Top 10 reasons for not accepting RED into your lives

These are the top ten reasons for NOT accepting RED into your lives: submitted by an anonymous writer known merely as 'WHO'. 10. Red lingerie stands for danger, always has and always will. 9. Red is Satan's colour. 8. Red lights are the ones most people 'run' and get tickets for. The orange and green ones are safe. 7. Red electric rings glowing on your stove should NOT...

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Terrorist's Feelings Hurt

Funny story: Terrorist's Feelings Hurt

The war on terror has been officially called off in the wake of charges that American Navy SEALs hurt a terrorists feelings, a Pentagon spokesman said in today's briefing. The three Navy SEALs, facing court-martial for accusations of abusing a ter...

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Subo sings the England World Cup song

Funny story: Subo sings the England World Cup song

It had to happen didn't it? "I Dreamed a Dream" her signature ditty was made for the unwilling stars of the Daily Poop and every nightclub from the West End to deepest Essex. Essex girls don't like you subo, you take away their limelight. Subo just f...

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Woman finds family of illegal immigrants in bananas from local supermarket

Funny story: Woman finds family of illegal immigrants in bananas from local supermarket

An elderly widow from Milton Keynes was shocked to discover a family of 8 illegal immigrants sleeping in a bag of Fair Cop bananas she bought from her local supermarket. Fat bag Daisy Upton, 73, said, "Ooh, well, now there's thing. I did think...

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Holland's Geert Wilders proves that Holland is a land of "Cheese Eaters" and not "Kebab Eaters"!

Funny story: Holland's Geert Wilders proves that Holland is a land of "Cheese Eaters" and not "Kebab Eaters"!

Dutch, slightly righter than left politician, Geert Wilders, is on a holy mission. He wishes to prove not only to Holland, but also to the rest of the world that the Dutch are a nation of cheese eating, tulip growing, windmill worshipping weed smo...

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Sex scandal rocks India as Holyman does a "John Terry"!

Funny story: Sex scandal rocks India as Holyman does a "John Terry"!

Guru and Holyman, Nithyananda Swami, has been caught on video doing what most Indian Holymen should never do, bunking it up with two women in bed. The "Horny Holy Man" was shown having raunchy sex sessions with the two women and his devoted follow...

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Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Funny story: Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Local man Tom Wilbourne - a self-proclaimed hateful bastard - is in attendance at the International Hateful Bastards Summit in Blackpool. Tom, 25, says he is honoured to be representing the local community and rubbing shoulders with some of the pl...

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Jake The Bachelor Having Second Thoughts About Vienna: "What The Hell Was I Thinking?"

Funny story: Jake The Bachelor Having Second Thoughts About Vienna: "What The Hell Was I Thinking?"

DALLAS - Jake Pavelka, the 2010 Bachelor has chosen Vienna Girardi, the woman that he wants to marry, have kids with, and spend the rest of his life with...or maybe not. An inside source says that the 31-year-old Texan commercial pilot has confide...

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New government campaign targets spontaneous human combustion

Funny story: New government campaign targets spontaneous human combustion

Costing 3 billion pounds, the new hard-hitting government safety campaign, aimed at cutting fatalities from spontaneous human combustion, will show a man whistling nonchalantly like some kind of idiot while smoke rises all around him. Featuring th...

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Greed, Espionage, and Ear Wax

Funny story: Greed, Espionage, and Ear Wax

At a hastily prepared press conference today Ski Wax Company Ya-Sure-You-Betcha disclosed their secret ingredient in their amazing racing wax - ear wax. Believing the secret was already in the hands of industrial espionage agents Betcha told the...

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Mariah Carey's Husband Says Her Boobs Have Gotten So Gigantic He Is Afraid To Touch Them For Fear That They'll Explode!

LAKE TAHOE, Nevada - Mariah Carey had just performed at Lake Tahoe's Queen of Spades Club before a private audience made up of members of The San Francisco Giants baseball team. Last year Carey was voted as The Woman We Would Most Like To Have Tou...

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Adam Lambert Delivered Hot Buns To Simon Cowell During American Idol!

Funny story: Adam Lambert Delivered Hot Buns To Simon Cowell During American Idol!

A former contestant on American Idol told reporters this morning that she had witnessed fellow contestant, Adam Lambert, delivering hot buns to judge Simon Cowell. "They thought that everyone had left the show that night but I was so down after b...

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Is Elin Nordegren Showing Tiger How Cheating Feels?

Funny story: Is Elin Nordegren Showing Tiger How Cheating Feels?

A new name that has come up in the Tiger Woods/Elin Nordegren soap opera, Swen Nootrak. Although little is known about rock guitarist Swen, he has been mentioned as being seen with Elin at different places in Europe and was apparently an old "fri...

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Man With World's Longest Penis Now Six Inches Shorter

Funny story: Man With World's Longest Penis Now Six Inches Shorter

Hardon Privates is back from the sex clinic and the hospital and doing fine, according to his wife, Ms. Glamour Privates. "They operated on Hardon and he's six inches shorter. Also they took a big middle section out of his wanger. That cut him dow...

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Fake Pilot arrested just minutes before take off

Funny story: Fake Pilot arrested just minutes before take off

A fake pilot was arrested in Amsterdam just minutes before take off today shortly after the real pilot was found unconscious in the gents toilet without his uniform. A police spokesman Dick Van Dyke said the man detained was clearly in a confused...

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Suboblight virus, aka IDAD2009, strikes around the world

As the growing season approaches in the Northern Hemisphere, horticulturists, market gardeners and gardeners in general have been given early warning of a phenomenon that strikes any red flower or vegetable. This warning has become necessary as growe...

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Warmonger Blair to earn 5 million pounds from talking shit

Funny story: Warmonger Blair to earn 5 million pounds from talking shit

Warmonger Tony B Liar is set to earn over 5 million pounds when his memoirs are published later this year. Former Prime Monster B Liar is responsible for the deaths of millions of people in Iraq and Afghanistan including babies and children and of...

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Madman in number ten

Funny story: Madman in number ten

A madman known as Mad Marty Morrison was today sectioned under section 4 of the mental health act. Marty was taken away from outside number ten downing street for causing a disturbance. He was sectioned as an emergency case under section 4 of the...

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American Idol: If Kara DioGuardi Sits Any Closer To Simon Cowell She'll Be Sitting On His Lap!

Funny story: American Idol: If Kara DioGuardi Sits Any Closer To Simon Cowell She'll Be Sitting On His Lap!

HOLLYWOOD - The ten remaining girls performed on American Idol. And as Ryan Seacrest talked to the judges, it was fairly obvious that Kara DioGuardi cannot seem to keep from touching Simon Cowell's hands, arms, shoulders, and during the commercials h...

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Lady GaGa is the real Mad Hatter so forget Johnny Depp

Funny story: Lady GaGa is the real Mad Hatter so forget Johnny Depp

Lady GaGa is the real Mad Hatter so you can forget Johnny Depp star of the latest Tim Burton blockbuster Alice in Wonderland. Recently Lady GaGa the Maddest Pop star around at present has been seen wearing hats in the shape of a telephone,a lobste...

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Jon Venables New Identity Compromised

Funny story: Jon Venables New Identity Compromised

A man standing outside the Home Office today admitted that the new identity of Jon Venables, the brutal killer of toddler Jamie Bulger on Merseyside in 1993, has indeed been compromised and is available on the internet. The spokesman didn't say ex...

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Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart speak out about number of Spoof Stories about them on the internet.

Funny story: Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart speak out about number of Spoof Stories about them on the internet.

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have been speaking out about the number of poofs on the internet, sorry that should have been Spoofs. Pattinson speaking from Kent in England from the film set of his latest Movie BEL AMI, Pattinson said "Kri...

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"An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away" Republican health care plan

Funny story: "An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away" Republican health care plan

The Republican leadership in a joint health care press conference today, announced their plans for a total health care system overhaul. Congressman John Boehner, of Ohio, stood in front of a draped chalk board and with a flourish, took off the co...

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Le Retard the Humourless Declared a Saint

Appalled by recent events in London when an individual known as LeRetard was ordered beheaded by a special session of the Council of the Star Chamber held by Team Purple, a press release was issued today by a spokesperson representing The Red Cult, a...

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Earthquakes & Tsunami's increase as PLANET X gets closer

Funny story: Earthquakes & Tsunami's increase as PLANET X gets closer

NASA have ordered all staff to shut up about planet X which is allegedly heading closer to earth causing more and more Earthquakes and Tsunamis. The last time Planet X was mentioned in any news was just after Xmas day when Planet X was visible on...

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Miley Cyrus Falls Off Mountain Bike

Funny story: Miley Cyrus Falls Off Mountain Bike

We're receiving news from our Los Angeles correspondent Ernie Trebblechance that Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has been involved in a mountain bike accident in a location close to the Hollywood Hills. We're told that Miley misjudged a downhill g...

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Detectives quiz Venables about Portugal holiday

Funny story: Detectives quiz Venables about Portugal holiday

London - (Ass Mess): The 27 year-old parole breaker was interviewed at HMP Wormwood Scrubs after cops seized foreign holiday snaps going back several years. Under parole licence rules Venables has been barred from vacationing abroad without offici...

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Robert Pattinson 'Fled' USA To Arrange Blackpool Wedding

Funny story: Robert Pattinson 'Fled' USA To Arrange Blackpool Wedding

According to our sources, reports of Robert Pattinson fleeing the USA after some terrible row with love interest Kristen Stewart are terribly misguided. We were told that Rob was in a hurry to depart the USA simply because he was hurrying to Black...

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McGregor's girl is Octa-gone

The girlfriend of Rangers goalkeeper Leah Shevlin has been approached by the President of the Ultimate Fighting Championship with a view to her becoming the sports first female competitor. UFC bosses were hugely impressed by the severity of the pi...

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Subo deportee discovered in Edinburgh

Funny story: Subo deportee discovered in Edinburgh

Hidden away in the lanes and narrow streets of the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, a solitary figure tends her stall, always keeping a watchful eye on the passing tourists. From the stall she sells her home made tribute videos and unofficial, tacky painting...

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'Wanking' Game Removed From Shelves

Funny story: 'Wanking' Game Removed From Shelves

Gaming corporation Wankbrothers have come under severe fire after one of their popular Wii games requires frantic 'masturbatory movements' in order to get a high score. The controversy was uncovered by concerned parent Michael Bates who described...

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Naomi Campbell claims "I Didn't Do It"

Funny story: Naomi Campbell claims "I Didn't Do It"

Naomi Campbell some call her a super model others might call her a super slapper has allegedly slapped her chauffeur while he was driving in New York. The Driver Miodrag Mejdina claims Campbell punched and slapped him from the back seat as he dro...

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Subo culture een tochtje over de volle zee naar Nederland

Funny story: Subo culture een tochtje over de volle zee naar Nederland

Miss Boyle, as a reward to her wonderful helpers in the shed, arranged a mini cruise to the Netherlands, it is reported. The happy group boarded their ferry at Newcastle at 5pm and made their way to their Commodore Class luxury cabins for the trip to IJmuiden in the Netherlands. Soon it was time to explore and in need of a malt, they tracked down a huge bar, with a stage and with an open vi...

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Charlie Sheen in talks with Mr Sheen about television advertisements

Funny story: Charlie Sheen in talks with Mr Sheen about television advertisements

Charlie Sheen the notorious Hollywood bad boy has been contacted by the makers of Mr Sheen cleaning products to see if he is interested in being the face of Mr Sheen in the Mr Sheen television advertisements which are shown in many countries througho...

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Chuy Adds Weight To Ripper Freedom Campaign

Funny story: Chuy Adds Weight To Ripper Freedom Campaign

Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe was reportedly 'delighted' to hear that the elusive 'Chuy' and his 'Bobby Dazzlers' fan club were wholly supportive of the serial killer's latest bid for freedom. Sutcliffe, who murdered at least 13 women in the No...

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Al Gore moves to Las Vegas because he is fed up giving Global Warming Lectures in the Snow

Funny story: Al Gore moves to Las Vegas because he is fed up giving Global Warming Lectures in the Snow

Al Gore has moved to Las Vegas because he is fed up giving Global warming lectures in the snow. There is of course a problem its so hot in Las Vegas that nobody wants to listen to a guy yap on about Global Warming for six hours when they could be goi...

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Susan Boyle takes up Pool and becomes Subo Potter

Funny story: Susan Boyle takes up Pool and becomes Subo Potter

Susan Boyle who sometimes sings has taken up Pool and is apparently very good at it. Subo is now being called Super Subo Potter and although her style is not exactly conventional she does seem to get great accuracy using her cue. One of the bigge...

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Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez To Appear In A Telethon To Raise Money For Purity Rings

Funny story: Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez To Appear In A Telethon To Raise Money For Purity Rings

GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - Taylor Swift, appearing at an outdoor concert in Green Bay, Wisconsin said that she has agreed to join Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez in a nationwide telethon to help raise money to purchase one million purity rings to be given o...

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Norskis Win Big in Cross-Country, But Why?

Funny story: Norskis Win Big in Cross-Country, But Why?

Vancouver, B.C. Winter Olympics Are History - The Norwegians and Swedes know how to Cross Country ski -- they won 8 of the potential 12 Gold Medals and 16 of the 36 possible. The US Total for Cross Country Skiing was 0-Gold, Zip-Silver, and Nada...

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Charlie Sheen To Direct Himself, His Ex-Wife, Denise Richards, and Lindsay Lohan In The Film "Mumbai Ménage A Trois"

Funny story: Charlie Sheen To Direct Himself, His Ex-Wife, Denise Richards, and Lindsay Lohan In The Film "Mumbai Ménage A Trois"

LOS ANGELES - Entourage Pictures in association with Universal Pictures has just announced that Charlie Sheen of Two and a Half Men fame will star and direct in the Marlengo Garigliano produced film Mumbai Ménage a Trois Charlie Sheen will co-star...

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Tiger Woods Reveals That His Wife Elin Nordigren's "Landing Strip" Could Easily Accommodate A C5A Cargo Plane

Funny story: Tiger Woods Reveals That His Wife Elin Nordigren's "Landing Strip" Could Easily Accommodate A C5A Cargo Plane

ORLANDO - After three months of keeping quiet Eldrick Tont Woods has revealed to CNN's Larry King the real reason he cheated on his wife. Tiger said that he had promised Elin that he would never reveal the real reason but only if she moved back in...

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Guus Hiddink Just Can't Make His Mind Up!

Funny story: Guus Hiddink Just Can't Make His Mind Up!

Guus Hiddink, the former De Graafschap, PSV Eindhoven (twice), Fenerbahçe, Valencia, Holland, Real Madrid, Real Betis, South Korea, Australia and Chelsea manager who is presently the manager of Russia until his current contract expires, and who has s...

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Exhausted Satirist Retires To Bed

Funny story: Exhausted Satirist Retires To Bed

An anonymous satirist finally packed up his laptop in the early hours of this morning and headed off to bed after hours of mind numbing attempts to find something new and vaguely amusing to say about the individuals currently languishing in the media...

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Girl Scouts back again with the cookies

Funny story: Girl Scouts back again with the cookies

Its that time of year again when we all indulge our sweet tooth for a little bite of heaven : Girl Scout Cookies! This year there are some new varieties to try out, Mini Me Shortbread, George Washington Carver Peanut Butter Squares, and of course...

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New music category: Speed Bluegrass Metal

Funny story: New music category: Speed Bluegrass Metal

Well stand back all you rockers, rhythm and blues and country fans because here comes Speed Bluegrass Metal, a lively mixture of Alison Krause meets Korn meets Def Leppard! Developed during the International Bluegrass festival in Pine, Idaho last...

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Oscar Winner's Directorial Debut Was Utter Crap

Funny story: Oscar Winner's Directorial Debut Was Utter Crap

We'd heard the rumours, now we've seen the movie, and we can conclusively confirm that Oscar winning Director James Cameron's directorial debut was a piece of absolute crap. The director's 'monsterpiece', Piranha 2: The Spawning features acres of...

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Cheryl Cole Indifferent Regarding John Terry's Haircut

Funny story: Cheryl Cole Indifferent Regarding John Terry's Haircut

Cheryl Cole, wife of England left back Ashley Cole and close friend of Sarah Harding out of Girls Aloud expressed an air of indifference when she saw John Terry's much talked about Mohawk haircut. Mrs Cole did not liken the haircut in any way to t...

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Obama Eats Debuts on the Food Channel

Funny story: Obama Eats Debuts on the Food Channel

Washington DC: President Obama had his physical this week. The doctor indicated that the president was in good health, but has to reduce his bad cholesterol and stop smoking. The president blamed the high cholesterol on the fact that "I now have m...

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Adults Only Theme Park to Open

Funny story: Adults Only Theme Park to Open

Kissmequick FL: The Sidney Organization had plans to build a new adult only theme park adjacent to an existing facility in Florida. Then rumors began to circulate, property values and building costs skyrocketed, making a new park too expensive. Li...

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Peter Andre And Alex Reid To Feature Together In Pointless News Article

Funny story: Peter Andre And Alex Reid To Feature Together In Pointless News Article

Katie Price aka Jordan was cock a hoop last night as she struck a six figure deal with an international publisher for the exclusive rights to publish details of an interview with Peter Andre and Alex Reid - to be conducted in the same room. It rem...

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Feathersham finds the Lost Jungle Boy SuBo

Funny story: Feathersham finds the Lost Jungle Boy SuBo

India: For the last 150 years there have been reports of a jungle boy named SuBo wandering the jungles/plains in India riding Tigers and Elephants. Dr. Peter Feathersham departed London England in 1900 via a steamship bound for India to find if th...

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Pattinson And Stewart To Star In Another Pointless Remake

Funny story: Pattinson And Stewart To Star In Another Pointless Remake

Forget Brangelina, Hollywood's new kids on the block Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been earmarked by Janus Film Productions Inc to star in yet another pointless remake. Janus Films is hoping to start production of a pointless remake of...

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Switzerland's receding glaciers reveal huge mess

Funny story: Switzerland's receding glaciers reveal huge mess

The Earth's warming and consequent melting of glaciers high atop the Swiss Alps has led to huge amounts of prehistoric junk being exposed. Once thought to be pristine in their natural beauty, the previously snow covered mountains are now being re...

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Lord Ashcroft Slips Off The Radar

Funny story: Lord Ashcroft Slips Off The Radar

The billionaire Tory Deputy Chairman Lord Ashcroft, one of the Party's top donors has been keeping a mysteriously low profile following revelations that he struck a deal with the previous Conservative government regarding tax avoidance as a result of...

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ASBOs prepared and ready to slap on American Subo fanatics

Funny story: ASBOs prepared and ready to slap on American Subo fanatics

Police have issued a statement today that they have already prepared ASBO's to slap on crazed American Subo fans when they next arrive in the UK. The riot squad is busy training for their arrival in the event that they are called to duty. Police...

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Spoof Writer Caught Short

Funny story: Spoof Writer Caught Short

Alarming news surfaced last night regarding Spoof writer Skoob1999 as those close to him expressed grave concerns for his wellness. (Wellness? More corporate BS) The Spoof writer, never renowned for being particularly funny is said to be slowly di...

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Local Tree Named 'Son Of A Beech'

Funny story: Local Tree Named 'Son Of A Beech'

The tree on the corner of Sycamore Avenue and Birch Grove was officially named 'Son Of A Beech' yesterday in a ribbon cutting ceremony by councillor Vincent Wayward. The forty year old beech tree, believed to be the son of another beech tree follo...

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Satirist Trapped Like Fly In World Wide Web

Funny story: Satirist Trapped Like Fly In World Wide Web

A UK based satirist today emerged from a mental institution after becoming totally disorientated whilst using a website where nothing is quite what it appears to be, where trees fall down and the pope doesn't hear them, and where nobody seems to know...

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London Man Goes Up The Arse Twice In As Many Days

Funny story: London Man Goes Up The Arse Twice In As Many Days

Londoner Sid Kent last night revealed how he went 'up the arse' twice in as many days with his wife's blessing. Going 'up the arse' is a soccer fan's way of saying that they have visited The Emirates Stadium, home of Arsenal Football Club - hence...

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