Lady Gaga Goes Celibate

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Tuesday, 2 March 2010


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One advantage to cucumbers: women preferring smaller men can cut them to the desired length

Outlandish singer Lady Gage has announced that she is swearing off sex for the time being. The 23 year old woman, most noted for her outrageous costumes and acts onstage, has said that she is celibate for the time being. "I'm single because I don't have the time."

Fresh vegetables will be the man of choice in her life for the foreseeable future. "I can't stay faithful to them, of course, since they tend to go bad. My favorites are carrots, followed closely by cucumbers. I'm not into that weird, plastic stuff; I want something that was alive in me."

As Lady Gaga is able to find fresh produce in every town she visits, she should have no shortage of lovers.

Lady Gaga did admit that she practices safe sex with her veggies, requiring them to wear condoms. "I've heard of people getting crabs from sex, and I'm a little scared of aphids."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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