Katie Waissel Looking Like Gary Oldman In 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' Movie
It isn't only the general public who have failed to take X-Factor fame junkie Katie Waissel to their hearts - now the nation's leading fashionistas are lining up to take a pop at the wannabe. Following extensive media coverage, including paparazzi...Read full story
Katie Waissel In X-Factor Top Shop Collapse Hoax
Some people will do absolutely anything in the vainglorious pursuit of fame, fortune, and happiness. Others will do anything in order to manipulate a situation to their advantage in terms of a percentage of the take. Skoob Entertainment News has h...Read full story
Palin Chooses Christine O'Donnell for 2012 Running Mate Shortlist
"A witch and a bitch in 2012!" sang Sarah Palin to a favorable crowd of 10 people at a recent book signing. "We've contracted this wonderful new Ad agency from some boys at The Spoof.com. Its this new way of writing Political Ads called Gerbil Slingi...Read full story
Susan Boyle - something to make us all think
We are probably all aware that before she became a world wide success, Susan Boyle lived on Welfare Benefits and lived in the family home, alone, the only home she had ever known. Through no fault of her own Susan lived in diminished circumstances. She was born, by her own admission, with slight learning difficulties and nursed her elderly mother. There are many like Susan throughout the UK. T...Read full story
Eric Cantona gives Wayne Rooney some helpful advice about the future
Manchester United legend Eric Cantona has spoken about Wayne Rooney's decision to leave the Old Trafford club and has offered him some helpful advice as to his next move. 'If the tomato slips out of the cheese and tomato sandwich' said Cantona 'do...Read full story
NPR Makes Good on Threat to 'Leave the Airwaves for Good'
Washington, D.C - National Public Radio finally made good on numerous previous threats to pack her bags and leave the air. After years of alluding to her unhappiness during assorted pledge-drives, she left home two days ago saying simply: "I am goi...Read full story
Let's Make a Deal: President Clinton Swapped Nuclear Codes For Air Start
It was revealed that President Clinton was so star-struck by his affair with black-haired trollop, Monica Lewinsky, that he swapped his nuclear codes for a few pieces of lip and tongue around his crooked crank by the voluptious post-pubescent Lewinsk...Read full story
Noisy Neighbours Silenced By Lech Poznan Fans
City Of Manchester Stadium (home of Wayne Rooney Ltd) Thursday. A somewhat embarrassing experience here for City fans last night. The normally noisy neighbours were put to shame by visiting fans of Polish Champions, Lech Poznan. No rousing rend...Read full story
President Clinton Lost Nuclear Launch Codes While Being Pre-Occupied With Monica Lewinsky
According to a new book out by a former general who served as the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff during the Bill Clinton presidency, Mr. Clinton lost the coded page for a nuclear attack. What's more, another general at the time says Clinton co...Read full story
Adam Lambert Wants Taylor Lautner
Singer Adam Lambert had a wrestling match with a photographer late last week stating that he had had it with photographers showing up everywhere and trying to ask provoking questions and get him angry. "Yes I did get angry", stated Lambert to the...Read full story
Coronation Street Star Reveals Shocking Truth To Millions
Gail McIntyre (formerly Platt), the weasely faced hag of number 8 Coronation Street, stunned viewers and cast-members alike, by sensationally revealing that the show was not real. Millions of viewers sat down to watch their half hour catch up of t...Read full story
FOX News No Longer "Fair And Balanced". Forced To Get New Slogan
FOX News, painfully aware of the hypocrisy behind their using of the motto 'Fair And Balanced' when it is obvious to all with at least two eyes in their head that they are a major blow-horn for right wing shills, is trying to come up with a slogan th...Read full story
Christina Aguilera Says She's Attracted To Lindsay Lohan's Ex Samantha Ronson Because SamRon Looks Like A Skinny, Ugly-Looking Boy
BOISE, Idaho - Christina was in Boise performing at a sold out concert at The Mashed Potatoes Arena. After the concert she was asked about the rumor that, since her separation from her soon-to-be-ex-husband Jordan Bratman, she has been secretly da...Read full story
Bionic arm causes crash in Austria!
A bionic arm, not the driver, caused a huge crash in Austria today. The driver and owner of the bionic arm who was lucky to get out alive gave the following explanation to the Polizei: "I vanted to go left, my arm vanted to go right and ve cras...Read full story
Aylesbury Mum Told Off For Feeding Park Ducks "Wrong Type" Of Bread
In a classic case of Political Correctness gone mad, absolutely lusciously scrummy yummy mummy and much sought after MILF, Virginia De Phoarr, of Aylesbury was told off by a park warden for feeding the ducks the wrong kind of bread. Virginia, 29 a...Read full story
Chapter 18, Pygmies know best!
The sun burnt down with impunity as a gentle west, south west breeze lifted the ripples alongside the log float causing a fata-morgana of fluffy gay white, furry Father Christmas's to dance upon the waves. Exitus from the deep, dark, bat hung caverns of Masterchev's inner psyche proved more difficult than expected. The race to find IT, The Oracle of all that matters and once mattered stumble...Read full story
Margaret Thatcher's Basement Secrets Revealed
The secret of what has been lurking in Margaret Thatcher's basement all these years has finally been revealed...and its a shocker. Neighbours have long known that something sinister was down there, but were amazed when they found out what it act...Read full story
Why women over 50 agree Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!
American viewers of CBS "60 Minutes" correspondent Andy Rooney know him for his really smart observations. Here's something he has to offer on the fairer sex: "As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman...Read full story
Stalin Family Sues Over "Hitler" References
(October 21, 2010 -- Madison, WI) …Startling news this morning out of rural Wisconsin, as I have obtained documentation from Lana Peters, the only living daughter of former dictator Joseph Stalin, stating she will file litigation against every media...Read full story
Arizona Judge in Trouble
The Third District Court of Appeals, in Flagstaff Arizona has come under fire for some of its inhumane methods of handing out punishment. Judge Manherd Prather recently has been sentencing some offenders to what some consider "cruel and inhuman" s...Read full story
Elections may be cancelled
At an early morning news briefing, Barack Obama indicated that he is putting "all the wheels in motion" to cancel the upcoming elections in November. "Nancy and Harry and I have been discussing the upcoming elections, and we feel it would be too c...Read full story
UK Spending Cuts Latest: Summer Is Slashed.
The sun, big, orangey, fiery ball in the sky, has been ordered to leave the UK amid the coalition governments latest round of spending cuts. Residents of the United Kingdom noticed the weather becoming a little chilly last week, but reports today...Read full story
Rooney - I'm Bigger Than Jesus
He's not the first Scouser to get into trouble for insisting that he's bigger than Jesus, but just like the Beatles before him, want-away plastic Manc Wayne Rooney insists that his comments were taken out of context. Apparently Rooney, 24, was ref...Read full story
Less dinosaurs than previously thought
At the last count, there were nearly seven hundred species of dinosaur. If one palaeontologist is right, however, there were a mere fifty or so. "We have been looking at it all wrong," said Doctor Ivan Jaukiov from the Moscow Institute of Palaeont...Read full story
Jubilee Line meltdown 'an omen that Queen will abdicate'
London - (Dependency Culture Mess): A 'wrong sort of crack' cocaine was found on the derailed faux royal line today. Disgusted commuters were herded like sheep onto underground cattle wagon replacement services as chaos brought the entire Blood Di...Read full story
Virginia Thomas: "The Pubic Hair on the Coke Can Was Mine!"
In a startling revelation and nineteen years after the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court nomination hearings, Virginia Thomas has reportedly left a message for Anita Hill apologizing for her part in the controversy. One of the most shocking revelation...Read full story
10 Days to Halloween, 12 to Elections; Dead Rise from Grave to Vote...Again!
With mid term elections just 12 days away the Dems are furiously digging up dirt busy resurrecting the DEAD in time to Vote, just as they've done for decades. While some may call voting rolls stuffed with DEAD PEOPLE Ghoulish, it's been an importa...Read full story
Woman dies in freak accident while trying to defrost her car
A Rochdale woman died this morning while trying to defrost her car. In a bizarre sequence of events, Brenda Protheroe successfully removed herself from the human gene pool. Ms Protheroe walked out of her house to find her 15 year old Fiat Panda co...Read full story
Unions threaten French-style riots over public sector job cuts
A furious union backlash is expected, in response to the government's announcement that 490,000 public sector jobs will be cut. Union leaders have joined forces in condemning the decision and have compared the cuts to those recently made in France.Read full story
Ferguson Mad, Rooney Cow
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has compared wantaway striker Wayne Rooney's yearning looks across the city towards Eastlands to those of a jealous farmer or bestiality enthusiast. "Sometimes you look in a field and you see a cow, and you...Read full story
Danny Dyer To Play Pixie In New Movie Project
Faux-hardnut and ponce, Danny Dyer, is to star in a movie about wizards and mystical, magical happenings. The screenplay, a direct cash-in on the whole Harry Potter theme, was written by a team of bored writers in Hollywood looking to make a quick...Read full story
UK government admit to gerontophilia
A UK government spokesman has admitted that spending cuts aimed to hit everyone under the age of 66 were implemented because they want to shag old people. 'We want to have sex with old people' admitted a government spokesperson. 'This is why we...Read full story
Tally Ho! The dogs smell the blood of a tiring animal and prepare to tear it from limb to limb. To cheers the head is ripped from the body and now all they want is more. The Hunt leader smiles as the Big Bloody Creature screams in pain. This anima...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Demands Assurances Over Asteroid Collision
So Wayne Rooney says he wants out of Manchester United because the club cannot give him certain assurances. Just what are they? I spoke to my source at United. He told me: "Wayne's clearly a lad of simple desires and all he wants is to rub alon...Read full story
Police Hunt Supermarket Trolleys
There has been mixed reaction to the news that police officers have been out rounding up supermarket trolleys. Officers managed to recover 43 in a joint operation with council officials in Sheerness, Kent. Some locals have branded the mission a...Read full story
Stone Age door bell unearthed in Zurich
Archaeologists have found a 'fantastically preserved' doorbell in the Swiss city of Zurich. "The doorbell could have been made as early as the year 3062 BC." - Dr. Bleacher The find is one of the oldest doorbells ever found in Europe and is rem...Read full story
Taliban Assemble Bomb for Sky News - Bomb Gets Own Show
A roadside bomb that a Taliban fighting unit planted to kill British troops, has been given a job on Sky News. Sky executives, having seen footage of the Improvised Explosive Device (IED) being planted by the Taliban during a Sky News report, thou...Read full story
US Military lifts ban on 'Fags'
In a contraversial move the US Supreme court has taken a dim view of practices within the US military, and ordered a lift of the ban on 'fags'. Military chiefs have reacted by calling the ruling 'not practical'. "How can you train an elite fig...Read full story
"Driving Off A F--king Mountain" Official Cause Of Dr. Frank Ryan's Death.
California Highway Patrol (CHP) investigators have released the cause of death for Dr. Frank Ryan, the plastic surgeon who turned Heidi Montag's face into a kabuki mask. "Dr. Ryan's cause of death has been determined to be: 'driving off a f--king...Read full story
Will the Real Tea Party Please Stand Up-For Itself
The original founder of the Tea Party, Karl Denninger, is on a rant about something these days. Seems his original Tea Party movement was taken over by wealthy interests, and he claims they are espousing ideals he says he's never really embraced. Cla...Read full story
Russel Brand and Katy Perry Invite Tareq and Michaele Salahi (The White House Party Crashers) To Their Wedding In India
JAIPUR, India - Russell Brand and Katy Perry have announced that they have indeed invited the so called White House Party Crashers Tareq and his wife Michaele Salahi to their exquisite wedding. Brand stated that the soon-to-be-married couple decid...Read full story
Kangaroo feared Dead after Disco Terror
"The incident happened during a 30th birthday party in a Dublin nightclub. People were just dancing away when a kangaroo appeared on the dancefloor! A guy started dancing with the marsupial and put his hand down it's pouch but an altercation broke ou...Read full story
"Wayne Rooney Has Shit His Nest" Say United Fans. No Turning Back Now
The message from Manchester United supporters to want away striker Wayne Rooney was virtually unanimous, according to Old Trafford insiders. The vast majority of fans appear to be of the opinion that if Rooney wants to leave, he should just get on...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Not Such A 'Daft Apeth'
Troubled Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney has spoken out about what he describes as the Old Trafford club's "lack of ambition", and its apparent inability to attract world class players to Old Trafford. His surprisingly eloquent...Read full story
Facebook Replaces Traditional Voting System in Five States
In an effort to save money, five cash-strapped states have temporarily shut down all their voting precincts, opting instead to allow voters to decide elections through Facebook. Between now and election day in November, voters in Californi...Read full story
Profuse Pubic Hair Making A Comeback
It's official - males all over the world, having grown weary of Brazilian waxed women are becoming increasingly disgruntled about the paucity of pubic hair and are demanding a return to the good old days of the hairy muff. Hairy muffs, once quite...Read full story
Kevin Smith is NOT a Stand-up Comedian. Which is Why 'Too Fat For 40' is Brilliant.
Kevin Smith is a terrible stand-up comedian. He doesn't bring the energy into his performance that most comics use to propel their performances forward through the ebb and flow of their prepared material. Wild gesticulations, mugging for the audience, and -- thank the Lord-- prop. comedy never finds its way into Smith's "stand-up". And that is what makes it brilliant. Kevin Smith selected filmo...Read full story
Federal Ice Cream Company to Declare Bankruptcy
Washington DC: The Federal Ice Cream Company, NYSE symbol USA, may be declaring bankruptcy. USA was established 234 years ago as a limited partnership, which grew from 13 stores to 50 stores. The founders of USA produced a plain vanilla product, l...Read full story
Robert Pattinson Thinks Taylor Lautner May Be Gay
In a stunner this morning during an interview with Robert Pattinson about the upcoming Twilight movie, Robert Pattinson let slip that he thinks that fellow actor, Taylor Lautner may be gay. After a long question and answer session about the movies...Read full story
Cher Lloyd gives second hand rose the boot
This week is Barbra Streisand week on the X - Factor. Cher Lloyd is reported to have told her mentor, Cheryl, that she won't be seen dead singing "Second Hand Rose." Cher reckons that she ain't playing second hand nothing to anyone on the show. S...Read full story