The home Office in a desperate attempt to reduce prison sex, aids, gay rapes, lesbian assaults with broomsticks, etc, have decided to introduce the most radical reforms since the prison system begun!
Male prisoners who are either gay or practise gay sex in prison will be immediately transferred to womens prisons and vice versa, Lesbians and practising lesbian sex female prisoners in the opposite direction!
Home(o) Affairs Minister Rt.Hon. Alan Johnson announced these revolutionary new reforms in parliament, the laws were immediately rushed through the House of Lords and transferring has begun!
Many male gay prisoners are in outrage at the disgusting thought of sharing womens prisons with WOMEN!
Their happy holidays and gay gang-bangs in prison cells and showers, whooping it up off of (or up!) the backsides of the taxpayer are over and now they face real hard-labour with their female colleagues!
Notorious prison bitch "Raunchy-Anal-Rape-Chel" alias pervert, serial killer Alf Bloggs, screamed, "I'll kill my fucking self, I'd rather be castrated, be a Eunuch, than join those lesbo bitches," whilst being dragged into the prison van, scratching, spitting, make-up dribbling and high-heels kicking!
Straight male prisoners can't wait for the Lesbo's to arrive and orders for prison soap has quadrupled, real gang-bangs in the showers, eureka! At last pussies to mount instead of looking at hairy male butts!
The Lesbians being transferred have also reacted radically and the infamous prison Dyke "Ruth-less Broomstick Bitch" alias, serial man-hating penis remover with razor blades (ouch!), Penelope Smithers-Pussyonly quoted "let one of those mother fucking horny "Straights" attempt to smell my pussy and I'll have his dick for dinner in a thousand pieces (aargh!)!
Ignoring all of the protests, transferring is running quite smoothly, there are some slight problems though, the suicide rate in prisons has escalated by 35%, request for castration operations 30%.
Secretary of State Alan Johnson reacted positively to the news and quoted, "we are killing three birds in one foul swoop, fighting prison sex, aids and reducing prison capacity by a third, excellent news!"
The present Labour government has rocketed in the opinion polls leaving the wanking, wailing Conservatives in their wake!
Conservative leader David Cameron immediately fired the shadow Secreatary of State and called him a complete and utter useless "Arsehole!!" Rather appropriate in the cir-cum-stances!