Written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 12 July 2009

image for Tracy Tynemouth Star In Back Alley Knee-Trembler Scandal
Ah've Done Nowt Wrong Pet.

Doreen Skagg, who plays Brit answer to Hannah Montana, Tracy Tynemouth, the Geordie teen with corned beef legs and an affinity with pigeons, was embroiled in a bitter war of words with boyfriend of six days, Ryan DeMong.

DeMong accused Skagg of "disappearing up an alleyway after a neet on the toon. With a bus driver. Forra fuck like. The dorty whooer."

Although Skagg denied the allegations, she admitted that she was very drunk on the neet in question up the toon, and claimed that she'd gone up the dark alley with the bus driver because he had found an injured pigeon. With a broken arse bone.

Skagg admitted using her knickers as a 'splint' for the injured bird's broken arse, but said that the bird sadly expired, so the bus driver put the knickers in his jacket pocket for safe keeping.

DeMong remains defiant:

"She were gerrin her hip knocked into joint man!" he told us. "I'm havin' nowt to dee wi' that cumbucket ever again. She must think I'm friggin' stoopid or summat!"

Skagg was on a break from filming episodes of Tracy Tynemouth at the time. She told us:

"Ah still luv Ryan an' I'd have him back in a flash o me muff. That friggin' bus driver means nowt to me."

Then she started getting all emotional, but no tears were forthcoming due to tear-duct malfunction.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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