Ozzy Osbourne Buys OctuMom's Neverland's Petting Zoo
SANTA BARBARA COUNTY, California - The Associated Press is reporting that the former lead singer of the British band Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne has just purchased Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch's petting zoo. Neverland Ranch, a sprawling para...
Read full storyAfter using IOU's to pay rent, Cal. Gov. Schwarzenegger receives eviction notice: "Pay Rent or Quit"!
Sacramento, California - With the media still abuzz about the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, a knocking came at the front door of the California governor's mansion early Sunday morning. As Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger arose, the knockin...
Read full storyTracy Tynemouth Star In Back Alley Knee-Trembler Scandal
Doreen Skagg, who plays Brit answer to Hannah Montana, Tracy Tynemouth, the Geordie teen with corned beef legs and an affinity with pigeons, was embroiled in a bitter war of words with boyfriend of six days, Ryan DeMong. DeMong accused Skagg of "d...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Narrowly Escapes Hit and Run Incident
New York City- David Letterman barely escaped becoming the victim of a hit and run accident early Saturday morning after the taping of his TV show. Letterman and the head comedy writer for his show Horace "Grizzly" Bear had just exited an up-scal...
Read full storyHoly Job Cuts! God Announces Redundancies
God has admitted that the recession has hit harder than even He knew it would. "I can't be expected to know everything" He said "I need to make some cuts. At first I'm just going to make cuts in the Protestant wing of the business. The Vatican brings...
Read full storyFrank Lampard To Join Manchester City?
Following newspaper reports that Chelsea Skipper John Terry wants to talk to representatives from Manchester City with one eye on a very lucrative contract, our contact at City, Boner Sweetlove told us: "It's all true. JT wants a chat with Sparky...
Read full storyPalace's 'let them eat cake' crop circle shocker
London - (Rioters): A guillotine-shaped crop circle is playing havoc with Buckingham Palace squatters - er...royals! - after appearing on the lawn outside the Queen's panic room. Courtiers fear that extraterrestrials are taking the piss and sendi...
Read full storyHunter after Tiger
Supporters of Hunter Mahan believe he can hunt down the Tiger in their next golf tournament. Hunter is good at dealing with Birdies,Eagles and the odd Albatross but can he really deal with a Tiger. Hunter may also have to deal with Retief GOOSEn,...
Read full storyObama Economist Team Fatally Lost in Alaska
Anchorage, AK; Washington, DC - A team of economists for President Obama crashed this weekend in the high mountains of Alaska, where snowmobiling still is possible in the summer. A team of rescuers had found the wrecked snowmobile with the team of...
Read full storyMiners Survive 25 Days Without Michael Jackson News
Three Chinese minors somehow managed to survive 25 days underground without access to newspapers, television, radio or the internet. The three men were hauled from the ground clearly suffering from the advanced stages of Jackson Withdrawal Syndrome.
Read full storyGiraffe Racing Fails
Racegoers flocked to Scottsville racecourse in South Africa to see the first and last meeting of Giraffe Racing. A spokesperson for the racecourse Charles Robbie said we tried Cheetah racing last week but the races were over in three seconds and...
Read full storyStimulus package to include "Monopoly man" costumes
In an effort to bolster sagging consumer confidence, the economic stimulus package will include a "monopoly man" costume for one out of every three families in the United States. A spokesman for the president said while enjoying a meal at a Ta...
Read full storyLeslie Nielson Tired Of People Thinking He's John McCain
Actor Leslie Nielson says he is sick and tired of people coming up off the streets and asking him, "Mr. McCain, can I have your autograph?" "This is getting a little ridiculous", stated the actor, famous for his The Naked Gun movies. "At first I t...
Read full storyThe droopy prize
We have all heard of the BBC Sports personality of the year prize but have you heard the latest. A new Sports prize is to be awarded to the grumpiest sour faced person in sport. The Droopy prize is called after the cartoon character with the cons...
Read full storyParis Jackson To Record Song For 'Daddy' - Congressman Peter King says 'Stop The Insanity'
Long Island, NY - Upon hearing the news that Paris Jackson is going to record a song commemorating her late father, Michael Jackson, Congressman Peter King was heard saying, "Stop The Insanity!" "The man/boy isn't even buried yet and this family w...
Read full storyMake a Threat Foundation Celebrates 90 Years of Fulfilling Threats
Chicago, Il.-The Make a Threat Foundation celebrated 90 Years of fulfilling threats by ransoming Michael Jackson's corpse. That particular threat, the product of the fevered imagination of a young Simon Howard, who suffers from clinical lycanthropy,...
Read full storyCompulsory Swine Flu Vaccinations
The engineered Swine Flu scare is being exploited to advance the agenda of compulsory vaccination says Professor Ian Wiseman of San Fransisco. He said it is the intention of governments in the USA & the UK to make vaccination of the populatio...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Brilliant Career Move
Most savvy people in the industry say that Michael Jackson made the career move of a lifetime two weeks ago by dying. "Nobody was paying much attention to Michael lately, even though he was still doing some pretty weird stuff to get reporters to t...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Coffin Seen Cruising The Castro Area Of San Francisco
San Francisco, CA - Michael Jackson's coffin was pulled over early this morning in the Castro area of San Francisco. Detective Harry Callaghan, who normally operates out of the homicide division, had been off duty when he noticed the coffin driving e...
Read full storyJordan Chandler tests DNA positive for paternity of Jackson children
Los Angeles - (ReuterUs & Ass Mess): "Just wanna have a baby with you, Jordie!" That was Michael Jackson's pillowtalk opening salvo according to a secret Neverland CCTV videotape seized from Deborah Rowe's First Hellfire Bank of Sodom &...
Read full storyJackson contacts medium
Medium Angela Crook from New York claims that she has been in touch with the spirit of Michael Jackson. She claims there was a Seance at her New York apartment on Friday 10th July 2009 and that she made contact with the spirit of Michael Jackson.
Read full storyEntire Jackson family 'pathological liars' says CIA's Panetta
Langley, Va - (Rioters): Beleaguered CIA boss Leon Panetta has slammed the Jackson family as serial liars complicit in a massive billion dollar fraud started by the Bush family circa 1982. At Langley's President George Herbert Bush Center for Inte...
Read full storyLocal Boy's Anger Over X-Ray Specs
Local teenager Danny Dickweed Jnr has demanded a refund after purchasing a faulty pair of X-Ray spectacles. Danny ordered a pair of the glasses from an advertisement he saw on the back pages of his 'Amazing Danger Dudes Weekly' comic book for 75p.
Read full storyMichael Jackson pathologist hired for second Dr David Kelly autopsy
Oxfordshire - (Poodle Brothers Mess): Michael Jackson's autopsy mortician has been invited by Gorgon Brown to conduct a new postmortem on 'suicided' WMD dodgy dossier debunker Dr David Kelly. The scientist's sudden, unexpected and totally implausi...
Read full storyThe Bigger the Cushion, The Sweeter the Pushin'
Mock Rock band Spinal Tap probably never expected that the lyrics of their song 'Big Bottom' would be the subject of a science paper, but its true. The song - which deals with how much more sexually satisfying a large bottom on a woman can be...
Read full storyQueen Songs Incite Racial Hatred Amongst Football Fans
The lyrics of flamboyant rock band Queen have been shown to incite racism and violence amongst people, it's claimed. Songs like 'We are the Champions (of the World)" and "We Will Rock You" - with their lyrics of "no time for losers, because we...
Read full storySome Guys Have All The Luck
It's a fact of life that not everyone can be successful, but a new study has shown that a certain section of the community have all the luck. Professor Robert Palmer of the University of Hard Knock, Newcastle, spent the past 18 months doing fuck a...
Read full storyZac Efron: I am Not An Ass-Bandit!
Teen heart-throb Zac Efron has denied outright that he is responsible for the theft of a donkey from the set of High School Musical 4: The College Years. Pretty boy Efron explained how shocked he was to read in the tabloid press the claims that he...
Read full story9 out of 10 Cats now say they Hate Whiskas
Cat opinion has changed dramatically in the Whiskas debate, with recent findings showing a massive reverse in popularity for the cat food Whiskas. Out of 100 cats surveyed, 90 of them said that they found the taste was 'too chewy' and 'uninspiring...
Read full storyLocal Toddler Behind Spate of Prank Calls
Local Two and three quarter's year old child Billy Bugger has been identified as the mastermind behind a spate of local prank calls in the area. During a two-week period, Billy used a telephone to call up several local businesses and private resid...
Read full story"Swine Flu Scared The Shit Out Of Me" Admits Emma Watson
Shapely Harry Potter star Emma Watson admit that the Swine Flu virus which had struck a co-star had "scared the shit" out of her. Wearing a dress which showed off her shapely figure the delectable Miss Watson spoke of her "fear" and "concern" at Rupe...
Read full storyA Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss
The Rolling Stone's guitarist Ronnie Wood has helped contribute to a spoof writer's list of punning headlines, by announcing that he has refused to collect supermodel Kate Moss in his privately owned bin lorry. The hell raising shrivelled up big n...
Read full storyPalin Calls for Revision of Alaska Ethics Code
ANCHORAGE, AK - Alaska governor Sarah Palin said the most recent ethics complaint filed against her serves as a "wake-up call" that her state needs new ethics policies. "I just don't know where these mavericks keep coming from," said Palin, referr...
Read full storyPattinson, Lautner Tapped for "Hulk" Series
HOLLYWOOD, CA - The SeeBS Network signed a tentative deal with New Moon stars Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner to begin filming a new primetime TV series based on a marvelous comic book character. No surprise: Lautner will play the hulking beast,...
Read full storyNew prison reforms! Gay/Lesbian prisoners forced to exchange prisons!
The home Office in a desperate attempt to reduce prison sex, aids, gay rapes, lesbian assaults with broomsticks, etc, have decided to introduce the most radical reforms since the prison system begun! Male prisoners who are either gay or practise g...
Read full storySimmonds: "Jafargholi has killed his career"
Kiss frontman, Gene Simmonds has said that Shaheen Jafargholi has killed any chances he may have had of a career by admitting to being half-Iranian. Outspoken Simmonds, who has repeated more times than a cucumber and pepper salad that he believes...
Read full storyBNP Leader Denies Being A Fascist
British Numpty Party leader Dick Sniffin denies that he is a fascist. Speaking on Johnny Marr's BBC show "Jangly Guitar Politics On Sunday Morning" he claimed that he actually despised fascism. "All that marching in uniforms and arm bands, it's not f...
Read full storyWho Whacked Whacko Jacko?
The hunt is on for the killer! Following La Toya Jackson's shocking revelations that her brother, the internationally renowned pedophile Michael Jackson, was murdered. La Toya, speaking in that bastion for truth and integrity, The Mail On Sunday, sai...
Read full storyPelosi to Resume Water Boarding Gingrich, Republicans
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A knowledgeable source confirmed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will resume application of water boarding techniques to Newt Gingrich, following Leon Panetta's announcement the CIA withheld information about secret counterterrorist act...
Read full storyFish May Not Be Alzheimer's Answer-But What Was The Question Again?
Scientists today announced that fish may not be the answer to Alzheimer's disease. Fish has a reputation for being a 'brain food', however there is little evidence that it helps ward off Alzheimer's disease. There is evidence that fish fingers are...
Read full storyMan 'Allergic To London' Dies
A man who was allergic to London has died after coming into contact with the city. Frank Needler discovered this rare condition - Londinitis, known commonly as Capital Fever, at the age of 11 when he went on a school visit to the UK's most popular...
Read full storyPattaya Man Leaves Top Button Unfastened
There was real drama in the Thai eastern seaboard paradise town of Pattaya last night, when a British man living here was discovered by locals to have left his top shirt button unfastened. The man, Moys Kenwood, 46, had been preparing for a night...
Read full storyBruno ist Jiminy Glick
You know Baron is Bruno and Ali and borat but did you know that Bruno is really Jiminy Glick after years of the Slimfast Diet. This breaking news has been rejected by everu blog, website, zine and gossip rag but thanks to the low standards of the dot...
Read full storyTV Doctors Rapped Over Jacko Speculation
The General Medical Council has today penalised a number of doctors for appearances on television news programmes speculating over the possible health problems that led to the death of popular singer and dancer Michael Jackson. In a written statem...
Read full storyFat Pigs Get the Swine Flu Up the Pork Butt
Epidemiologists studying the epidemic spread of the Swine Flu have discovered that weight is a factor in the severity of the viral infection. The study published in Starvnation, a Medical Journal devoted to the defeat of Obesity and the Enjoyment of...
Read full storyGerman Pope Loves The First Schwartze Family
Pope Benedict the Sixteenth could not hide his clear enjoyment of the first Black people he had ever met when the American First Black family visited Vatican City. Former Hitler Youth, Johan Ratzinger, now Roman Catholic Pope Benedict told Vatican L'...
Read full storyAre Butterflies and Caterpillars Different Species?
A Southern Baptist group has successfully challenged educational materials in the Alabama school system, demanding the removal of all suggestions that caterpillars and butterflies are the same creatures. Members of the scientific community have ex...
Read full storyBible To Be Rewritten In Order To Appeal To New Generation
The bible is to be rewritten following a survey's findings that nobody knew anything about it. In the survey the 10 commandments were largely unknown, Daniel (of the lion's den) was thought to be the Lion King and Dot Cotton was thought to be the Imm...
Read full storyOperation Little Richard: Cheney's Big Secret
Now that the US government has been returned to the jurisdiction of the Constitution we are learning about the traitorous acts of the previous eight years of martial law. The latest revelation named Operation Little Richard was a clever scheme for hi...
Read full storyObama Kidnapped by African Slave Traders
US President Barack Obama went out into the jungle to look for a tree to make a drum during his African diplomatic mission. Slave traders who frequently prey on jungle wanderers appear to have seized the American President and sold him as a slave.
Read full storyUrgent - Horseman Dies, Apocalypse Cancelled
Heaven - After days of swirling rumors about possible major problems leading up to the scheduled start of the Apocalypse, sources today confirmed the worst when it was disclosed that one of the Four Horseman has unexpectedly died. While the full...
Read full storyJesus Budda Arrested for Abducting Young Woman and Eating Her
The absence of famous non-writer for TheSpoof.com Jesus Budda has been explained by his arrest for abducting promising young writer Chamone into his mobile home, where he chopped her into bite size bits, put her in his freezer and then assumed her id...
Read full storyMugable Visits Chicago, USA/ Calls for End of Tryranny & Corruption!
Chicago, Illinois/ Jungle Drum News - Zimbabwe President by Popular Force, Robert Mugabe, spoke to an enthusiastic mob of Mau Mau Warriors in Chicago, Illinois, today, urging them to step up and take back their city, their land, their culture, and...
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