Written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for OPEC Jacks Gas Prices Across U.S.
A new gas customer letting one rip

Following a series of strategic planning meetings held in a secret location, Bruce Opec, owner of more than 370 Taco Bell restaurants across America, announced a new in-room dining fee for those patrons who regularly break wind.

Similar to a previous restaurant seating model supporting both smoking and non-smoking sections, Opec's new dining room design will host a new section for gassy customers. Walled off by Plexiglas and ventilated by three industrial roof mounted blowers, the new "Pheurt Room" as Opec likes to call it, will require those customers with special pneumatic challenges, to pay an additional $1.75 to use the dining area.

Public reactions are mixed over the news. Miss Lucretia Widebottom, a regular visitor to both Kentucky Fried Chicken and Taco Bell restaurants, feels as if she is being singled out unfairly. "So I might have to sneak out a little relief once in a while. They don't smell all that bad. I mean, it's not like I'm killing the flowers or anything". Widebottom pointed to a window mounted flower box which happened to contain a silk floral arrangement. Our reporter noticed the edges of the silk carnations seemed to be singed.

Others appreciate the separation of dining areas. Terence Daily, recent father of twin boys comments, "This is an old college habit for me, you know. I still like to come here once in a while and double down on a couple of bean burritos, but I don't want to smell somebody else's ass juice. If you can't hold it, you shouldn't come here. I like the separate dining rooms; it's healthier for my kids."

Opec also redesigned the order process to ask if the order is "To Go" or "To Blow". The second answer will now cost a little extra.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Gasoline, Taco Bell, OPEC




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
94 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more