Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

image for Jason Derulo Criticised For Knocking Haiti Single Off Number 1 Spot
Derulo? Probably...

The entertainment world hung its head in shame today after US R&B singer Jason Derulo knocked the celebrity charity single recorded to help Haiti's earthquake victims off the top of the charts.

Everybody Hurts, orchestrated by Simon Cowell, was pushed down to ninth spot after two weeks at number one, the Official UK Charts Company said.

Derulo, 20, went straight to the top with new entry In My Head, but other artists were left questioning just what was in Derulo's head after he took top spot from the poor beleaguered Haitian survivors.

Cowell, speaking to anyone who would listen, said:

"It's a disgrace. Anyone who deliberately knocks a charity single off the top spot has got to be a callous, calculating, Cowellating cad."

And Nick Griffin, head of the BNP, was no more complimentary, saying:


The Helping Haiti song had notched up the biggest first week sales of any charity track in recent years. Proceeds from the REM cover, which features stars such as Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, Cheryl Cole and Leona Lewis, is being split between the Disasters Emergency Committee (DEC) and The Sun newspaper's Helping Haiti campaign.

Elton John was not involved, thank fuck.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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