NOT Derren Brown NOT photographed in compromising position NOT with West End Stripper.
NOT Following allegations that TV Hypnotist and Magician, Derren Brown, had NOT been caught on camera with Page Three model and stripper, Felicity Bunslide, we asked for an opportunity to NOT put questions to the Mystical TV Entertainer and he agreed...
Read full storyRed Knights "Lack Direction" Says Shinawatra
The bid by a consortiom of high rollers - known as The Red Knights - to wrest control of Manchester United FC from the clutches of the Glazers has been broadly welcomed by the vast majority of United fans, but a note of caution was sounded today by T...
Read full storyWladimir Klitschko v Hasim Rahman recap, two years on
Wladimir Klitschko against Hasim Rahman will happen 13. December 2008. On Saturday, December 13, at the SAP Arena in Mannheim, Germany on television on HBO. Wladimir Klitschko (51-3) is to defend his IBF / WBO-in number five ranking against Hasim Rah...
Read full storyA Secret Millionaire inadvertently helps another Secret Millionaire
A millionaire who appeared on the popular Channel 4 show, the Secret Millionaire, kept his secret so well hidden that he was given a large sum of money by another Secret Millionaire. Geoff Bastard, the young entrepreneur who made his fortune sell...
Read full storySubo Wouldn't Shake Hands With Wayne Bridge
Just as the furore surrounding Wayne Bridge's refusal to shake hands with John Terry at Stamford Bridge last Sunday appeared to be dying a natural death as a news story, Susan Boyle has piped in with her two pennyworth. Nobody was quite sure what...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Says She'll Dance Her Buns Off On Dancing With The Stars
PITTSBURGH - Kate Gosselin was in town at a local Wal-Mart buying Easter outfits for her eight kids when she was notified that she had been selected as one of the 11 celebrity contestants on this years edition of Dancing With The Stars. Kate becam...
Read full storyUS accuses Iran of leaking cheese onto the internet
Tensions between Washington and Tehran are set to increase today as the US has published a report by the CIA accusing Iran's Revolutionary Guards of dumping tons of cheese across the web. US Secretary of Almost-President, Hilary Clinton, stated at...
Read full storyEngraged Japanese PM Demands CEO of GM Appear in front of Diet to Explain Malfunctions and Recalls of Chevy "shit boxes!'
Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama demanded that Barry Obama, CEO of Government Motors (GM) appear before the Diet to explain over 1.3m late recalls in certain models of Chevrolet and Pontiac models the US dumped on Japan during it's recent bank...
Read full storyJohn Terry's Mohawk To Be Fully Grown By World Cup Opening
Insiders in the Chelsea and England camps today confirmed that the Mohawk haircut sported by Chelsea skipper John Terry in the defeat to Manchester City last weekend, will be fully grown by the time the World Cup kicks off in South Africa. There w...
Read full storyWorld Cup Pizza Hut Infringement in South Africa
Kenyan man Parasayip Ole Koyati who is in a legal dispute with Pizza Hut because he is selling pizzas from his mud hut is now offering Pizza Hut franchises in South Africa in the run up to the World Cup. Parasayip is presently in South Africa help...
Read full storyDevon's Nazi sex dungeon raided
Lee Mill, Devon - (Sieg Heil!): So far there have been no reports of Max Mosley in the vicinity! But a police raid on a harmless-looking Devon semi today revealed an astonishiong array of be-swastika'd sex aids that would have made the notorious...
Read full storyKatie Price has had her centre of gravity surgically removed
Katie Price's press agent today confirmed that the over-inflated glamour model has had her centre of gravity surgically removed and relocated in Siberia, but denied the recent rumours in Hokem! Magazine that this was in preparation for a third breast...
Read full storyCooking turned humans into what they are today, a bunch of morons; ask Gordon Ramsey!
A scientific fact has been proven, cooking made us what we are today, a bunch of morons and Gordon Ramsey is the perfect f*cking example! Scientists have discovered that when mankind turned to eating cooked meats it seperated him from other specie...
Read full storyDeviant Gene Identified in Politicians
Gazonga Health Sciences University in Derry, New Hampshire - GHSU - has identified a genome more common in politicians than in the general public. The H1N69 gene has been sampled in over 1000 individuals of varying professions and 60% of those...
Read full storyNew Technology Simplifies Exhuming Process
XYZ Research today announced a new patent for equipment that makes it easier to exhume bodies. Named 'The Sleuth' XYZ has developed a new use of arthroscopic operation technology whereby bodies deep in the ground can be probed and sampled for...
Read full storyInsurgent Snowmen being blown up In Cairngorm Mountains
Insurgent Snowmen are under attack in the Cairngorm Mountains in the highlands of Scotland. The army are using explosives to try and blow up the terrorist,insurgent snowmen and its all part of the war against terror. People are being warned to be...
Read full storyLady Gaga Goes Celibate
Outlandish singer Lady Gage has announced that she is swearing off sex for the time being. The 23 year old woman, most noted for her outrageous costumes and acts onstage, has said that she is celibate for the time being. "I'm single because I don't...
Read full storySpoof Beats Onion In Double Overtime
The Spoof hoops team, co-owned by Madonna and Barbara Streisand, edged out the Onion Peals 95 ½ to 93 to take the lead in the Eastern Fictitious League. LaEdgar Rice scored the game winning 3 ½ points (Fictitious league 3 ½ from half-court or f...
Read full storyProfessor Shoots Colleagues - Gains New Freedoms For Academics
Ivory tower intellectualists everywhere have taken note of the new level of entitlement achieved by a university professor. Used to having great perks attached to their jobs, she has definitely raised the bar of academic entitlement beyond anyone's e...
Read full storyMan Creche Opens Saturday!
Lakeside Shopping Centre are proud to announce that they'll be opening the World's First "Man Creche" on Saturday! Ladies, fed up with your man "Sulking", "Snivelling" and "Moaning" whilst you spend endless hours in endless shops trying on endle...
Read full storyWinston Churchill Found Dead
Winston Churchill, Conservative politician was found dead today. Gravediggers working at St Martin's Church, Bladon, near Woodstock, say they accidentally dug him up during routine renovation work. Churchill has been dead for some time and the tox...
Read full storyLord Adonis Reveals the end for London Buses
The Secretary of State for Transport announced today that all London Buses were to be replaced with Rickshaws by the 2012 Olympics. Lord Adonis, on the advice of his Minister of State for Transport, Sadiq Khan, today unveiled the blueprint for th...
Read full storyOld Mother Hubbard Facing Bankruptcy
Old Mother Hubbard is facing bankruptcy procedures in the High Court, following news that she no longer has anything left in her cupboards. Her creditors have taken the decision as they do not expect her financial situation to improve soon. Old Mo...
Read full storyDancing On Ice Judges Attack An Angry Emily Atack And Send Her Skating On Back Home
LONDON - Dancing On Ice has sent Emily Atack, the star of The Inbetweeners back to her London flat and the young lady was none too happy. On her way out of Elstree studios located in London's Borehamwood, the 20-year-old Emily was so angry that sh...
Read full storySuBo fanatics can't handle the spoof!
Susan Boyle fanatics were last night issued anti-humour spectacles to prevent them from having to read anything funny. The spectacles are designed to sound an alarm and turn red when the wearer starts to read anything that may be seen as at all humou...
Read full storyJake The Bachelor Shocks Fiance, Show With "I'm Gay!"
When Jake Pavelka asked the "bride", Vienna Giraldi, to married him he whispered something that many overheard but couldn't decipher. This morning we have gotten the whispered words from an insider, and that it was "I am gay!" No wonder Vienna...
Read full storyThe Curious Case of Tommy Troll from Trollheimen
Once upon a time a little Troll called Tommy Troll was born in Trollheimen in Norway. As a boy Tommy was always getting into trouble pulling girls pigtails and stealing the church collection to buy treats. Tommy Troll had a hairstyle like boxing promoter Don King and a face like Jim Carrey. Twenty years later Tommy married his childhood sweetheart Trina Troll who was a right trollop. They trave...
Read full storyChuyenistas beware
Their is a reason why chuy is not a popular part of a word in the English language. Many have asked over the centuries why oh why was the why removed? The English language expert and brilliant scrabble exponent, John "Chuy" Brown has collected a l...
Read full storyAgony Uncle Lenny's Advice for today, (Im 19 and secretly seeing my stepbrother.)..
Dear Lenny, I'm 19 and I have been secretly seeing my stepbrother on my dad's side for 3 months now. We only met for the first time by accident on a social website about 6 months ago and we hit it off immediately. He's 19 too. I don't know why but I have never met anybody like him. It feels like I have known him for years and we have so much in common. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and I h...
Read full storyFormer President George W. Bush Says He'll Miss Detective "Monkey" Series
Former President George Bush says that he misses "Monkey" shows on TV and has purchased all the episodes to watch over and over again. "Monkey reminds me a lot of myself", stated Bush. "For instance he can see what none of the others see. That's...
Read full storyThe Brady Bunch Sisters Are Feuding Like The Hatfields and McCoys
HOLLYWOOD - Here's a story about two sisters named Brady. In the annals of TV Land there have never been two actresses who portrayed sisters in a television situation comedy who literally hate each other more than Maureen McCormick, 53, and Eve Plumb...
Read full storyAshley Cole sex texts blamed on 'a case of mistaken non-entity?'
Goldaming, Slurry - (Offside Mess): A fleeting five minute penalty shoot-out between the estranged couple has seen Ashley Cole claim he's been deliberately stitched up by professional marriage-wreckers. The Chelsea player has told wife Cheryl that...
Read full storyBBC Director General Mark Thompson Unveils New Moon Station
The Director General of the BBC, Mark Thompson, revealed today new plans to save the failing BBC 6 Music and Asian Networks. In a bid to save £600m, BBC 6 and the Asian Network will be beamed down to us from space from a purpose built satellite stat...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Achieves The Impossible
Actor Robert Pattinson was on "The Today Show" yesterday morning at Rockefefeller Plaza where he was completely surrounded by teenage girls. Pattinson, who was there to talk to the early morning news crew about his new movie that's coming out, "Re...
Read full storyBinge Drinking is Affecting Obama Presidency!
Michelle Obama is said to be considering a forced rehab stint for Barry as his recent physical at Walter Reid Army Hospital has confirmed her worse fears; the Closet Muslim is a Closet Alcoholic! According to close advisors, Michelle is close to h...
Read full storyBMW has announced it is recalling all models of its cars due to 'a major attitude problem behind the steering wheel.'
BMW has today announced that it is recalling every single model of all its cars due to a major attitude problem behind the steering wheel. A spokesperson for the automobile maker, who asked not to be named or touched by mere mortals, explained the...
Read full storyKeith Harris And Orville In Bid To Buy Manchester United
An audacious attempt to seize control of Manchester United from the Glazer family has been launched. A group of city businessmen have attempted to raise the £1billion plus which will be needed. However, they were still short of this figure until the...
Read full storyEx Top Criminal In Uniform Attacked In Prison Drama
Jailed criminal cop Ali Dizaei has been attacked in prison by lag he tried to arrest twenty years ago. The prisoner, who cannot be named for legal reasons, sneaked up on the power mad criminal in uniform as he showered and ''attacked'' him allegedly.
Read full storyIan Paisley Surrenders
Former Northern Ireland First Minister and three times World Shouting Champion Ian Paisley has announced that he is to step down from Parliament after 40 years of representing the people of North Antrim. The man who made ear plug salesmen very rich h...
Read full storyAlistair Darling and Au Pair Shocker
Alistair Darlings au pair has been sacked from her job for forgetting to flush the loo at No 11. The 19 yr old, who also worked as a part time Swedish model, (38-23-38)and cannot be named for legal reasons, was caught short, after eating a super hot...
Read full storyLe Retard Brought Before Star Chamber
Area 52, AZ - Thought to have been abolished in 1641 by the Long Parliment, rumors have reached us that the Council of the Star Chamber has been revived in modern times. This ace reporter was sent to London recently to investigate. Star Chamber...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Sparks Massive Security Alert
David Cameron sparked a massive security alert as he jogged along the promenade of Brighton beach yesterday. The Tory leader was seen swearing and shouting at a dustbin which was on the side of the promenade, close to the conference centre where he w...
Read full storyMichael Hutchence/David Carradine copycat death mystery surrounds Kristian Digby RIP probe
London - (Haunted Fish Tank): UK media reports today say that auto-erratic asphyxiation equipment is being probed at the flat of BBC presenter Kristian Digby who died suddenly and unexpectedly at home on Monday. The circumstances of his death have...
Read full storyMiss Piggy enters Subo lookalike contest
Miss Piggy is the prima-donna pig who thinks she is a super star. Miss Piggy has entered the Subo lookalike contest in Las Vegas and reckons she stands a good chance of winning. "I am an even better singer than Susan Boyle" she said "I have sang w...
Read full storyFootball To Abandon Offside Rule
In what will be the most radical shake-up in the sport since Thierry Henry invented the legal handball, FIFA have confirmed that they intend to abolish the offside rule. The plan is to make the game a more entertaining spectacle. Rumours that Sam All...
Read full storySuBo and Whitney Houston Now Musically Conjoined After Historic Simultaneous Organ Transplants!
The music and medical world were agog today after Indian Medical Practitioners announced a mind bending dual organ transplant involving two of the world's most fabled female singers. In a joint press conference, beamed world wide and live through...
Read full storySubo culture desperate fanatics spotted in Edinburgh
Subo fanatics desperate to trace the volunteers in the shed have been seen in and around Edinburgh as they search for their heroines location. On learning of this the leader of the Red Knickers Association, has marshalled her large force of 3 gang...
Read full storyWas Kristian Digby Another Victim of Pooftahs Parasitus?
The BBC presenter Kristian Digby has been found dead at his home. He was 32 years old. Police have revealed that he was dead when paramedics arrived and that the cause of death was "unexplained". Digby was a homosexual and people are awaiting new...
Read full storyBrown to lower age of consent!
Mr.Brown today leaked details of a secret plan to be implemented should he win the election. Sensing that the public has got wise to the idea of filling up the country with immigrants legal and otherwise, Mr.Brown's team have come up with a brilli...
Read full storyAshley Cole Pays The Price
Footballer Ashley Cole is reported to be in emotional turmoil following his marriage break-up. He is currently residing at a sports clinic in France where he is being treated for injuries ahead of the World Cup Finals. It is said he is struggling to...
Read full storyLiberal Methodology for Making a Mountain out of a Molehill Exposed
Washington DC: The Democratic left wing liberals have figured out how to divert people's attention from real bread and butter issues to amorphous smoke and mirrors crusades, e.g. climate change/global warming. The Democratic National Committee (DNC) has issued a handbook outlining a procedure to the left wing faithful for creating big unsolvable issues. These issues allow House Speaker Pelosi...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson receives script for new Vampire Movie
Robert Pattinson has been sent a copy of a script for a new Vampire Movie called Vampires also die.. Pattinson is considering taking the part of a Vampire in the film which is set in Transylvania. The story concerns a family of Vampires the mother...
Read full storyGreek skier expected to finish his event shortly
With the conclusion of the Winter Olympics and the departure of the participants from all over the world, attention has turned to Cypress Mountain where the downhill skiing events were held. A giant slalom skier from Greece, part of the Olympic te...
Read full storyNumb-Dumb Clay Toy
What is humanism? Once it was a European phenomenon, a worldly secular philosophy. Its main objective was to dignify the so-called 'crown of creation'. Alas! It failed point-blank. Now, it sounds more like a myth than reality. Nobody can feel the existence of a likely invisible unreligious connection between this creature and a far away source of enlightenment. Symbolically, it started long time...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's New Judge Ellen DeGeneres Speaks Her Mind
HOLLYWOOD - The new-judge-on-the-block spoke out on her talk show about the 20 remaining American Idol contestants. Ellen said that as of now, the front runner is Kara's "Cowboy Toy" Casey James. El said that she glanced over at Kara when "CJ" was...
Read full storyJake The Bachelor Picks Vienna - The Wicked Witch of The South
SANTA LUCIA - Well the waiting is finally over. The Bachelor's bachelor Jake Pavelka has picked the woman of his dreams, the girl of his thoughts, the 'just wait till she takes out her she-devil claws' love of his life. It is amazing how everyone,...
Read full storyJason Derulo Criticised For Knocking Haiti Single Off Number 1 Spot
The entertainment world hung its head in shame today after US R&B singer Jason Derulo knocked the celebrity charity single recorded to help Haiti's earthquake victims off the top of the charts. Everybody Hurts, orchestrated by Simon Cowell, wa...
Read full storyDuncan Whitehead Exposed As "Tatty Mullet"
There was shock and amazement - if they are not the same thing - at the headquarters of satirical news website TheSpoof.com this morning when it was revealed that now-missing writer Duncan Whitehead is, in reality - and in fact - one of the character...
Read full storyRyan Shawcross Meant It
Ryan Shawcross, the Stoke City hatchetman who poleaxed the Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey on Saturday, and was then selected for the England squad to face Egypt at Wembley on Wednesday, has said that "there probably is a bad bone in my body". Pot...
Read full storyHow to Become a Sex Machine
All right, so the two of you are having sex, going at it like crazy . . . but only one of you climaxes, right? And guess what? It isn't her! Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of the medical profession, this scenario is true for countless couples all over the world. Well, have no fear, fuckers! The Spoof has asked me to compile 10 things that can get in the way of an orgasm for both pa...
Read full storyHow to drive when you're 103 - Part 1
Welcome gentlemen and young ladies to this missive on how to use our modern roads. It has now been a fulsome number of years since those blasted "AA" radicals forced our good lords and ladies to repeal our simple law that motorised perambulators should be accompanied by a stout bearer carrying a red flag. Apparently our modern roads are somewhat velocitous places in greater need than ever of my...
Read full storyMysterious Inscription SuBo Discovered on Earth
Titan Times: A fourth Titan space ship has landed on Earth on a small island surrounded by water. Explorers found the strange inscription SuBo scrawled on walls, torn strips of metal and broken concrete structures. Titan astronomers and astrophys...
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