San Francisco, CA - Michael Jackson's coffin was pulled over early this morning in the Castro area of San Francisco. Detective Harry Callaghan, who normally operates out of the homicide division, had been off duty when he noticed the coffin driving erratically and had improper plates.
After the coffin made an apparent lunge at Detective Callaghan, he promptly drew his service revolver, an S&W .44 Magnum, and fired several shots into the vehicle. After the coffin had come to a rest, he inspected the coffin and found inside what appeared to be a white male, 5' 10", 120 lbs., wearing what seemed to be a ceremonial military outfit and one white glove.
Callaghan then said to the person, "I know what you're thinking. 'Did he fire six shots or only five.' Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question. 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you punk?"
Having received no response, Detective Callaghan ran the coffin registration through dispatch and discovered that the person in the coffin was actually Michael Jackson, 'The King Of Pop' who had in fact been deceased since June 25th of this year. A summons was then issued for public vagrancy. However the sister of the late singer, LaToya Jackson, is comtemplating sueing the city for damage to the coffin and harrassment of a dead black man; an infringement of his civil rights that will mean investigation by the F.B.I.
When informed of these developments, Inspector Callaghan stated, "Those F.B.I. guys are always trying to bust my ass. On the other hand, it may mean we can do another sequel. Sweet!"