It's a fact of life that not everyone can be successful, but a new study has shown that a certain section of the community have all the luck.
Professor Robert Palmer of the University of Hard Knock, Newcastle, spent the past 18 months doing fuck all. But then, early yesterday morning after his daily wank, Professor Palmer began to study how different members of society are affected by varying situations and events.
To his surprise, he realised that some guys have all the luck when it comes to getting the hot date, the cool car, the cash, the big homes and fancy clothes.
"My study is in its infancy but given time I think I may be on to something - well, maybe after I have another little wank", he said.