It started after a couple of weeks be...
Read full storyBlack Family Found With Father!?
In Gladwin, Michigan, a family of Afro-Americans were found to have a father living inside the house, It is not sure that the father is the biological father, but further tests will be taken. "It is an amazing discovery" says xenobiologist Irma No...
Read full storyThirty-Fourth Miner Holds Out for Book Deal, "Oprah"
As the countdown to the rescue of nearly three dozen Chilean miners trapped deep in a mine for 70 days continued today, an unexpected snag developed with the announcement that Jose Galinas, a previously undisclosed 34th miner, plans to hole up and ho...
Read full storyGolfer Loses Bag; Files Suit Against LGPA Over Missing Putter!
An aspiring female golfer has her panties in an uproar and is suing the LGPA for not letting her try out for the tour all because she dumped her bag & putter! Lana Lawless (sic) (not making this up), a former MALE SWAT team member under went t...
Read full storyTV Lesbians make love in the morgue on licence payers money!
Licence payers were shocked last night as a brand new and very spicy hot series based on a group of Scottish lesbians was shown with them wearing kilts (without panties, cheeky). Snogging, seducing, raunchy love scenes were not the problem and the...
Read full storyWomen's football hits the big time
The Football League have caved in to pressure from feminists and are set to allocate a place in next season's N'power league 2 to a team of all stars from the women's game. The feminists, led by the new darling of the left, Millie Headband, have...
Read full storyGay Village Evicts Hetrosexual Couple
The serenity of the peaceful village of Bottomley was shattered this morning after the residents were forced to evict a heterosexual couple for their unseemly behaviour. Gay man Larry Sabu, 20, who lives next to the local youth club, told us that...
Read full storyRachel Ray To Run For President
Friends of Cooking Network chef, Rachel Ray, have mobilized forming a campaign committee that will begin immediate work on her run for the White House in 2012. Famed as an advocate of fast food cooking, Ms. Ray is also perky, smiles a lot, knows...
Read full storyLocal Man Tries To Lure Athsmatic Wheezing Bastard Out Of Laptop
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock - a dashingly handsome 29 year old billionaire philanthropist who made his fortune out of his pork pie hat empire (not verified - we only have his word for it, and sources say he's a compulsive liar) today revealed to Sk...
Read full storyPorn studios to be closed in L.Angeles, they were all "cumming bareback"!
Wicked Pictures and Vivid Entertainment, both major players in the Californian porn industry have been forced to close their doors because they allowed their actors to "ride bareback"! Bareback riding is allowed in the industry, but unfortunately...
Read full storyKatie Waissel Favourite For aXe-Factor
The X-Factor Madonna wannabe, Katie Waissel, looks like the odds on favourite to get the chop with the axe on the show this weekend, according to bookmaker Alfie Shirtlifter. Alfie has slashed the odds on Katie getting the kaibosh to 6-4 on after...
Read full storyBrett Favre comin' at ya! - Cranks For The Memory
JOHNSON CITY, NY - Although recent revelations that future retired NFL quarterback Brett Favre sent photos of his necessary privates on several occasions to coyolicious New York Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger during the 2008 season might seem sh...
Read full storyWomen's questions finally answered
A new Men's magazine called Top Hooters has conducted a scientific experiment to find out what men are really thinking when women ask them those typical questions. Titled 'What Planet Are We On,' it tries to address the divide between the male and female way of thinking. Psychologists asked 100 women to write down the questions they ask their men most frequently and under controlled conditions...
Read full storyChilean Miners Told To "Get Back To Work, And Stop Slacking!"
The 33 miners trapped for nine weeks in a mine in Chile, faced cameras for the first time since their rescue yesterday, and revealed that their boss has told them to have the rest of the day off, before reporting back for work tomorrow at 5am. Loo...
Read full storyActor Gary Sinise Does The Impossible!
Tuesday October 12th, Actor Gary Sinise did the impossible, taking a shit while running at full speed. "Well, it all started as a bet a few weeks ago" says Sinise. Claiming it to be like the bet that took place years ago between wether or not A...
Read full storyGay Man's Haemorrhoid Not Suitable For Lancing, Says Hospital
A gay man with a haemorrhoid so large, that his arse looks like it has an Adidas Jabulani coming out of it, has been told by a hospital in Texas that he cannot have an operation to lance the pesky growth, and that he will have to wait until it gets b...
Read full storyBBC to auction official book of clichés used in miners' rescue coverage - profits go to Maggie Thatcher foundation
A chance to literally own your very own piece of broadcasting history emerged after the BBC today indicated it would auction 150 copies of Carnage on the Scale of What Happened in Europe During the Two World Wars - the corporation's official book of...
Read full storyBritain discovers secret lair near Chilean Mine
A crack British surveillance team has uncovered a colossal base which runs through the center of the Earth, following an examination of the living conditions of the miners. The miners, who had been trapped underground in Chile for 68 days, had stu...
Read full storyAguilera Seen at Clooney's Lake Como Villa
Having had enough of "immature boys", as Christina was overheard saying on yesterday's first class flight into Milan, Ms. Aguilera has apparently moved on and moved up the maturity scale after being sighted today at George Clooney's Vila in Bellagio,...
Read full storyBritish Teens Say Mine Rescue Is 'Boring'
The rescue of the Chilean miners from their 700m prison by Chilean mining engineers may have gripped the world at large, but it appears that most British teens think that the whole thing is a crashing bore. Experts theorise that because the rescue...
Read full storyTalking bear says 'Forget about your troubles and your strife'
A talking Russian bear has made his first appearance in front of the Western media. Named Baloo he chatted to the media scrum as if he was accustomed to all the attention. When asked what he liked most about being a bear he said 'Wherever I wander...
Read full storyChilean miners - we weren't really stuck
The spoof truth is out, the Chilean Miners "stuck" for 69 days have admitted that they weren't really stuck at all. Apparently the Chilean President had ordered the miners to pretend they were stuck as he wanted world publicity for a new inventi...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Named Itty Bitty Titty Czar By Barack Obama To Represent Flat Chested and Breastless Women
Country Music singing sensation Taylor Swift may have to put her entertainment career on hold for the next two years. She has been appointed the latest "Czar" by President Barack Obama. Her new, cabinet level, non-constitutional post will make the...
Read full storyThe Chilean Miners To Appear On Dancing With The Stars And Perform The Argentine Tango
HOLLYWOOD - The executive producer of Dancing With The Stars Bernadette Penderlicki has just announced that the Chilean miners will be making a guest appearance on DWTS and they have agreed to dance the Argentine Tango. A spokesperson for Los Mine...
Read full story"Clare Raynor Made My Life Worse" says Cliff Richard
"Like most young men I looked at the problem pages of women's magazines to see whether there might be an answer to my particular problem", admitted Sir Cliff on the This Morning TV programme. "However, I saw no appropriate guidance so I wrote to C...
Read full storyPanic over - Justin Bieber - alive and well
Justin Bieber is ALIVE AND WELL. I am relieved to have the exclusive story on Bieber after his fans were concerned about his well being after they were scouring forums, official websites and worldwide newspapers and no one - that's right no one - ha...
Read full storyMike Singletary Hires Mike Ditka
Mike Singletary isn't desperate to save his job, but he is desperate to relive his glory years with Mike Ditka, so he hired Ditka to do his press conferences and inspire the 49ers' players. "I really think we need someone like Ditka to talk to th...
Read full storyX-Factor Final 2010 - Bonkettes Turn Down Live Guest Slot
BT Bishop, manager of the world's greatest girl band, The Bonkettes revealed this afternoon that the girls had turned down an invitation to perform in the X-Factor final - one of the most sought after slots in the music business. He told SKoob Ent...
Read full storyFive Reasons Favre Needs Help
Brett Favre is in the news, again, and this time it isn't for reasons you would expect. He is in the news for hitting on women half his age. This is a list of reasons why Brett Favre needs help. 5. He doesn't seem to understand men don't cry. 4. He uses his press conferences like they are free therapy sessions. 3. He thinks pictures of his penis will impress girls with fake boobs.
Read full storyCouncils waste millions of your money on shit projects
With cash hard to find many UK local councils now under the spotlight and bizarre spending habits are starting to surface. Serious questions are now being asked as to why one council poured 1.2 million pounds of tax payer's money into a project ti...
Read full storyEngineers Go Back To Basics In Chilean Mine Rescue
As the rescue of the 33 trapped Chilean miners continues after 70 days confined 700m underground, (or the equivalent of two Empire State Buildings) engineers the world over watched live television pictures as the rescue effort unfolded and marvelled...
Read full storySean Hannity Looks up Reaganomics on Wikipedia
New York, New York--Sean Hannity finally looked up Reaganomics on Wikipedia, because a caller to his show told him to do it. "A caller told me I was missing the point about tax cuts for the supper rich, and should look it up on Wikipedia. What re...
Read full storyKim Kardashian's Nude Outsells Farah's Iconic 1976 Poster
Counted in terms of subscription downloads added to the number of magazine units sold, Kim Kardashian's recent nude poster is about to overtake perhaps the most famous bathing suit poster ever sold. Farah Fawcett's famous one-piece beach poster,...
Read full storyChilean Miners Rescue Goes On Apace But Fears Grow For Trapped Armadillo
Live from the San Jose Mine in Chile's Atacama Desert - as the rescue effort to bring 33 trapped copper miners to the surface continues apace, fears are growing over the future of 'Oscar' the miner's pet armadillo mascot who is also stuck in the subt...
Read full storyLife after the White House? Michelle's Meeting with Clooney Spurs Rumour of Hollywood Move after Divorce!
Hollywood was abuzz today with renewed gossip about the First Lady's rumoured split with self absorbed husband, Barry, after pictures of Michelle sitting on George Clooney's lap were leaked on Twitter! Clooney, visiting the White House unescorted...
Read full storyOPEC Jacks Gas Prices Across U.S.
Following a series of strategic planning meetings held in a secret location, Bruce Opec, owner of more than 370 Taco Bell restaurants across America, announced a new in-room dining fee for those patrons who regularly break wind. Similar to a pr...
Read full storyMcCain: "I am NOT a Whore!"
Dressed in back spandex, heavy eye make up and black lipstick, Senator John McCain faced the camera in his new commercial. With a blacked out background, he looked straight into the camera. "I am NOT a whore," he said solemnly. "I am a genuine Am...
Read full storyChilean miners welcomed by 'The Count' from Sesame Street.
The Chilean miners are finally being freed, ending their 69-day ordeal trapped underground. Florencio Avalos was the first of the 33 men to be brought to the surface and greeted by the Sesame Street Count in his usual inimitable way; "ONE RESCUED...
Read full storyCourtney Cox 'No sex ended our marriage'
Courteney Cox today revealed the true reason behind the breakdown of her marriage to David Arquette - a sex ban. Yes, Cox (46) said 'We haven't had sex for over 6 months now, well not in the same room anyway.' She blames David's lack of maturity,...
Read full storyMichael "The Situation" Sorrentino Angrily Heading Back To The Jersey Shore After Being Eliminated From Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - It came down to Michael Sorrentino and Bristol Palin and when the Dancing With The Stars votes were tallied it was "The Situation" Sorrentino who found himself voted off the dancing show. "Sitch's" dance partner Karina Smirnoff told co...
Read full storyCancun, Mexico Bound American Cruise Ship Disappears - Authorities Suspect Foul Play
GALVESTON - The 953-foot long luxury cruise ship The Golden Goddess of The Third Coast left the port of Galveston bound for Cancun, Yucatan, Mexico a few days ago. The United States Coast Guard reports that they have lost communications with the h...
Read full storyGeorge Lopez Divorcing Mrs. George Lopez (Ann)
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Comedian and talk show host George Lopez has just announced that he is divorcing his wife, Ann, of 17 years. Lopez remarked that for the past year his marriage has been one big giant roller coaster ride of emotions. He added that...
Read full storyMiners request to go back down
Reports have emerged that the Chilean miners who have been trapped underground for the last 69 days have requested to be lowered back and - and advised the still trapped to stay down there. It is understood that the first miner out was already fed...
Read full storyHeterosexual UK Man Wins $9m Discrimination Lawsuit in Workplace!
A working man, who can not be named due to threats of continuing harassment, has just been awarded over $9m, after being found "not guilty" of issuing "slurs" in the workplace. The man, a loyal employee who put in 102 hours a week at his place of...
Read full storyGay US soldiers - bring them on!
A federal judge in Washington today said 'It's about time we let gay American soldiers unleash their weapons and shoot wherever they are asked to!' The surprising policy u-turn is against the Joint Chief's preference as he wants to remain 'touchy...
Read full storyCaught With Your SS in a Sling: A Limerick
Introduction: In Ohio, there is a person running for Congress who has been discovered playing a German soldier while performing World War II re-enactments. Now they are throwing him under the bus...He's a Nazi...he's insensitive...he's anti-Jew...etc. No one says that people who play Confederate soldiers in Civil War re-enactments are racists or that people who play British soldiers in Revo...
Read full storyBrown lets rip in Israel
Tel Aviv, Israel. Following his controversial appearances at the nineteenth Commonwealth Games in Delhi, former Prime Minister Gordon Brown has continued his "eve of destruction" by arriving in the Israeli capital. Brown arrived and stunned waitin...
Read full storyUK Government to ban bananas?
News is emerging from 10 Downing Street that bananas are about to join the ever growing banned substances list, and not just because they already have 'ban' in their name. It turns out that the stringy bits that are normally discarded on account o...
Read full storyTory fatcat 'is secret £113 million lotto winner'
London - (Big Money Balls Mess): A prominent government front bencher has been outed as the secret winner of last week's £113 million lottery draw. The anonymous MP - previously an all-party House of Commons adviser on the lottery - is said to be...
Read full storyBe A Hallowe'en Saint, Not A Devil Say Bishops
Kids are being urged to go around performing miracles at Hallowe'en rather than playing their more traditional "trick-or-treat" games. Roman Catholic bishops are saying that kids should not dress up as witches and devils. More acceptable would be...
Read full storyWhere on Earth is Montenegro?
Still hunting through maps for Montenegro and having discovered it is not in Africa, I must say I've drawn a complete blank. A 0-0 blank in fact. What a dismal display from England. I realise that breaking legs must be the means by which the Montenegro defence have maintained a clean sheet for so many games and that the referee's idea of fairness is to award an equal number of fouls and yellow...
Read full storyKatie Waissel - World's Most Loved
In one of the most remarkable PR turnarounds in history, X Factor wannabe Katie Waissel is today the most-loved person in the world. As we reported yesterday, a PollsRUs poll had shown that Katie was more reviled even than historical evil-doers li...
Read full storyError discovered in projected UK population statistics
Statisticians have discovered a serious error in recent population projections, which were released by the Office for National Statistics. Instead of the UK's population increasing to 92 million over the next 100 years, civil servants have found that...
Read full storyWhere's The Bastille? Paintings Avert New French Revolution.
Some of the world's greatest paintings have helped to avert a new Revolution on the streets of Paris. Thousands of strikers protesting over the French government's pension plans gathered in the capital yesterday. When the cry "à La Bastille!"...
Read full storyBritain win gold in the Commonwealth Diving
British diver, Simon Legg, has swept the board at the diving in the Delhi Commonwealth games today as the only competitor to take part in the event. Gold was virtually guaranteed as long as he could complete the event, and as the event, once started,...
Read full storyName change for "Dancing With The Stars"?
According to sources at ABC, executives are considering considering changing the name of their hit TV program "Dancing With The Stars" to "Dancing With The Has-Been's And Wanna-Be's" "Our attorneys have informed us that we may be facing a possib...
Read full storyGay Man's Enormous Penis Overturns US Military Ban
A gay man with an enormous penis is being hailed this morning as the person responsible for the overturning of a US military ban on homosexuals taking up positions in the US Army. Larry Sabu, 20, was the man who was refused sign-up documentation i...
Read full storyGay Man Eats Pussy
A gay man from Lancashire surprised his friends when he served up a three-course meal, the main ingredient of which, was his boyfriend's cat, at a recent dinner party. Having returned from a holiday visit to Vietnam where he spent several days att...
Read full storyFrance revives Empire to finance pensions at 60
The French government has bowed to protestors objecting to the official French retirement age of 62. Mr. Sarkozy has crowned himself as Emperor of France in Napoleonic style this morning. La Republique est Mort - We can no longer finance the li...
Read full storyWar Erupts on the Korean Peninsula
Tokyo Japan: Kim Jong Nam the oldest son of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) "Dear Leader" Kim Jong il is opposed to the dynastic succession of his younger half-brother Kim Jong uN taking power. Kim Jong Nam has been living in C...
Read full storyChile Miner Site to be turned into Theme Park
The President of Chile Uno Gomez has announced the mining disaster site will be preserved as a theme park for tourists to discover 'the spirit of Chile' Once the miners have been rescued, Sidney World Entertainment Co. (Chile) will move in and com...
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