Ed Miliband "unelectable"
A recent public survey has suggested that Ed Miliband may be unelectable, and that the Labour party would have been better off picking his brother David. In a detailed online poll to random members of the public, voters were asked which adjective...Read full story
Condom Cameron strikes again
David Cameron has hit the headlines again in a bold, but controversial move to cut the burgeoning world population by cutting all foreign monetary aid and sending condoms and morning after pills instead, with full instructions on the packets. And no,...Read full story
Gordon 'Goldfinger' Brown 'absolutely furious' about 'Red' Ed Miliband's attack on his economic legacy!
Fifeshire feifdom, Scotland: Gordon 'Goldfinger' Brown, the overbearing, dictatorial, class war driven, English hating, middle-class loathing, paranoid, spend-and-tax, serial borrowing, Marxist leaning, I'm always right, incompetent Bully, who has...Read full story
Part #11: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
Part #11: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date' 10. John Deere never worked on a farm a single day of his life! 9. Benjamin Franklin had strange sex habits according to his wife, Deborah Reed Rogers. While at home, she usually called him old "Ben Dover". 8. Along with the famous sign over President Harry Trueman's desk saying "The Buck Stops Here", it was originally hung from a deer's hea...Read full story
10-year research reveals Spoof writers suffering from impotence, incontinence, incoherence and constipation due to excessive hours spent on-line
Once again they've become fodder for the boffins. Now a group of researchers says a 10-year study has revealed that spoof writers are most likely to suffer from impotence, incontinence, incoherence and constipation due to the excessive numbers of ho...Read full story
A return to the dark ages as Supermarkets are only able to take cash!
100s of Supermarkets, Britain: Across the length and breadth of Britain, thousands of shoppers were unable to buy food today in what could be a sign of things to come. Investigations are ongoing, with Store Manager realising it was causing "great...Read full story
Vuvuzelas "Permitted in House of Commons"
Fans of the mosquito like buzzy instrument rejoice! Vuvuzelas have been passed as a legal accessory in the House of Commons. After a massive root about in Gordon Brown's' archives, we discovered the last law he ever passed: Vuvuzelas are permitted...Read full story
Iraq in World Record Books
The country with the hardest to spell name has been revealed as Iraq today, with the majority of the population unable to spell this four lettered word. Many people were asked to spell a number of countries. Having nailed the spellings for Kazakhs...Read full story
Sunderland Pipes "Nearly kill Man Utd Squad"
In a shocking controversy thought to be caused by a lower league team, the roof of the Manchester United dressing room at the Stadium of Light collapsed completely. The room above, known as the "Local" for local supporters, was currently hosting a...Read full story
Yakubu "Top Scorer"
More from the player named after an animal everyone loves to mock. Yes, its Yakubu. I've been keeping tabs on the Nigerian forward as he trains to become a top class striker again. But this week, the Yak boasted confidently "You've got your facts...Read full story
Leicester Get New Manager
It's not often we get to link a manager with a post at Leicester City. For those of you who may not know this, yes they do have a football club. No, it's not as big as Man. Utd. Yes it is in Leicester. But following a recent shift in power, they'v...Read full story
Administration officials tout new "green economy" initiatives
With McLaughlin Group panel member and perennial democratic mouthpiece Eleanor Clift kicking off the trade show by screeching "The green economy is here, it will save us!" Several major companies unveiled new products designed to supercharge the comi...Read full story
Indian fashion designers throw hands up in horror as Grimacing, Walking-dead Charles and Roly-poly Blancmange Camilla arrive in New Delhi.
Walking-dead Royals - Cadaverous Charles and his pudding-plump Camilla have arrived in New Delhi to do the Queen's work - cutting ribbons, making silly chit-chat, mouthing the usual platitudes while grimacing throughout the entire procedure. This...Read full story
President Obama Declares Peace
In a shocking development, the President of the United States threw away his prepared 'State Of The Union' speech and gave the following off-the-cuff address to the nation: "My fellow Americans. I have decided to declare peace with the entire Musl...Read full story
State of North Carolina Converting I-95 to a Gravel Road in Bid to Save Budget
The recession is over but the North Carolina Department of Transportation has decided to convert it's 200 miles of I-95 to a gravel surfaced highway in a bid to save the states' floundering budget. After several meetings earlier this year the gene...Read full story
Druidry to be classed as religion. Jedi next?
Druidry is to become the first pagan practice to be given official recognition as a religion. The Charity Commission has accepted that druids' worship of spirits arising from the natural world could be seen as a religious activity. Many Jedi mast...Read full story
Francophobe Hails Champs Elysees Retail Plans
A top Francophobe is planning to bring a swish Paris shopping street down a peg or two. UK retail magnate, Mick "Stack 'Em Up" Envelope, has welcomed the news that low-ticket clothing shop H&M has been given permission to open a store on the C...Read full story
Yep, I could easily plagiarise another Harry Potter book JK Rowling tells Oprah
Scotland - (Reuterus): "And why not?" the children's fiction hoaxer chuckled. "Getting away with the first seven volumes has been such a doddle that Books Nos# 7, 8, 9 etc would be a walkover." The Scots plagiarist was defending a rich Walter Mitt...Read full story
Man killed by Intransigence
Bank teller Kevin Smally has died of intransigence following a recent raid on HS Natleys bank. He had been busy sharpening pencils for the manager when an armed gang stormed the High St branch. One of the raiders demanded cash from Mr Smally who r...Read full story
'We Should Pay for Health Care'
A memo for circulation at the Conservative Party Conference has been given to your ever diligent reporter. It will make some people ill. The unsigned memo argues that wealthy people should not get free bus passes, free dental check ups, the winter...Read full story
Facebook Movie "Missing Several Key Plot Points"
The Facebook Movie, which is currently being made in America, is missing several relevant plot points, according to movie critics. Our expert, Jake Povah, watched 90 minutes of the film before throwing up into his popcorn out of disgust. Coming ou...Read full story
Alice Roberts, Krestovnikoff, Hughes Dress/Undress Debate: Kirsty Wark Group Joins
Yet another new group has entered the ridiculous debate concerning the state of dress or undress of female TV presenters. As we have reported at length in this running story (August 26, September 1, 3, 5, 10 and 29) the whole issue was first raise...Read full story
Ayodhya Verdict Appeal: 1/3 of Land Should Go to a TV Channel
"For a second when I saw that the court had decided that the Ayodhya disputed site was going to be split into 1/3 I was sure that the last part would go to a TV channel," said one staunch supporter of TV News Channels. News channels of India have...Read full story
Christine O'Donnell Dresses Ken Dolls in Barbie Clothes
Can it get any weirder for this babe who's running for a Delaware Senate seat? It has just come out on another obscure videotape that ever since Christine O'Donnell was a sophomore in high school she's had a weird hobby of dressing Ken dolls in Barbi...Read full story
James Cameron to Re-re-release Avatar in 1 Dimension
Unfazed by a lukewarmy response to the re-release of his $2billion 3-D block-buster: Cameron. Highly placed Hollywood sources are reporting that the director James Cameron is about release the same movie for a third time in theatres. But this time...Read full story
Gadget Show Winner Is Jailed
A teenager from Shropshire has been jailed for two years for selling stolen property. In a bizarre turn of events, Terry Jones, 17, from Ludlow in Shropshire, has been found selling items on eBay that are identical to the main prize on this week's...Read full story
Obama Announces Creation of Post of Entitlement Czar
With President Barack Obama's proposed 2011 budget assigning 68% of all Federal Spending to entitlement programs, the administration has announced the need to creat the position of Entitlement Czar. The new Super-Cabinet Level post is scheduled to o...Read full story
George W - London Mayoral Election Update 8
As part of our reporting about George W's London Election campaign we have been asking him to talk about specific problems in London and what policies he would introduce to over come them. Today we discussed homelessness and I asked him what he thought about homelessness in London. G.W. "Well, y'all'know I'm told it gets pretty wet sum'time in there London what with y'ole May showers and aut...Read full story
Congress Passes American Incontinence Act of 2010 To Provide Free Adult Diapers To Senior Citizens
In their last act on Friday before adjourning for the weekend, the United States Senate ratified a bill already passed by the House of Representatives. The new law, called the American Incontinence Act of 2010, now goes to President Obama for his si...Read full story
Business cycles have four phases: prosperity, crisis, depression and recovery. William Jevons (1835-1882) introduced the Sunspot Theory, which affects climate and agricultural output. In some bibles, there is a story about Pharaoh's dream which was interpreted by Josef as an admonition of coming droughts. He is said to have advised Pharaoh to store grains. Another theory regarding cau...Read full story
BP now claiming positive impact from oil spill
A representative from BP held a press conference today and announced that a new study commissioned last month indicates that the oil spill resulting from the deep-water horizon disaster may have a long-term positive impact on the environment. "Th...Read full story
Mel Gibson reportedly mulling aid to Joran Van Der Sloot
A waiter at an upscale Malibu bistro reports that Mel Gibson is considering extending an offer of assistance to suspected killer Joran van Der Sloot. "As I was serving Mr. Gibson and his publicist, I overheard them discussing damage control strat...Read full story
Gun and Beer Sales Up, Foreclosures Down in Michigan
Folks facing financial ruin in Michigan have finally come up with a solution to losing their homes to banks through the foreclosure process. They are taking their unemployment checks and purchasing rifles to fend off anyone looking to evict them from...Read full story