Pelosi to Resume Water Boarding Gingrich, Republicans

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Sunday, 12 July 2009

image for Pelosi to Resume Water Boarding Gingrich, Republicans
Republican blood ran cold as word leaked Pelosi water boarded this drip, gushed source tapped by SFO.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A knowledgeable source confirmed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will resume application of water boarding techniques to Newt Gingrich, following Leon Panetta's announcement the CIA withheld information about secret counterterrorist activities from Congress under orders from then-Vice President Dick Cheney.

Gingrich delivered a blistering critique of Pelosi nearly two months ago, calling her "vicious," "trivial," and "a liar," insisting she knew more than she was admitting about the Bush administration's use of water boarding techniques for interrogation purposes.

The source also revealed, "Fat boy better watch his step, now. Nancy's pissed!"

The House Speaker was spotted later, ambushing the former House Speaker in a Capitol building hallway, grasping Gingrich's hand as he passed, then executing a pirouette that twisted his forearm up into the small of his back as she shoved his head forward, maneuvering the uncompassionate conservative into a vacant office.

Witnesses said muffled screams could then be heard coming from the room for several hours, and at one point the words "who's your mommy" were heard repeatedly, followed each time by gasping and gurgling sounds that gradually began to weaken.

Pelosi is reported to have emerged from the room drooling, disheveled and wild-eyed, grinning through long steaks of mascara, with one sleeve from her business suit ripped off and tied around her head as a makeshift sweatband and a thick strand of saliva dribbling from the corner of her mouth, in search of more Republicans.

A sniveling Gingrich crawled out several minutes later smelling of urine, then collapsed in the hallway, completely spent.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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