Written by K.C. Bell

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for Rachel Ray To Run For President
New meaning for the 'Kitchen Cabinet'.

Friends of Cooking Network chef, Rachel Ray, have mobilized forming a campaign committee that will begin immediate work on her run for the White House in 2012.

Famed as an advocate of fast food cooking, Ms. Ray is also perky, smiles a lot, knows how to wink, can also wear a smart red jacket, eyes never hit the panic button when asked a question, able to talk while chopping an onion without losing a finger, reads newspapers as well as recipes, cooks a Thanksgiving dinner for eight in sixty minutes, has a national following, and she has kept a job longer than one half hour. What's not to like?

Little is known about Ms. Ray's many accomplishments outside of the kitchen, but she recently rowed solo around the world in a canoe, fished for her food and lived on a steady diet of sushi and fish jerky. She also finished translating a complete copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls while navigating the currents. Ray has climbed Mount Everest twice; second time because she left her sunglasses at the top. She also figured out a national water drainage system for the United States which will eliminate any future flooding in the nation. One real tough cookie, "I quit" is not in her vocabulary.

On international front, Ms. Ray met with Osama bin Laden, kicked ass and he hasn't been seen out of his cave since. Settled the Israeli/Palestinian conflict over lunch with a wooden spoon. Made Ahmadinejad wear a tie at a barbecue during which he lost his mojo and announced Mousavi was the true winner of the last Iranian election and resigned the same day. Ray then told religious leaders throughout the world to quit their wars and get back to the business of praying in thirty minutes or else. No one has yet questioned the meaning of "or else".

Last, but not dessert: this gal takes questions and not while hiding behind a magic curtain like the Wizard of Oz.

Wait, she can cook a Thanksgiving dinner for eight in one hour? Why that's a miracle! Maybe she should run for Pope?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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